What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

The worst days can be your best experiences.

As I sit typing this morning it's the 20th anniversary of loosing my father. He was only 41 the same age I am now when we lost him to oesophageal cancer. (Edit: I never even realised that today was world cancer today so an even more fitting tribute to a good man)

When I was only 20 I had what can only be described as the worst weekend of my life. My little brother was rushed into hospital by ambulance in the early hours of the morning on Friday the 1st February. He had gone blind. I was woken by my mother who rang me of course panicked and worried, so I rushed over to the hospital to help. My partner at the time went to look after my dad who was ill and being cared for at home by me usually. My mother wasn't in the most rational of minds of course so the task of dealing with the doctors fell to me. Several scans and bllod tests later it was confirmed there was a 'mass' in his brain. We we're rushed to Walton Neurological centre. (Who were fantastic by the way).

After a short time we we're greeted by a young consultant who had not long ago qualified. It was 10pm buy this point when he said the words you never want to hear. "If we don't operate now he may not make it to the morning." So off he went straight to surgery while I called home to let the rest of my family know what was happening.

Dad was in end of life care at this point. Radio,Chemo had all failed. I was still naively prating for some miracle and wasn't ready to let go. My partner had to break it to me that my dad was now slipping in and out of conciousness and the doctor had told her his body was beginning to shut down. He had a matter of days left if we were lucky.

In the space of half an hour I had to deal with my brother going in to life savin surgery and then the prospect my dad will be passing away imminently. It was like my world was falling apart. I don't mind admitting I found a concealed little corner and cried my eyes out.

At 6am after an 8 hour surgery my little brother emerged from surgerry with his tumour removed but he had a stroke during surgery. It was touch and go, whether he would survive. I'm lucky he made it through eventually. He has his challenges but I wouldn't have him any other way.

I made it home to my dad on sunday and he passed away peacefully with me holding his hand at 17:02 on the 4th February 2002.

So why am I banging on about all this today? Well That weekend made me who I am today I cam through it a stronger person than I was. If I hadn't had gone through that trauma I wouldn't be who I am today.

So even after 20 years my dad is still helping prepare me for the tough world. I've been through other things since of course including my own brain surgery some years later. If I hadn't have gone through that weekend something else may have broken me.

So in conclusion whtever you're going through whether it be mental or physical. Always remember you WILL come out the other side a stronger person for it and that can only be a good thing.