What drives me?

Here’s an email a student sent to me after our long conversation. I’ve reproduced it verbatim here. So, excuse me for the errors. (Probably, I need to do a better job at teaching her Sentence Correction!)

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Hi

So i was thinking about our conversation the other day.. its amazing to me how you are so above the whole success and obtaining a higher financial income situation.. something that most of us are running towards in the big rat race as they call it..

So i was wondering what keeps you going.. i mean what excites you? drives you to live.. i mean if someone took that career and money craziness away from my life and told me that you dont have to worry about that.. then what else is there to life? i mean life would be so pointless. what else is there is my question. i would just rather die than do nothing or life a non exciting life. 

I look at my father who is at this stage of life that he isnt worrying about money (i dont know why ...either he has loads -which i know he has or he has attained moksh-a word i have no clue what it means) and he isnt worrying about anything else. he is retired from defence like most of his colleagues who are have either joined a corporation or started something of their own-they are all struggling i mean working all day ! Dad on the other hand is just focussing on health.. mental peace.. living life towards something-spirituality or something.. i dont know what it is.

The other day you seem to be hinting towards this and it really amazes me i mean dad is nearing 55 so okay old people tend to not be so active towards career and money(although he was all his life) and he is still pretty physically fit like really fit and healthy but i want to understand what is driving you to spirituality specially at this point of your life. there must be something divine or something so extraordinary that you are hoping to derive from it that is pushing you towards it and kind of making you step away from the normal course of the infamous rat race that everyone in this world is currently existential in.

I mean what about society? your family? your parents what would they say? Rising above all these pressures must be so peaceful which is why i am curious. Because since for as long as I can remember I have been fighting for a great career, an awesome life, money, power everything. But i dont know why. Probably respect from my parents, a name in the society, a comfortable lavish life, but isnt all that ..required? and neccessary and if isnt then I am most curious to know!

Just something I would love to have a conversation about whenever you have time bits and parts here and there.

Okay bye doing SC homework! See you tomorrow!

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First of all, I must commend the writer of this email for her frank sharing of these genuine thoughts and for allowing me to share these with everyone. The sincerity of the thoughts and the questions asked brought up this desire in me to write my response in the form of an article.

The first question she raised was: what drives me to live?

Before I answer this question, sharing the context in which this question originated will help. The student is very happy with my way of teaching. So, she keeps telling me various ways to increase my reach and, on occasions, calls herself my marketing manager. On the day of our call, she again asked me to increase my reach on different online platforms, and I asked her why – “Why should I increase my reach?”.

“Let’s say your current revenue is x. I want to help you reach 10x in revenues. That’s why you should increase your reach so that you get more students and more revenue”, she replied.

“But I already have more than I can handle. And besides, why would I ever pursue a revenue-based goal? It’s a dead goal with a number at the end. There’s going to be no fun pursuing it. And I can’t live my life pursuing certain numbers. I’d want to pursue some meaningful goals, the pursuit of which may bring financial rewards. But I can’t pursue ‘only’ financial rewards. There has to be meaning in what I do.”

It was against the background of this answer the above email was written.

Now, the question: what drives me?

I think the answer to this question probably is: doing things I find worth doing, things that I think add value to me and the world around me.

For a long time, I’ve considered ‘work’ a part of ‘life’, and not something separate from life that needs to be ‘balanced’ with life (the so-called ‘work-life balance’). To me, it has always made sense that the work I do has to be meaningful to me since I’m going to spend prime hours of the prime age of my life on it. To do something just for the economic benefit has never made sense to me, especially since I know that I’m not going to starve or going to depend on anybody else for my basic needs if I don’t pursue the maximization of the economic gain and just try to do things that I find worthwhile. I’d rather bring down my needs that can be satisfied while doing meaningful things than run after money to satisfy my more-than-necessary needs.

When I left Yes Bank to pursue a career in education, I wanted to be a teacher at the university. Of course, that meant taking a significant financial hit. However, I was clear that I’d be happy traveling in a bus while doing meaningful things (when I say ‘meaningful’, I don’t mean ‘universally meaningful’; I mean ‘meaningful to me’) and sad traveling in a car while doing things that I didn’t enjoy. I think this clarity is what has led me to make certain decisions in my career, decisions that others may consider fraught with a lot of risks. In my case, those decisions have led me to a point in life in which I’m earning more than I could have earned while staying at Yes Bank or following a safer path. However, does this financial outcome decide the ‘success’ of those decisions? I think not. Financial success just cannot be more important than peace and happiness. I think it is just common sense. What would I do with tons of money if I’m stressed out and sad?

So, the success of my decisions or anybody else’s decisions should be measured not by the financial growth but by growth in terms of peace, happiness, and, probably, inspiration in life. Does your life inspire you? If every decision of yours is about financial cost-benefit analysis, would you inspire yourself?

Why not choose a life that inspires you and fulfills your basic needs rather than a life that is lavish but comes at the cost of sacrificing your peace and happiness?

Everybody wants a life that is interesting and exciting. For some, pursuing certain numerical goals may be exciting. However, for me, adding value and changing the perspectives of people are exciting. I feel enlivened when I am able to help people grow and help them see things they couldn’t see before. I feel enlivened when I read books that transform my perspective and when I write articles or posts that can change others’ perspectives. These are exciting and interesting things in life. And I’m able to do these things now because I’ve tried to keep my needs limited in life and prioritized pursuing meaningful things over living a comfortable life.

The second question asked is: what is driving me to spirituality?

At this stage, it’s my happiness. Not in terms of after-life happiness or any form of happiness one may experience by worshipping deities. But a form of happiness one experiences by looking at life in a certain way, by carrying a certain perspective towards various events of life and towards life itself.

The third question asked is: aren’t respect from parents, a name in the society, and a comfortable lavish life required?

Well, if we go by the meaning of the word ‘required’, I think we’ll agree that these things are not ‘required’ for life i.e. life is possible without these things. No? But you may think: without these things, life would be so dull as to be equivalent to death.

Probably yes, if I keep other aspects of your life constant. However, if you choose to drop the pursuit of these things, you may be able to develop your other aspects of life, which when developed may more than compensate for the lack of the above things. Isn’t that possible?

For me, some level of respect from close ones and a decent standard of life are required to an extent. However, ‘a name in the society’ is nowhere close to be a requirement; if it comes, good; if it doesn’t, who cares! I’ve already talked about my perspective on chasing a comfortable lavish life. Of course, I would be happy to have such life; however, to chase one at the expense of doing meaningful and enjoyable things doesn’t make sense to me.

PS: The reason for writing this article is not to induce any misconception in people that I have risen above worldly things. People around me are aware of the many flaws in my character. The reason for writing this article is just to share some of my perspectives that I think may help some people.