What Doesn’t Kill You Really Does Make You Stronger

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“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is an adage you’ve probably heard dozens of times, usually followed by a sigh of resignation. It’s often one of the last things you want to hear when you’re going through a difficult time, but there is real science behind this saying.?

In my last newsletter, we discussed how we can build resilience in our day-to-day lives. While resilience is a learned skill and there are concrete ways to develop it, resilience is also a natural part of facing and overcoming challenges. Over and over, science has shown that growth in the face of adversity is not only achievable, but natural as well.?

“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Nelson Mandela

Ponder this…

When most of us think of trauma, we think of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a mental health condition that occurs after a person witnesses or experiences a tragic or distressing event. While PTSD is a relatively common reaction, in reality it is not the only outcome, nor is it the most common.?

After a traumatic event, most people experience what scientists call a “resilience trajectory,” showing initial signs of stress but then recovering completely. Many survivors even report positive changes and enhanced personal development. This post-traumatic growth (PTG) refers to any beneficial change resulting from a traumatic event, but people most commonly experience a positive shift by having a renewed appreciation for life, adopting a new world view,? feeling more personal strength, or feeling more satisfied spiritually. In one meta-study of more than 10,000 trauma survivors, about 50% reported at least some level of PTG.

While no one wants to endure trauma, it can be helpful to know that even terrible experiences can result in positive effects. While there is no definitive way to know how your brain will react to traumatic events, there are steps you can take to better cope with these challenges when they come along. As we learned in my last newsletter, one of the 5 pillars of resilience is healthy thinking, the ability to produce a pattern of thinking that results in a positive mindset. When we meet challenges, we have an opportunity to take that healthy thinking even farther, using a mental skill that psychologists call reappraisal.?

Reappraisal isn’t about wearing rose-colored glasses, but a way to find positive meaning in the event of negative stressors. The next time you’re facing a challenge, you can practice reappraisal by asking yourself questions like: What is the possible opportunity or silver lining here? What new knowledge or strengths is this helping me develop? How might I benefit from this challenge? By reframing difficult events, we can not only cope better in the moment but use our challenges to fuel and accelerate our growth.

Next time, I’ll conclude my three-part series on resilience, where I’ll discuss how to build a more resilient team.?

Recommended Reading

What Really Makes Us Resilient?

Marcus Buckingham shares how each of us can cultivate resilience in our own lives.

Our Brains Struggle to Process This Much Stress

What happens when your brain doesn’t have time to recover from trauma? Tara Haelle explains.?

“Serious” Leaders Need Self-Care, Too

Palena Neale explores why so few leaders practice self-care, despite overwhelming evidence that it works.?

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