WHAT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS OFFER

On average, it takes a woman 7 times of leaving an abusive relationship and going back to her abuser before finally ending the relationship.

You mustered the strength to leave an unhealthy abusive relationship and you may be wondering who will help you? or should you go back to the relationship because you don’t have money to take care of yourself or have a safe place to sleep, I speak from personal experience of having these same thoughts when I left my abuser, but I left for the sake of my daughter because I wanted her to live in a home full of love and safety.

One of the first places to consider getting supportive services is at a Domestic Violence shelter, in the next section I’m going to break down where to call, what to expect when you call a Domestic Violence hotline, what the shelter experience may entail, and the services the Domestic Violence center may offer.

Domestic Violence Hotline- The hotlines are offered in every U.S. state, most major cities, and there’s a toll-free nationwide hotline (800-799-7233). Whether you use a local or nationwide hotline you’re able to utilize this free service to speak to a trusted, trained professional staff on a confidential line. You can remain anonymous when calling the hotline to talk to staff about your relationship and at the end of the call if you want to receive resources for your needs; you’ll be offered information and what your next steps will be after the call.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide you with your local Domestic Violence shelter phone number; just provide your zip code. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7, 365 by call, text and chat and you can speak to the hotline staff in your preferred language.

Domestic Violence Shelter /Shelter Services- If you decide to receive services at a Domestic Violence shelter here are the services that may be available to you:

1.???? If you can safely plan/leave your unsafe relationship, please consider calling the shelter you want to temporarily live in. Some centers will have shelter staff arrange free transportation to the center for you *(some shelters require you get to the shelter on your own without their financial assistance of a rideshare/cab etc.); please check with your local shelter for details.

2.???? Upon arrival, a trained shelter staff will ask you for basic information such as: your name, current address, if you have children in your custody that also require shelter services and if you have pets. *Some Domestic Violence shelters will allow you to bring your pet and other shelters do not; please provide the shelter hotline staff with this information during the intake call.

3.???? When you and/or you & your family enter the shelter, you may be asked for ID and other vital documents (i.e., birth certificate, social security card etc.), IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THIS INFORMATION, PLEASE STILL GO TO THE CENTER BECAUSE STAFF CAN ORDER AND MAY BE ABLE TO PAY FOR THESE VITAL DOCUMENTS ON YOUR BEHALF.

4.???? You will have a curfew; you will not be allowed visitors at the center; it’s to protect your privacy and for the safety of other residents. You are NOT permitted to provide the address of the shelter to absolutely no one. The shelters use a P.O. Box for mail. You will be provided with a shelter handbook and the guidelines/policies and expectations of you while you’re in the program will be explained in detail.

5.???? After your intake is completed, the Intake Shelter staff will assign you a room that you may or may not have to share with other women or families. The rooms usually have bunkbeds & communal living quarters; some rooms have single twin beds, but the majority of shelters try to serve as many people as possible so you may not have a private room. If you require a crib for your child(ren), you will be provided with this type of bed/bedding.

6.???? You will be provided with hygiene products, bedding, food, clothing, and a cell phone if needed. You will be required to do daily chores in the center, and you’ll be able to do laundry on site; they provide you with laundry detergent. *While at the center your basic necessities will be free.

7.???? You will be required to meet with your assigned case manager on a weekly basis to provide an update about your progress to regain independence. Most shelters require you work or have a steady source of income so you can independently sustain your housing after you exit the program. Most shelters only allow you to be supported by them for 90 days and only offer an extension for your stay on a case-by-case basis.

8.???? Some centers require that you leave the site Monday-Friday during business hours to go to work, volunteer or go into the community to attend medical appointments or other important tasks. *You may not have to leave the center if you have medical/mental health or other challenges that prevent you from doing so.

9.???? The shelter staff can help you secure housing outside of the center, pay your move in cost fees for an apartment/house rental. Your case manager can give you referrals to the employment center, legal services (to assist with a protective abuse order/child visitation, U-Visa for undocumented individuals etc.), medical, transportation, furniture referral and more; your case manager is your Go-To-Person for your needs however, you will be expected to create your own goals for yourself.

10.? You can exit the shelter anytime you want, however, you may also be exited if you violate any of the policies/rules of the program. If you exit the program prematurely, you may have to wait a certain period of time before receiving shelter services again from that site OR in certain circumstances, you may be permanently banned from receiving services from the center again.

11.? Some Domestic Violence shelters do offer counseling services, support groups for you and your family and some shelters have free on-site childcare. There are multiple stoves/microwaves in the communal kitchen and there’s a pantry that has dried goods/limited snacks. Some individuals do receive SNAP benefits (Food Stamps) while receiving supportive shelter services, please talk to your SNAP benefits case manager about this information.

12.? If you want assistance, your shelter case manager will assist you with finding affordable safe housing, get your mail and other resources. If you want to relocate to another county/state your case manager can help you arrange the move, and the shelter program may be able to pay for the move; please speak to your case manager for specific details.

Every Domestic Violence shelter program varies from one shelter to another, please check with the shelter staff at the program you’re interested in receiving services from for more details. When you leave your relationship, you’ll certainly have a lot of thoughts and feelings swirling around in your mind; I applaud you for your bravery and the desire to rebuild your life in the best way for you. Just know that the majority of the shelter staff care about your well-being and want you to succeed. There are Domestic Violence shelter programs that can meet most of your needs; the main goal is your overall safety; these agencies are there to remove as many barriers for you as possible during your healing journey and most DV shelters offer after care programs; I took full advantage of most of the applicable services and attending the DV support groups helped me the most. Recovery after trauma is possible and I can’t wait to hear about what services helped you the most, please email me at [email protected] with your Survival Story.

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RESOURCES

e-Book- "It's Time to Go! How to Safely leave an abusive relationship... Discovering your Strengths, Self-Love, and Path to Recovery"

Author: Shalisa L. Wall. https://books2read.com/u/mK6XxL

National Domestic Violence Hotline- If you or someone you know is in an abusive romantic relationship and needs resources, please call 1-800-799-7233. TTY 1-800-787-3224. Text- “START” to 88788. Open 24/7, 365 by call/text/chat (You can speak to representatives in English & Espanol). https://www.thehotline.org/

Polaris Project- Connects victims/survivors of sex & labor trafficking to services/safe havens. 1-888-373-7888. Text: “Be free” to 233733 www.polarisproject.org

SCRIPTURE OF THE DAY

Psalm 46:5. “God is within her;?she will not fall; God will help?her at break of day.”

?NEXT WEEK’S “WINNING EVERY WEDNESDAY” TOPIC:

“From Beauty to Beast to Beauty”

??DISCLAIMER

Every Wednesday, I write an article on my “Shalisa’s Sisters” LinkedIn page for the “Winning Every Wednesday” Newsletter. The articles are intended to provide meaningful and helpful information for Women that have survived Domestic Violence; I hope the resources will be building blocks to help you in your healing journey. I too was a victim of Domestic Violence and in that abusive relationship, I constantly walked on eggshells trying to please him, he ridiculed me, he withheld affection/finances/constantly belittled me/he tracked my every movement/he was unfaithful, but the one thing that impacted me most; was the isolation and loneliness I felt. I created Shalisa’s Sisters so that all women could feel safe and to let you know that you belong to a sisterhood of women that care about You!

In this safe space, you’re welcome here! We care about what you and your life experiences. We believe your survival story and life experiences; you can safely unpack your burdens in this Judgement Free Zone. ?In this group, you can make new friends and maintain healthy relationships, network, and be in the company of women that will uplift you because we want you to have a renewed and great life!

I am a lay person, and my opinions or resources are not meant to replace legal or medical advice; the resources are merely informative. I am not legally liable nor responsible for any legal, illegal actions/inactions, or behaviors of any person in a civil or criminal manner as it pertains to your Domestic Violence situation/life circumstances, please comply with all local, state, and federal laws/ordinances as it relates to your legal rights/laws. I implore you to consider the following: seeking professional legal counsel and complying with their advice, contact Domestic Violence professionals and related professional resources for support. When leaving an abusive relationship, please always use sound judgement and plan accordingly based upon your personal situation, in emergency situations immediately call 911 or other legal authorities about your circumstances. *Remember, you deserve love and to be treated with dignity, honor, and respect. Thank you for your continued support.

#ShalisasSisters

#YouDeserveLove

#SisterhoodofSurvivors

#DomesticViolenceShelters

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