What is the Elephant in the Room at Your Workplace?

Welcome to this edition of Respectful Workplace Insights which focuses on strategies to address the elephant in the room in any workplace!

I’m currently on safari in Africa. When we came across the lone elephant below in Etosha National Park, Namibia it inspired this week’s edition!

First …

What is the elephant in the room and where did it originate?

It’s when you know you should be saying something but you’re not.

In 1814 Ivan Krylov, wrote a fable entitled "The Inquisitive Man" … a man goes to a museum and notices all sorts of tiny things, but fails to notice an elephant.

That was the birth of the English metaphorical idiom ‘The elephant in the room’ … an obvious truth that’s going unaddressed, or a problem or risk no one wants to discuss.

I’m often approached by organisations to support them in having the hard conversations that address any unspoken issues and foster connection.

So how do you approach a conversation in any environment if it’s the elephant in the room that no-one’s talking about?

To be effective, it’s necessary to create the right conditions with trust and transparency.

The question becomes ...

How do you create the conditions so that:

• people feel comfortable sharing so that any hard issues are addressed head on?
• people feel seen heard, understood, valued, acknowledged and appreciated?
• people can find the words to speak the unspeakable ... expressing their thoughts and feelings in a way that co-creates community?

The good news is…

Everyone can face the elephant in the room head on!

3 Effective Ways to Address the Elephant in the Room

1.?Create a Safe Conversational Space

Setting the stage is vital.

Encourage open communication by modelling vulnerability yourself.

Start by acknowledging the issue neutrally and inviting others to share their thoughts.

Frame it as an opportunity for collective problem-solving, rather than assigning blame.

Creating a safe space for addressing the elephant in the room requires language that promotes openness, empathy, and collaboration.

Invite Participation and Encourage Openness

• “I’d really value hearing everyone’s thoughts on this.”
• “This is a space where all perspectives are welcome.”
• “I want to ensure everyone feels comfortable to speak up.”

Acknowledge Vulnerability and Build Trust

• “I recognise this might be a challenging topic, but it’s important we talk about it.”
• “It’s okay if this feels awkward and uncomfortable … we’re all in this together.”
• “I appreciate everyone’s courage in addressing this issue.”

Set a Collaborative Tone

• “We’re not here to place blame, we’re here to find solutions together.”
• “I’m open to ideas on how we can resolve this collectively.”
• “How can we ensure everyone feels heard and respected in this process?”

Emphasise Empathy and Listening to Connect, not Judge and Reject

• “Let’s listen to each other without interrupting or making judgments.”
• “Everyone’s perspective matters, and we need to honour that.”
• “I’m here to listen, and I encourage you to share what’s on your mind.”

• “It’s important we approach this with compassion and understanding.”

Provide Reassurance that Concerns are Valid

• “If anyone feels uncomfortable, it’s completely valid to express that.”
• “I understand this might be on people’s minds, and it’s okay to bring it up.”
• “This is a judgment-free zone - whatever you feel is important.”

Acknowledge Each Person who Speaks

• “That’s a great point (Name).
• “Thanks for sharing that.”
• “Thanks for sharing your experiences.”

Creating a safe space also requires being comfortable with any silence that follows.

It can be uncomfortable when no one says anything right away.

Stop talking and allow time for people to think before they respond.

2. Address the Issue Directly and Respectfully

Calmly state any situation as you see it. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding like you’re accusing others.

Offer your observation and ask for feedback to gauge others’ perspectives.

• Example: “It appears there’s been some discomfort around [issue]. I’d like to understand how others are feeling about this so we can create a way forward.”

3. Focus on Solutions

Shifting the conversation toward resolving the issue, rather than dwelling on the problem or its origins, helps diffuse defensiveness and keeps the conversation productive.

After acknowledging the issue, shift the focus by asking for input on possible solutions.

Engage others in collaborative problem-solving, which helps empower the team to move forward.

• Example: “Now that we’ve identified the issue, how do you think we can address it in a way that works for everyone?”

Addressing the elephant in the room expands respectful alignment, fosters connection and builds community.

The bottom line is …

These strategies can help transform any uncomfortable situation into an opportunity for growing your respectful workplace culture.

Everyone has the power to co-create any conversational space with others to address the elephant in the room.

It takes both mindset and skillset to make the difference!

Give others courage by showing the way. Support them to find the words to speak about the unspeakable.

Thanks for reading this edition of my weekly Respectful Workplace Insights newsletter.

See you next week!

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Besides my newsletter, here’s how I can help you with building your respectful workplace culture:

1.??Find out about our QuickStart workshop for building team trust - book a chat to find out more HERE

2. Speak with me personally to map out a plan together.

Respectful Workplace Insights is a weekly newsletter I am publishing on LinkedIn to highlight?some of the things that get in the way of creating a respectful workplace culture.

Eliminating disrespectful, unproductive and depleting conversations and behaviours that are getting in the way of building respectful alignment and performance is where we start.

Each week I'll offer tips on how to do that so you can create a respectful workplace culture where everyone feels safe and included.