What Does it Mean to be Alone?

Visualizing time alone reveals how our experiences change moment-to-moment.

When people describe a lack of connection, of belonging in a community or organization, they often speak of being alone.

And yet, using the language of “being alone” can be unhelpful, as it can mean many things. The experience can range from glorious, peaceful solitude to deep, dark loneliness. We can experience a range of feelings across a single week, even across a few hours. How can we pay attention to and learn from this?

Designer and artist Stefanie Posavec illustrated this beautifully in the book Dear Data, by Stefanie and her collaborator Giorgia Lupi.

The Dear Data Project

Dear Data was a personal project. Each week Stefanie and Georgia selected a particular aspect of day-to-day living — clothes they wore, animals they came across, complaints, touching, … — to pay attention to. Independently, they decided what data to gather and log. At the end of the week, they independently would draw an illustration of their data … by hand, on a blank postcard. On the other side, along with stamp and address, was an explanation. They then mailed the postcards to each other. They strove to make each illustration different, exercising and pushing their creative skills. They did this for a year!

A magnificent project! The physical postcards are now in the permanent collection of the Museum of Modern Art, in New York. You can, and should, get your own copy in book form.

Visualizing Time Alone

One week they decided to track time spent alone. Below is Stefanie’s postcard (page 161 in the book). The seven horizontal lines are the seven days of the week (starting with Monday at the top), each representing the 24 hours of the day from midnight to midnight. Each rectangle represents a separate occasion of being alone; the rectangles are skinnier or fatter depending on how long that occasion lasted.

She explains, “I counted moments when I was alone, alone being that I was in a place filled with strangers or in a place where I was physically alone. I’ve also differentiated between being alone and feeling alone.”

The color of the outline of each rectangle depicts different types of being alone. Dark green is “in house with husband asleep”, light green is “physically alone in a space”, light orange is “alone in a space filled with strangers”, and dark orange is “alone in a city of strangers (outside)”. The black rectangles are “the only times I felt emotionally alone”. If you look closely, you’ll note that the black rectangles have a second outline with one of the other colors.

The color of the fill of each rectangle notes what she was doing at the time: exercising, working, etc.

In an otherwise positive week, there was a brief period when Stefanie felt emotionally alone. When she felt lonely.

Solitude … Loneliness … So Much Is In The Context

One lesson in particular jumped out at me from this illustration: that all of us can experience moments of positive solitude and moments of negative loneliness. The emotional experience of aloneness can vary moment to moment. Asking if a person is or is not lonely, as a fundamental characteristic of their being, may not be that useful. It’s how the person feels in the moment. It may be much more useful to consider, What conditions generate the feelings of loneliness?

Those who feel lonely much of the time can still experience times of connection. Even a fleeting smile with someone you see regularly on your subway commute can be a valuable moment of connection. How can they pay attention to, and have more of, such experiences?

And those who are otherwise blessed with strong bonds of family and friends, and coworkers they adore, can sometimes feel alone and adrift. What can they learn from such moments?

You Can Do This

Another thing I love about this illustration is that it is so accessible. Anyone can do this! It’s a beautifully simple concept for getting clarity on something so important to our lives. Please try it for yourself.

Photo by Rajiv Mehta; illustrations by Stefanie Posavec, from the book “Dear Data” by Giorgia Lupi and Stefanie Posavec