What does it mean to be an Intentional Friend?

With Women’s Day just completed, I wanted to talk more about female friendships. It’s a topic that’s been on my mind since I saw that viral video of actress Jane Fonda talking about the topic.

In it Fonda says,?“What you have to do is, you have to be intentional,”?when the interview turned to friendship. For example, having met fellow actress Sally Field, Fonda decided she wanted to make friends, and so she pursued Field. "Goodness sakes, I couldn’t make you stop," Field recalled. On the same show actress Lily Tomlin said. "I try to avoid people. I don’t really like them. But those who are intentional, you just can't get rid of them." "They won't go away," Field agreed. If you would like to check out a snippet, here is the link:https://tinyurl.com/4fnej7kw

Inspired by that video, here are my thoughts on friendships.?

Making friends evolves over time

Growing up, it was easy to make friends. You went down to your building compound to play and you came back with a best friend. But, as an adult, navigating these relationships are hard. Added to that women get a bad rap as not being able to be there for their friends. This maybe in part because we carry double the load, working at our jobs and working at home.?

In my experience, women’s friendships can be competitive and judgmental. I was famously part of cliques while growing up. Unfortunately, I might have been influenced by them as well. I look back at my youth and wonder would I have done things differently if I was not part of a clique. As you grow more into the person you want to be, you gravitate more towards people who will let you be. You learn to make your own decisions and how not to follow the herd. That’s when I feel your circle becomes smaller and more intentional.

The need to consciously advocate for women

Conversations with my older women friends resonates one theme: our circle is becoming smaller, and how sometimes we miss having that friend you can call up at any time. I decided to experiment, because I wanted to do something about it. I decided to advocate for a certain set of girls at all times. Before even seeing the video, I became intentional. This meant I decided I would always be a phone call away from them, engage with their social media (do not laugh at that), show up to support them and speak their name in rooms even when they were not present.

Being intentional works

The results from a single person (me) experiment worked. The women may not know that I was showing up for them intentionally but they reciprocated. It got to a point where I landed up at a friend’s birthday party of maybe three??years. As part of her thank you speech, I was pleasantly surprised to hear her say, “ I am so happy to see you all here. everyone who is important to me is standing in this room!” It brought home the point that if you are intentional, you can make friends at any age.

Intentionality works both ways?

Without knowing it I too started gravitating towards intentional friends. During a hard time, last year, I was staying away from fair-weather friends. But I continued to be aware of those showing up around me. During that time, a friend of mine just said yes to everything I asked of her. We have been friends for over a decade now. She got me a dress to my father’s funeral, I was heavily pregnant at the time and not mobile. She arranged the flowers and generally was around to discuss death or just gossip.?

I had a friend who would not give up on me as well. We had over two decades of friendship, but I did not feel there was any intentionality, over the years. She kept pursuing me and I realized she was showing up with intent in my life. It made me feel good to know that there are those women in my life who genuinely care for me and show it in more ways than one. And yes, my list of those I will advocate for has gotten longer. Because intentionality goes both ways.

In the end, though, I have to thank the women around me for showing up and demonstrating the virtues of a good friendship. As Jane Fonda says “ I don’t know what I would do without my women friends. They make me stronger, they make smarter, they make me braver.” What about you’ll ? do you’ll think intentionality is important in friendship? What else do you think is needed to sustain it? Look forward to your comments below