What was done to Feedback?

In the last few years, I have participated in a conference called Agile Coach Camp, where in the last one I suggested an Open Space exactly the theme of this article, but amid so many other wonderful subjects, we didn't have time to talk about it.

Since then, I have gone deeper. I have had several conversations with many people on the subject, and what you are about to read next are my learnings from these conversations and experience about giving and receiving Feedback.

One of the things I learned, which is not trivial, is that Feedback is not a performance evaluation. We know that many companies use Feedback overused for this, and this is one of the reasons which has caused many people today to be afraid to receive them.

Understanding what Feedback is  is essential to know how to do it, and to explain what my dear friend Matheus Haddad once told me about this subject.

"Feedback is nothing more than getting back the reactions of the environment and people, about a behavior, about an action, about something you did or said."

We usually have two main types of Feedback: when the reactions are good, we consider it to be recognition Feedback, and when the reactions are bad, the Feedback is constructive. One of the great points that we must take into account is that the process of giving and receiving Feedback is more complex than we think and many people believe that they can do both with mastery. Feedback has two ways, giving and receiving, and they are totally different things.

I learned as a teenager that Feedback should only be given when asked, but we know nowadays it is one of the skills/competence/knowledge/technique that everyone somehow uses without permission, and I still wonder if this should be so or not, but I haven't reached a conclusion yet.

Feedback that generates good results will only happen if there is trust between the parties involved. At home, we usually have this trust, but at work, it tends to be different, because somehow, regardless of the company you work for, there is some power relationship that can prevent or hinder this process. So, making explicit the bond of trust is essential and, in addition, we have to start from the principle that most people do not do things with the intention to do the worst, of doing it in a bad way and this is one of the reasons that listening to Feedback is almost always a difficult process.

A good practice is to make explicit agreements with people you trust to give Feedback, and one reason is that when you ask, you are open to receiving and this will be a big step towards absorbing the wealth that may come. Practicing with people you really trust helps you deal with the various feelings that can arise when listening to Feedback.

Receiving Feedback is an art,

and one of the most difficult in my point of view, because we need to exercise hearing, and listening carefully is one of the greatest challenges. It is natural to have some internal reaction, and we often externalize it, I map some of them and divide them into behavioral modes:

• Impatient Mode - You hear already waiting for a gap to answer something;
• Advocating Mode - You defend yourself by justifying the point of the Feedback, this can also come along with the Impatient Mode;
• Devalued Mode - You start to think about the great difficulty you had to do this and that the person is not valuing your work;
• Polite Mode - You know deep down that you are going to discard everything that person is going to tell you, but you listen to the end;
• Justifying Mode - You listen, but internally you seek to justify all possible points within you of the whys of the points brought and thus relieve the points.
• Comparative Mode - You are comparing each point brought by the person and thinking that he or she did the same thing as you or compared your Feedback with another behavior or action that you do or did on another day giving Feedback. E.g.: "but you did that day too".
• Grimacing Mode: someone gives you Feedback, and you make a face that you didn't like, even though it was a good point;
• Memory Mode - Feedback bothers you and you keep it in a special place inside you to never forget it, but unfortunately it will often be used for less than good purposes.

Understanding how to receive is the first step to really understanding and learning to give good Feedback, in addition, the flight attendant already said, "... put the oxygen mask on you first ...", then practice receiving, invest in emotional intelligence, knowing how to receive and control your emotions is essential. This is important so that you can take any and all learning from Feedback, without hurting yourself; otherwise, it will be a unique suffering to receive Feedback, do not expect everyone who will give you Feedback, requested or not, will know how to do it! Understanding the same Feedback, given in the same situation and condition to two different people, usually generates different feelings in each of them. Remember that we are human beings, and the human mind is able to break free or imprison

Don't blame the speaker! You can have control over what your feelings do to you, while still feeling them!

Another tip is to practice active listening, as learning to receive Feedback is very good for you in your personal and professional development!

But what did they do with Feedback?

In many cases, it ended up becoming a way of giving an opinion on the work of others, of criticizing what was done or even used for personal evaluation, team performance etc., but was he created for that? Is it the best way to use this incredible tool?

Some people say that Feedback is a gift, others disagree, but if really giving Feedback is giving a gift, remember that we only give a gift to people we care about, and always in order to help you to improve, because the Feedback is for improvement, if your intention when giving Feedback is not that, reflect what on is it then?

Before giving Feedback,

even for people who ask you, keep in mind that they may not be ready to receive! They may not have the same ability and knowledge as you do about how to receive Feedback, or even the best emotional conditions for it.

Also, remember that your Feedback may or may not be accepted, and you shouldn't feel bad if the person demonstrates any of the behavioral modes identified here.

I also identified some, which I will call here “dysfunctional types” that occur when giving Feedback, try to avoid them:

• Feedback Waterfall - one that arrives every 3 months or more and with the result that your behavior or action needs to change, normally used for performance appraisals, salary projections or justification for dismissal.
• Feedback Wolf in Sheep's Skin - one where the person arrives softly, lovingly, starting with one or two acknowledgements and then only sending criticisms;
• Truck Freight Feedback - Arrives in tonnes in one go.
• Gaseous Feedback - That vague Feedback, without an example fact or much context.
• Disposable Feedback - The one you already start saying that if the person does not find value they can discard, in this case if they are in doubt about it, why give it? It may be that the need for that Feedback is actually yours.
• F .... Back - Pure, offensive criticism, usually given by people who think they know how to give Feedback, where some even try to use NVC (Nonviolent Communication) techniques to pass on their opinion about the work you did, only showing the bad points or asking why what you did but the intention deep inside the person wants to help you.

To help you not fall into these types,

I have listed here good practices for giving Feedback:

• Have an explicit agreement with the people you want to give Feedback;
• If you do not have an explicit agreement to give Feedback and you believe it will help the person, before giving it to them, ask how the person is feeling at that moment to receive Feedback, depending on the answer an explicit agreement will emerge, so from it you will know what to do;
• See not only constructive points, or also commonly known as points of improvement, but recognition. Practice all your senses to identify the points of recognition.
• Do not give Feedback if you have a personal problem with the person; you will surely fall into some of the dysfunctions.
• Be precise in your Feedback, say what the point is and bring a real example of good things and constructive points and the most recent one, it will be easier for both you and the recipient. E.g.: “On Monday, when you presented the slides of the work, in the middle of the explanation, you brought an example identifying the author, saying the name of the book and the page. That reference was very good! ”
• If you have a lot of Feedback, prioritize and deliver only the ones that will generate the best improvements, and remember to include the recognition ones;
• Categorize your Feedbacks. Ex .: Content, Slides, Actions, Words and others that have their context;
• Do not keep Feedbacks for too long, the sooner you do better;
• Find out if the message you wanted to send was clear and without a doubt, remember that there is nothing obvious!
• Feedback has to be given in person. Remember that the best communication between two people takes into account all the senses we have, expressions, tone of voice, body posture, etc. everything is part of communication.
• Tirelessly avoid written Feedback, do not forget that people can read a written text in many ways, and the understanding of it completely depends on how emotionally that person is feeling at the time of reading.

Feedback should not be simply an opinion and should not express feeling or emotion, however, Feedback based on facts and verifiable objectives offers the best learnings and opportunities to someone who is receiving it.

We could go into more depth on the subject here, but this article would be really great, so to finish, I would like to share a sentence about Feedback that I learned when I visited the Monastery of the Resurrection in Ponta Grossa - Paraná - Brasil, it is one of the most profound and difficult to understand.

 Remember, all Feedback, regardless of how it is given, is a learning opportunity!

Do you know other types of dysfunctions or Modes? Please share it here!