What does it mean to be a disabled public servant in Canada these days?
Julianna Rowsell
Chronically-ill, neurodivergent, disabled product equity leader working at the intersection of design, research and equitable innovation
This is from my perspective. Not every disabled public servant will share my experiences, or have my expectations for change. I'm not aiming to speak for others, just elevate my own observations working and living in that space as a disabled public servant myself.
For me - It felt like a performance. Some masquerade between authenticity and a profound spiritual and mental cost. The expectation of “tell your story, over and over again” ate at me everyday in the last year I existed in that space. Yet, few with decision making power listened or if they were listening their actions remained aligned with institutions, their finances and managers will little support or understanding of the disability community, or our needs. In some cases their own curiosity drove them more than repairing the damaged links that lead to derailing meeting of our access needs. We become scapegoats for why hiring is hard. But in reality not all of the needs are that complex. Some simply require more yes and less no, or answers instead of silence, walls and ambiguity.
Disability isn’t a dirty word. I am disabled. I can still function, grow, learn, adapt, provide, shine, and fail, just like anyone else. Yet the justification for existing as we are, requesting tools and environments that we need to thrive are routinely rejected. Often for reasons that do not do service to public spaces, public institutions or private ones. Some think we have made progress but I felt like a 1990s cd stuck on repeat. If there is a scratch that changes the path, it becomes a mountain. People take advantage of that mountain in the name of allowing lived experiences to guide us, yet suppressing it at every turn when it was meant to spur action. I felt like someone holding up recycling that was bound for the trash can.
To be disabled in the public service can erode ones sense of self. Every new manager wants a justification. This means we need to protect ourselves more, tread carefully in our engagements, and worry about reprisals that should not be an option at any point in this process. Every new ask, slight shift or change in medical status under microscopes. Yet our non-disabled counterparts asking for shifts for health, family, children find a different set of rules, levels of resistance and playfields to navigate then we do. Talk to HR, talk to Labour Relations, talk to Health Canada, talk to Informal Conflict Management - but the stress from these talks, so few people and places address. The burden laying at our feet is immense.?
As someone with ADHD it’s like a form of tax, if there’s enough steps, hiccups and paper work I’m likely to get derailed and give up. It’s why I became an advocate for other disabled public servants. It wouldn’t give up for others. That became a motivator. In over 1,100 office hours in the last 5 years of my career + the first year away from the public service more than 200 were with disabled public servants. They were trying to navigate the system, find support, a person who would listen and perhaps understand.
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I questioned my own sense of value so many times. I’d step into a room, declare who I was and in some spaces folks sat and listened and in others people rolled their eyes. Oh…it’s that one again, “making more trouble”. This meant adopting an approach of chronic oversharing, attempting to have persuasive conversations with people at those tables.
I used this as a tool. Many of them used it as a weapon.?
I felt mentally defeated. Here we were supposedly going to hire 5,000 new disabled public servants, but each department was for the most part just passing the same people along, demanding more self identification to reduce their recruitment burden, yet managers not having the training to understand the implications, impacts, or being equipped to support disabled public servants. It became a magnet for conflict. It drained me of all of my willpower to keep up the “good fight”. I was a burnt out candle who’s wick was too short.
There is disillusionment with the ability as a public service to embrace the diverse talent that comes with disability in favour of the comfort and status quo of those who are entrusted to evaluate our worth, yet always find us lacking. Even against all odds, many of us succeed and exceed. We keep going, in part because we have too. In part because we are in fact capable, even in environments that seek to further disable us.
Leader in Adult Education | Post-Secondary Innovation | E-Learning and Curriculum Expert
1 年Thanks Julianna. I feel part of me woven through your article. I have been in education leadership positions most of my career and most of that time has been while I have been struggling with a chronic illness. Up until the past few years, I was able to hide my mobility challenges through compensation strategies. For example telling coworkers that I would catch up with them instead of trying to walk together to a meeting or a restaurant. Working on contracts from home during the pandemic was a great way to hide my disability. However, no matter how I have been trying to hide my disability in my recent position, I ran into a parking problem that exposed my disability. I tried to park in a handicap parking spot when I couldn’t find any other parking spot that wasn’t two blocks away. I was chased away by the business owner telling me that this handicap spot was only for his customers. I checked out the rules and he is misinformed. However he keeps harassing me, yelling and threatening to tow my car. He and his workers were even laughing at me when I tried to explain that I was legally parked and that no restrictions on parking are stated on this parking spot. I have never been subjected to outright discrimination and harassment!
Performance Improvement Designer, Facilitator & Coach - I help teams and individuals reach their goals effectively and efficiently by delivering focus and clarity.
1 年“Disability isn’t a dirty word. I am disabled. I can still function, grow, learn, adapt, provide, shine, and fail, just like anyone else.” If we actually want an inclusive and equitable society we need an inclusive and equitable workplace. More needs to be done to create positive spaces for everyone. On my own journey I focus on a strength based approach. I have chosen to share my ADHD with friends and colleagues. I have found this positive for my own self acceptance (I only became aware of my ADHD in my late 40s) and for connecting with people with the honesty and vulnerability. So far this has worked well for me. I know not everyone may be comfortable or in a place that feels safe to do this.
Government of Canada
1 年There is a long way to go. There is much to learn, but with the right Manager and the right leadership significant gains can be made.
Human Resources Advisor (Learning)
1 年Hi Julianna, Thank you. I am just starting a career as a public servant whose disclosed that I have a disability. My first casual starts in September. So far, I have not "told my story". I will self-identify for the forms and talk with other members of the disability community, and leave it there. It is such a hard decision to make. It is an enormous internal battle especially early career. I worry that coming in a little later to catch up on sleep or being in a quiet boardroom and not at my desk will not be perceived well. I am lucky to have an amazing manager, but there's the larger picture.
Canadian Public Service Executive
1 年Thank you for sharing this, Julianna. “Every new manager wants a justification.” I felt frustrated and exhausted just reading this line. I can’t imagine what it would be like to live it.