What does success look like to you?

Think about yourself ten or twenty years ago. 

What was your definition of success? 

What did you think you had to do, be and have in order to call yourself successful?

How close are you to that definition today? 

Have you achieved it? 

Did you come close? 

Did your priorities change and, therefore, your definition changed?

How do you define success today? What will you have to do, be and have in order to call yourself successful by the end of this year? In five years? In ten years?

We’re supposed to want bigger houses, nicer cars, extravagant holiday’s and lots of fun toys. This is supposed to make us happy. It’s all about doing and having with no being in the equation.

You and I both know that this is total crap. 

It keeps most people on the hamster wheel of life, running faster and faster, chasing the “happiness” carrot and never getting any closer.

The messages we all get, convince us that success is somewhere “out there” and we’re supposed to be running the race to get “there” (wherever “there” is).

Even when we achieve our goals and old definitions of success, we decide that they’re not good enough. We need more, bigger and better. We rarely celebrate our achievements. Instead, we beat ourselves up because it wasn’t good enough.

Out of University, my definitions of success were exactly what everyone thought they were supposed to be: quickly climbing the ladder at a great job, getting happily married, living in a nice house with two beautiful kids running around who do well in school are perfectly behaved, who eventually go to University and repeated my life all over again.

Fortunately, I came to my senses and realised how horribly wrong this was for me. Some of my definitions of success I wanted to keep, but others that sounded successful made me miserable.

My first recruitment business was very successful (in terms of turnover, staff and traditional terms of success) and yet I ended up hating it.

Here’s why – I defined the success of the business by how much money it and subsequently I made – and in those terms it was successful. However in the same period of that success, I got married – remember my ideas of success were all coming true.

I went on honeymoon – but the way I had built my life and my business meant – I couldn’t leave it – so I took the phone calls, sent the emails, did the deals – all whilst on honeymoon with my wife on beautiful Santorini – leaving her at the pool, often for a few hours, not being able to quite make lunch, going to be a bit late when we go for dinner, because I just have to do this call and getting up extra early – often 4 am because I don’t want to ruin the honeymoon by being on the phone all of the time.

You can imagine what happened. My wife, patient and understanding of my ambition for the business, grew tired of being patient. She wanted a life (how dare she) and her idea of success was not the same as mine.

Not on the honeymoon, but honestly not long after, she gave me an ultimatum. Success for her ad she had felt me, when we married, was around building a family, having time for each other, supporting each other and having a life outside of work – not what we had currently and as much as she loved me – she couldn’t live this life.

I took it on board – but we moved on quickly because we had just had some amazing news, my elder daughter Phoebe was on the way. Life moved at a pace and the success definitions had not changed for either of us. Our daughter was born, life was turning out just the way I imagined.

Five months after her birth, we started to notice she was not putting on weight, she was struggling and on boxing day that year, we went to hospital. Six months later we were still in hospital, living on a day to day basis with the worst diagnosis you can imagine. Our daughter eventually was fully oxygen dependent and fed through a gastrostomy and had several other health issues.

My definition of success had changed – honestly over those six months the business meant nothing, the striving for money meant nothing but what did mean more than anything was the definition of success we had built around ourselves and our family and getting through this period.

(I should just add, that with the marvellous NHS and lots of patience and time, my daughter is now 13 and doing incredibly well)

Success is personal and changes.

Over the last 14 years things improved medically, my idea of success around our business and family life have melded together in a much more harmonious way – the key to it was us working together as a family and being honest about what success looked like for each of us and melding them together.

I should say – this sounds wonderful and often it is – but life is real and we still argue about the stupid hours I keep, the things I miss or my lack of attention to detail but most of the time we muddle along – Again a definition of success to me now is – how well do we muddle along.

After working with lots of business owners I know many who spend their lives knowing that their situation is wrong for them but society, friends and family tell them it’s right because it’s pretty, safe and secure and it’s what you’re supposed to be happy with.  

At different points along my journey, I’ve taken the time to write down what my perfect day would look like in as much detail as I could imagine.  

I would read it a few times for days after I wrote it. And over time I kept the vision in my mind.

And life would move along, as it does.

And then a funny thing would happen.

I would pull out that piece of paper and read it again a few years later, after I had pretty much forgotten about it.

My picture of happiness and success was my actual life and I hadn’t even realised it.

Today I look around on a daily basis and say, “How cool is this! I have the most amazing life! This is what I wanted so badly for so long! And it’s here, right now.” I smile a very big smile and say a very big “Thank You.

I know it can only get better from here.

I’ve learned that success is more of a path than a destination. It’s less about the doing and having and much more about the being.

My biggest success is the person I’ve become along the way, not anything I do or have. Ironically, I wouldn’t have or do the things I have and do if it weren’t for the person I’ve become.

I’m constantly growing and changing and evolving as I continue along my path.

I have so many plans for ways to impact the lives of the business owners I meet and I’m working on those plans as fast as I can, making sure that I enjoy the ride.

What’s your definition of success? 

 Are you living it? 

 What would it take for you to realise your dreams?  

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