What Does Fair Recognition Mean to You?

One of my values in life—both personal and professional—is fairness. However, as a coach, I understand that fairness, like anything else, is defined based on our experiences and perceptions. When coaching around fairness, whether my client is talking about it at home or work, I think of how I learned to understand what fairness is.

Siblings

I have a brother whom I love to death. There is only one year difference between us, and thus, we have been very close since our childhood. We played the same games, went to the same schools, and each of us has been pretty involved in the life of another. Hence, it was no wonder to our mom that when my brother decided he would love to learn to play the piano, as he was impressed by how our mother was playing it, I decided to follow him. ?

When I heard my brother was going to try his hand in applying for a music school, I decided that I would want to do it, too! So, we both passed our entrance exams and started learning what it was like to play the piano.

Playing the Piano Is Not Fun

Quite soon, my brother lost interest in the school because no one told him that the journey would take 7 years out of his life and that apart from just sitting at the instrument and hitting the piano keys gracefully, he would need to learn different subjects and attend a bunch of other music classes almost every day. More, coming back from the music classes, he would need to sit at home for hours practicing gamma scales, accords, and learn solfeggio, attend choir, and duet practices, etc.

He wanted to quit school many times. While my brother was pretty good at playing the piano, he did everything he could so the school would expel him. Our mother was the one who actually made him think hard before he would give up on his own desire. Eventually, after some negotiations, my brother settled down for finishing school. As a part of that negotiation, as his sister, I had to attend the classes he did not want to attend. At that time, I did not mind because I really liked all those lessons and was happy to help my brother.

Lesson to Learn

One thing happened later, which made me think I should not have agreed to live the life of my brother and attended the classes he had to attend. To graduate from the music school, each student should have prepared and performed four pieces. Obviously, for the entire graduating year, both I and my brother were working to prepare for that exam.

I worked super hard because I had a purpose. I was going to apply for a music college after I had received my music school diploma. My brother… well, he just had a goal to graduate and only because it was someone else’s desire and not his. I performed brilliantly at my exam, while my brother did just ok. However, for some strange reason, the examination board decided to do good for both of us?

They explained they graded our final performance because we were close relatives. So as not to hurt my brother’s feelings, they gave us both grades of B, while mentioning that I performed at A, and my brother did at C. All I felt was confusion and frustration. I was not angry at my brother at all. I just could not wrap my head around the ‘why’ behind the examination board members’ decision.

Leadership Responsibility

I use this story to help leaders I work with learn about the concept of fairness. And, specifically, the fairness of recognition. A leader must be fair and take the time to provide the rationale for any type of recognition they make. I did not apply for the music college in the end because I thought I was not good enough—the exam board did not give me that A, which would have helped me believe I could be successful in music.

Any decision a leader makes about how to recognize employees or colleagues has to be communicated clearly. It helps to set the proper expectations for both sides. Recognition is linked to employee motivation, and motivation drives performance. When recognition and reward systems are justified and properly communicated, the organizational performance improves, goals are achieved, and dreams become a reality.?