What does it mean when we say a life well lived? By Noeleen Cohen

Celebrating Wisdom

“Lives well lived” is a Circle Square series, celebrating the incredible wisdom of people aged over 70, who are living meaningful and purposeful lives. Their stories might make us laugh, perhaps cry, but mostly, they’ll inspire us.

Everyone has a story, not just those who have done the most extraordinary things. We are all fascinated by people’s lives and the journeys on which individuals embark. It is not something that we recognise as we pass through each year, but we know that everyone has a rich and interesting story. And we all benefit from hearing and sharing these stories.??

Circle Square is an extraordinary and diverse collective of people over 50, including many positive-minded people in their 70s and beyond. It may be a member, a friend, or for those blessed to still have them, our parents. If like me, you’re especially blessed, you have amazing parents-in-law too.?

Leon and Peggy Cohen

My parents-in-law,?Leon and Peggy, are 92? and 90 respectively. Theirs are genuinely?lives well lived; together and individually, as beautiful, generous, talented and wise human beings. From the moment I met them, they had a rare togetherness. A relationship of equals, mutual respect and an un-soppy love for one another and their family. Is it perfect? No. Does it inspire me and their son in our relationship and as parents? Undoubtedly.?

My father-in-law is a businessman at heart, having run, restructured and sold businesses in his lifetime, spent in South Africa. While doing all that, he had an unconventional but?successful side-hustle in South Africa’s political transformation. He shaped the way that business leaders interacted with their workers. He mentored freedom fighters as they became the new political leaders, business people and social change makers. He led the transformation of institutions and legal frameworks that were not fit for purpose. He’s still the wisest and best confidante you’ll find, and an inspiration to a new generation of politicians and leaders. Most especially to his three grandsons.?

We all dream of having ‘those genes’. The ones that make you ageless, that keep you looking young. But really, they’re worthless if the beauty is only on the outside. My mother-in-law?is beautiful, inside and out. Pegs (as we call her)?is filled with compassion and unconditional love for her family and everyone around her, but hidden in this squishy love, is an extraordinary depth of determination. She pushed back at her very traditional father and studied fine art at university in the early 1950s, at a time when women were generally not seen around institutions of higher learning, let alone in a life-drawing class. She’s walking amazingly after falling and having a hip-replacement in her 91st year and she remains the best cook in the family (the bar is quite high).?But that’s not Peggy's story. Her story is the home, the safe space, the sanctuary that she created, wherever her family were. A family home that wholly welcomed the stranger (there were many), and in which a beloved member of staff was cared for as their life was ravaged by HIV Aids. If there was a word for that mix of compassion and determination, I’d call it “my MIL”.??

Life Lessons

So, what can we learn from Peggy and Leon, who have embraced what it means to live well??Alongside wisdom about many things, they remain curious. It feels like they have learnt to be more patient with age and that they are accepting of help in a way that they only ever knew how to give. Rather than simply look at them in awe and wonder, I remind myself to take it in, to hold on to what my beautiful in-laws continue to teach us. Should I be so lucky to live to 90-something, I’m going to need this reminder of what it means to embrace a life well lived.??