What does it mean to approach IRL like we do video games?

What does it mean to approach IRL like we do video games?

I see lots of confusion about this in the comments on my content.

Sure some of it may be trolling, but I figured I’d clarify in case it’s a genuine misunderstanding for some people.

No, it doesn’t mean you live like you have ‘unlimited lives’, or that you start doing GTA things IRL like stealing cars and robbing people (lol).

The short version:

We play video games more unstoppably and limitlessly than we ‘play’ IRL.

Our mindset is night and day compared to IRL.

We unleash our full potential when we play video games.

We also play games to experience certain things that we’re not experiencing IRL.

Once we study our experiences gaming and learn what those things are, we can create them for ourselves IRL and transform IRL into the greatest game on Earth.

Then we can play that game the way we do all the others - and experience more success in every area of our lives (health/wealth/relationships)…

AND have way more fun.

Think big with me here:

1. There are powerful ways we express ourselves in-game that we can’t seem to do IRL

We play games like unstoppable heroes, but IRL many of us shrink to a weak shell of who we COULD Be.

For example, when I played World of Warcraft, everything that held me back IRL melted away:

-No discipline or motivation problems

-No fear of failure

-No shame, no guilt, no succumbing to my emotions

-No perfectionism

-No self-sabotage

-No self-judgment/ inner criticism

-No overthinking

-No self-limiting beliefs

-No internal resistance/friction

-No caring what others think

-No giving up when things get difficult or boring/grindy

-No taking things too seriously

-No keeping the score against myself (no hyper focus on ‘losses’/‘failures’)

-No commitment issues; no constantly ‘pausing’ the game to question “Is this the right choice? Is this optimal? Should I be doing this in the first place? Should I play another game?”

-No irrational expectations e.g. “I MUST achieve this by [arbitrary date]”

-No victimizing myself

I simply played the game, and had a blast doing so.

There were also things about how I played WoW that weren’t present IRL:

-Process oriented, not results oriented; I savored every moment of the journey, from level 1 to level 60 and beyond - because playing the game is the whole point

-Unwavering confidence & unapologeticness

-I allowed myself to be whoever I wanted to be

-I dreamed as big as I wanted to, and believed in myself as much as I wanted to

-I mythologized myself and allowed myself to Be Great

-I viewed the world with a sense of wonder, awe, magic, adventure

-Flow state constantly - extremely present

-Savoring the small wins - even something as small as looting my first weapon upgrade on a fresh character - hyper focused on the wins and oblivious or otherwise completely unfazed by the ‘setbacks’

-Perfect Trust and Faith that as long as I kept playing the game, I’d eventually achieve everything I wanted; the game is ‘beatable’ - victory is guaranteed and inevitable

-Ultimate Ownership - I focused 100% on what I COULD control, not what I couldn’t; I accepted that the game works the way it works, everyone more or less plays by the same rules, and I’ll just do what I can to PLAY the game as best as possible

-Prioritizing speed and violent action; learning by doing instead of constantly thinking and planning

-3rd person PoV - I didn’t take things personally; it just happened to my character - plus I could see beyond myself and observe how it’s just an avatar I’m using to accomplish my objectives in the game…I can change it at will

-Willing to ‘suck’ as long as I need to in order to eventually get good

-Just start - no agonizing over the ‘perfect way’ -> just start playing and figure it out + build momentum…when I get ‘derailed’, just start playing again

-WHY > HOW; I’d figure anything out because I was truly, 100% determined and committed to seeing it through; my problem-solving was limitless

-Go to sleep and wake up excited to continue playing; dream about it, even

-Competitive without letting it overwhelm/demoralize me

-Unfuckwithability and defiance; nothing could get me down

-I found like-minded people to play with that pushed me and with whom I could achieve more than I would have alone

Most importantly: I became Lovingly Obsessed with playing the game.

I believed so strongly in what I was doing and loved it so much that it never felt like a chore, like something that I ‘HAD’ to do…it was a blessing, a gift, something I ‘GET’ to do…I wanted to devote myself to it fully - to play 24/7.

Now you might think, “Sure, but life ISN’T a game…there are certain things about my favorite video games that aren’t true about IRL. I couldn’t approach it, let alone enjoy it the same way. They’re too different, life is more boring - I don’t see the point.”

Here’s the next thing for you to consider:

2. WHY you game tells you exactly what you’re missing IRL

If IRL was more exciting and fun than any video game we could possibly play…then we’d never game in the first place. We’d just ‘play’ IRL.

So clearly for each of us there’s something we GET in our favorite games that IRL isn’t giving us.

I’ll explain my example.

After 15 years and 30,000 hours playing (read: escaping into) WoW on and off, I finally reached a breaking point.

I was determined to figure out what kept me coming back to the game - even when I had a great job, great relationships, great health…I’d always return eventually.

So I studied my time gaming, thinking and writing for weeks about it.

Here’s some of what I found games provided me with that I was missing IRL:

-A sense of purpose and direction; a compelling & captivating story and vision for the future that inspired me, that I could immerse myself in…even ‘lose myself’ in

-Extreme clarity about WHAT I was playing for, WHY, and HOW to get there; I always knew exactly what I was committing to and what I should do next to get closer to reaching it; consequently, I was BOUGHT IN - 100% unwaveringly committed

-A sense of wonder & awe, mystical excitement to plunge myself into a magical world of possibility and adventure - I lacked this IRL; IRL felt mundane, nihilistic, boring, drab, spiritually dead almost; it didn’t feel like an epic quest or adventure, it didn’t feel ALIVE

-Games allowed me to feel competent at something - masterful even…here was something I could be ELITE at and consequently express myself through

-There was a sense of accomplishment and self-actualization - of BECOMING someone, someone better, someone stronger - of going on a “hero’s journey” and transforming myself

-It was ‘work’ I cared deeply about…as humans we THINK we want more leisure, we think that we’ll be happy WHEN we get everything we want…but what makes us happiest and most fulfilled is meaningful, rewarding work

-IRL I felt like life was ‘happening TO’ me…in-game I felt like I was ‘happening TO’ life - like I was the Main Character in my own epic story, with total agency over my destiny

Once I figured all this out, I knew exactly what I needed to create for myself in my real life to make it just as exciting and appealing as my favorite video games were.

I could transform IRL into the greatest, most incredible game on earth.

***

How exactly do we bridge the gap between games and real life? (3 steps)

1. Design the Game of Your Life

Most people don’t know WTF they’re living for.

They never consciously decide:

-WHAT they’d like to accomplish

-WHY they’d like to accomplish it

-The STORY they tell themselves about it all

They’re left with no compelling reason to wake up in the morning.

Then they wonder why they feel ‘lost’, ‘stuck’, ‘unmotivated’, ‘unhappy’, etc.

This is like playing an uninspiring game with no clear objectives, no overarching direction, no captivating story…and then wondering why you’re not having fun.

In life, we’re not just the players; we’re also the game designers.

YOU choose what to do with the miraculous gift of your time on Earth.

YOU decide what is meaningful.

It’s something you create, not something you find.

And the beautiful thing is - you can choose whatever you want.

It’s your game that you’re designing and your story that you’re writing.

1A: WHAT

Create a vivid, detailed picture of the future life you’d like to create for yourself.

Think of this as the ‘end-game’ that you’re playing towards completing.

How much money are you making?

What are you doing every day?

What have you accomplished?

Where do you live?

Who do you hang out with?

What’s your relationship look like?

What’s your health/fitness like?

How do you dress?

What do you drive?

Don’t limit yourself during this exercise. Make it as BIG as you’d like - no matter if it sounds impossible or even scares you.

Once you’ve painted this picture in as much detail as possible, and you know EXACTLY what you’re ‘playing for’…

You can reverse engineer all the quests you’ll have to complete along the way to make it a reality - to ‘beat’ this game you’ve designed.

1B: WHY

Many people get stuck here.

They think they need some incredibly profound purpose behind what they do.

(Side note: you likely already have all the answers within you via your INTUITION - you just need to quiet your life down, put the phone away and patiently commit to HEARING them, even if it takes you weeks or months of sitting in silence, thinking & journaling)

But it doesn’t need to be ‘deep’.

It doesn’t need to be complex.

It doesn’t need to be ‘saving the world’ or Elon Musk level in its impact/magnitude/scale.

There’s also no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ answer.

You don’t need to LOGICALLY justify why something is meaningful to you.

“Just because” can be a perfectly adequate reason.

What DOES matter is that your WHY evokes EMOTION.

Think in terms of implication - for example:

“I’d like more money so that I can experience the best that life has to offer. It’ll allow me to buy my time back and create more, and I want to create more simply because I feel called to do so and I think that would be a beautiful way to use my precious time on Earth & honor the Gift of My Life. It’ll also allow me to better protect/provide for my family, to travel the world and go on adventures, to better help others, to retire my parents, to meet awesome, like-minded people…”

IMAGINE what having each of those things would FEEL like. Imagine what a day in the life would BE like, as if you’re directing a music video or movie clip in your mind.

Let the positive emotions crash over you like a tidal wave.

Create a WHY that brings tears to your eyes and makes you feel lit aflame when you think about it.

1C: STORY

Language - specifically STORY - is how we give things meaning.

I could look at my own life and tell myself any story I’d like:

-I’m helping dudes who game improve their health/wealth/relationships

vs

-I’m on an epic, divinely inspired mission to help 1,000,000+ men escape the chains of quiet desperation & despair that keep them stuck EXISTING IRL and only truly LIVING by proxy in virtual worlds…I’m helping men remember the miracle that is life and embrace it in all its fullness…I’m battling a crisis of masculinity and fatherhood that is sending the world into ruin and chaos…I’m creating millions of the most incredible Fathers on Earth; the ripple effect of the families they lead will radically improve the world for generations to come…God and the entire Universe are guiding me & conspiring to grant me incredible success…I’m MEANT for this

What story will you tell yourself about your life? About yourself?

You’ll be ‘right’ about whichever one you choose.

This applies not only to the big picture, but also to each & every moment.

When you make a ‘mistake’, when you experience a ‘setback’…

Is it a ‘mistake’ or a ‘lesson’?

Did it happen TO you or FOR you (even if you don’t understand why just yet)?

Is the world a cruel, cold, unfair, terrible place…or is it one big dream of endless possibility, a wondrous miracle waiting to shower you with all its blessings?

Are you just some overly sentient ape stumbling around a life you didn’t ask for…or are you a hero, here for a reason, consciously creating your reality?

Is this just another blog you’re reading…or is it a wake up call from the Universe, a beckoning to fulfill your Destiny - the beginning of the rest of your life?

It’s entirely up to you.

Give yourself permission to be subjective.

One person’s ‘delusion’ is another person’s Faith.

“But the world IS unfair! It’s risky! I could die! Things could go wrong! It’s dangerous!”

I’m not telling you to live oblivious to the harsh truths of the world.

Professionals are acutely aware of what could go wrong and prepare accordingly.

But they don’t dwell or obsess over these things anymore than what’s required.

Once that’s done, they focus 100% on what they CAN control - themselves.

Be a Professional in the Game of Life.

1D: Just pick something and start

Will things change? Of course they will.

Your vision for the future, your understanding of how to make it happen, the meaning you give it all - these things WILL evolve and further reveal themselves with time and action.

That’s the cool part - it’s your living, breathing story that you’re constantly writing and revising.

What's important is that you put SOMETHING down on paper and JUST START.

You’ll figure out the rest as you go.

And remember: One day you’ll beat this particular game and have to ‘add more content’ to it.

Return to this exercise for the rest of your life.

Don’t fall asleep and regress to living like an NPC.

2. Create Your IRL Character

Imagine the version of you who naturally and effortlessly conquers the game you designed in Step 1.

What are their skills?

What are their character traits?

What are their beliefs?

How do they talk? How do they walk? How do they dress?

How do they carry themselves?

How do they show up in the world?

What is their aesthetic?

What do they consume (food, media, art, etc.)?

Who do they surround themselves with?

How do people react when this version of you walks into the room?

What is their personal legend/mythology?

How do they play the game?

Your IRL Character is an Identity - it’s who you Will Become to ‘win’ in the game of life.

Believe that you can Be whoever you choose to Be.

Make it a deliberate, conscious creation rather than an accident.

Then, in every moment of every day, ask yourself:

“What would this version of me do?”

Give this person a name if it helps. I use Ulfgar, my old character name from when I used to play WoW.

Practice Becoming them - BEing them - and your ideal reality will naturally follow.

3. Play the Game

If you logged into a game for the first time and it was already over - if you beat the game simply by showing up…you’d be bored.

Similarly, if everything you think you want in life fell into your lap without you truly achieving it, you’d feel cheated.

Don’t despair that you’re not where you’d like to be just yet - you’ll always find something that you’re ‘missing’.

Focus on playing the game. Embrace it. Love it. Savor it. Release all your unquestioned expectations about how it ‘should’ or ‘must’ be played.

Appreciate and be present with every moment, the highs and the lows. They’re two equally beautiful sides of the human experience.

Be grateful that you even GET to play the game in the first place.

Playing the game is the whole point.

***

This may not be for you if you’re reading this…

I began this mission because I know that there are gamers who - just like me once upon a time - want more out of life.

They KNOW there’s more to life than this.

But they don’t know what to do. They feel stuck.

They’re settling for less.

They’re playing small.

They’re not living unapologetically and unstoppably.

They’re not pursuing their dreams.

They’re not living life on their terms (or even trying to).

They’re not truly GOING for it.

They may have even given up on themselves somewhere along the way.

If that’s you, I’m here to tell you:

Don’t give up on yourself.

You HAVE all the answers - you just don’t know it.

Gamers already have the recipe to living an extraordinary life - it’s right under their noses, in the last place they’d ever think to look.

All the BS that holds us back IRL disappears when we game.

The most successful ‘players’ in the Game of Life already understand the principles that we unwittingly live by when we game.

My job is connecting the dots for other gamers.

Helping them live lives that are so miraculous and incredible that they don't ever feel like ‘taking a break’ or ‘escaping’ from them in the first place.

I invite you to join me on this quest to master the Game of Life and become the Main Character of your own epic story.

Heed the call, or neglect it at your own peril.

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;

The valiant never taste of death but once.”