What does this even mean?? Can you really fake it till you make it??? ??

The ‘Fake it till you make it’ slogan is shared across social media and is used as a stock mantra for those hoping to increase their confidence, performance and success.

As a Psychologist I work with so many clients who feel held back by their own insecurities which often means that ‘stepping up’ or ‘stepping out’ is really challenging for them.

Giving presentations, speeches, posting on social media, having difficult conversations or even speaking their own truth, can become so anxiety provoking that it deters them from embracing change.

For any of us, the inner critic soon steps up when we are about to ‘expose’ ourselves to new experiences and it reminds us that we may not be as good as we think we are, that indeed, we will say the wrong thing, others will judge us and that others won’t like us (you know which voice I mean!)

If we try and use a skill or behavior that is unfamiliar to us (meaning we don’t usually do it) our subconscious resists it. It’s a very natural response since the brain perceives danger (because it is unfamiliar) and then sets about sending us a range of thoughts and feelings that tell us why we shouldn’t do that activity (to keep us safe)

And oh, my goodness, if you ignore that voice, your physiology will step up as the next line of defense and ensure that you are sabotaged at the next hurdle…shortness of breath, bright red cheeks, increased heart rate, sweaty palms…anything to stop you being open to judgment, criticism and failure.

So how do you ‘fake it’ when you’re terrified?

The nice thing about our physiology, is that it is a simple response to our thoughts and fortunately for us, since our thoughts are changeable, so is our level of control over our thoughts, feelings and physiology. To empower this change we need to follow some tried and tested quick fire techniques that I would love to share with you...

1.     Make the unfamiliar- familiar!

If there is a feeling of fear about doing something, it is usually because of unfamiliarity. yet, simply thinking about something is very different from saying it out loud and actually translating it into an action. Talk to yourself out loud about what you want to do and why you want to do it.

This is what I call a ‘brain hack’ as it allows your neural networks to become familiar with the thought processes involved with the task you want to perform. We are all good at talking to ourselves...so go for it

2.     Practice 

Since practice makes permanent, we have to get used to practicing the things that scare us. This is critical to progressing the familiarity. Role play with someone you trust, practice a presentation out loud in front of the mirror, describe your elevator pitch over and over until it is permanently available to call upon, regardless of how your brain or body may want to respond!

3.     Act ‘as if’ 

Who do you know who performs the task really well? What do they do, how do they do it, when they do it how do they look? How do the people around them feel when they are delivering so well?

Write a list, then stand up and practice being them…that’s right, forget being you for now…you act as if you are them! It can be liberating. Use their mannerisms, their style and their confidence.

This is an ideal hack to trick your brain into believing you are fully confident and this will contribute to the feeling of ‘making it’ when the time comes.

4.     Power Pose

Wonder Woman, Superman or indeed any superhero that comes to mind, seems to have a power pose. Usually it is a pose of standing with their hands on their hips and there is something very powerful about that stance. Not only does it tell the enemy- I am confident and sure, but it also stimulates the important interaction between your own physiology and your brain. If you stand with an open posture, shoulders back, chest up, or if you're sitting, doing so with your shoulders relaxed and back, arms open on the arms of chair, head held high, you get the same inner response as the superhero…increased adrenaline and a soothing feeling of calm. Just when you need it most. 

5.     Breathe! 

Breathing is such an undervalued resource in times of fear and anxiety! Breathing slows your heart rate and lets your brain know that you are not scared. In evolutionary terms, increased heart rate and shallow breathing probably indicated danger, so the human brain would kick in with the flight or fight response to keep us alive. Once that flight or flight affect overwhelms us, its very hard to compose ourselves again. Therefore, we have to stave it off at all costs.

In summary and to leave you with some insight:

Either you can take charge of your mind… or let it continue to be in charge of you.

Either you train your mind... or it trains you.

So rather that quoting the famous ‘fake it till you make it’ mantra how about we coin a new phrase-

‘’Practice till you act it’’

It may not sound as catchy but its much, much more effective to help you get over the barriers that are stopping you and holding you back from being a braver you!