What does it mean when your boss says NO?

I used to ask my boss for things. 

And then they'd say Yes or No. 

Sometimes I asked for a promotion or a raise.

This one time, I asked for a black notebook for client notes. 

She said "No". 

She told me the firm was now using spiral bound notebooks, and I could have one of those instead.

Like the Hilroy kind.

I was not happy.

I got on my high horse and thought: "I'm here burning the midnight oil, and I can't get a Black notebook???"

And then I had the thought:

"I am asking for a $10 notebook, and they won't give it to me. Clearly, they don't appreciate me."

Have you ever had thoughts like that? 

We all do.

It's totally normal.

And here's what I want to offer: 

Sometimes your boss will say Yes. 

Sometimes they will say No. 

And it doesn't actually have to mean Anything about YOU.

Isn't that crazy?

The Hilroy notebook is neutral.

A Hilroy notebook is not inherently good or bad.

But the Story, the Meaning I give it, will determine whether it's good, bad, or neutral to ME.

In this instance, her saying no could have meant she thought I didn't deserve one.

OR it could have meant they really needed to cut costs.

It could have meant she was giving clients what they wanted: service with less pomp and overhead.

It could have meant she dealt with something with all the attention she thought it deserved (0.5 seconds).

All those different meanings and thoughts were options to me. 

Notice that what we make something MEAN is always OUR option.  

And we can choose to make it mean something painful or something completely benign. 

So what DOES it mean when your boss says No? 

Absolutely anything you want it to. 

And that means you get to feel any way You want to about it.

How cool is that?!

P.S. If you're in the loop of feeling like shit at work, and you're ready for a change, reach out. I can help.