What does it mean to trust yourself?

For me, it’s not about crossing my fingers and hoping everything works out. I never fully believed that approach, but for a long time, I thought that’s what self-trust was supposed to look like--so I rejected it. My initial definition of self-trust involved pushing myself to make things happen by planning every detail and exerting too much effort. While planning and effort aren’t bad, that’s not real trust. I tried to fill every gap with guarantees, eliminating the need for trust altogether.

This aversion to trust began after some embarrassing moments in my early adult life when I froze and didn’t know what to say. Those painful experiences made me believe I wasn’t trustworthy. To avoid feeling that shame again, I adopted a strategy of endless preparation, anticipating every outcome. But this constant vigilance, fueled by anxiety, was exhausting and came at great cost to my health. We’re not meant to live in a continuous state of fight-or-flight, yet for a long time, it felt safer than trusting myself. Spoiler alert: it’s not. I just didn’t fully understand what trusting myself looked like or how it felt.

If you’re using a similar strategy and wondering if there’s a better way, the answer is absolutely yes. I started by paying attention to my inner voice. When anxiety arises, I no longer try to ignore it. Instead, I ask what message it’s carrying. When I feel excitement, I recognize it as a sign to stay curious and move forward. This understanding of my body's signals has paved the way for cultivating self-trust. It’s okay not to have all the answers or know exactly how things will unfold. Another practice that helps is having the confidence that my future self will know what to do when the time comes, even if I don’t have it all figured out right now.

Over time, the leaps of faith have become smaller, and I can hardly remember what I feared about trust in the first place. ??

If you don't do self-trust, are you willing to play to learn how?