What does my local Mexican ice cream store have to do with my healing?
?My history stopped me from learning a lot of different emotions. I spent a lot of time terrified--I never knew when either of my knees would dislocate (literally--even in my sleep!). I think I held my breath most of my young life. I was either terrified or furious without anything in between. I chose fury--it was more powerful and protective.
It was like selecting between chocolate and vanilla, and I chose chocolate. Periodically I'd try another "flavor" (feeling), and my go-to was always my anger. It was a strong, powerful, protective shield. I didn't need no stinkin' vanilla. Vanilla was for weenies, and it threatened my sense of personal power.
And then I went to La Michoacana Premium (my local Mexican ice cream store, LMP). While the variety of chocolate flavors at the 31 flavors store nudged me from "meh," it had never moved me.
LMP? OMG. Triple the 31 flavors. All the chocolates in one place. Dark, milk, semisweet, white, fudge striped, with cookies, almonds, coffee, hazelnut, mint, buttercream, peanut butter, toffee, caramel, cherry, orange, cordial--and more (even topped with corn chips). A whole nest of all the variations on.. chocolate. OMG.
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And I got it. They were synonyms for... chocolate, each different, all part of the chocolate family.
I went home, looked up "synonyms for anger" and found over 50 flavors of one feeling. All based on... anger. And then I looked up the synonyms for fear... and for happiness. Ditto.
So I decided to sample the variations--in ice cream and in feelings. It took a lot more work for the feelings than the ice cream, and it was doable. I found examples, learned when folks seemed to experience them, what they felt like, and sampled galore.
Along the way, I discovered I enjoyed feeling more than just terror and rage, and by sampling the "flavors," my healing was helped.