What does not Destroy me, makes me Stronger
Dr Dan Pronk
Ex-Special Ops Doctor ? 100+ military missions ? Bestselling Author ? Speaker ? Posca Hydrate Strategic Advisor
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche famously said,?
“Out of life’s school of war: What does not destroy me, makes me stronger”?
Some will be more familiar with the paraphrased version of the quote, “what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger”, that holds the same meaning. What Nietzsche was recognising is the ability to grow following adversity.?
This Newsletter is an adaptation of a chapter from my new book "Sh*t I wished I knew before I discharged" which is available now through online book retailers such as Amazon Australia and international sites.?
We’re all familiar with the concept of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It’s very real, and in my opinion gets the rightful attention it deserves.?
What I fear gets lost in the narrative on PTSD is that most people who experience significant life trauma and suffer from symptoms of post-traumatic stress recover back to their baseline level of function. The data varies widely based on the population studied, but certainly a vast majority (and up to 80% in some studies) make this recovery.?
What is even less talked about are those who not only recover to their baseline level of function but transcend it and become a better version of themselves because of their trauma.?
The psychologists refer to this as Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). I consider myself to be one of these people.?
Figure 1. illustrates the various outcomes after a significant traumatic event.?
PTSD represents those who don’t return to their baseline level of function, which can manifest in either succumbing to the symptoms or survival with impairment. ?
Return to baseline level of function following trauma can be considered as either recovery or resilience (the bouncing back definition of resilience).?
Post-Traumatic Growth can be seen as moving past the point of recovery / resilience and thriving because of the traumatic exposure.
Experiencing PTG does not mean that the individual can’t still have psychological distress related to their traumatic experiences. It’s not an either-or situation and the two can coexist.
PTG simply means that the individual has been able to find enough positives out of their experiences to outweigh the negatives and to facilitate personal growth.?
The domains of Post Traumatic Growth
There are five domains of Post Traumatic Growth (1) as follows:
· ?New Possibilities
o ?Developing new interests
o ?Establishing a new path in life
o ?Finding new meaning and purpose in life
· ?Relating to Others
o ?Greater sense of closeness with others
o ?Increased reliance on others in times of trouble
o ?Willingness to express emotions to others
o ?Increased compassion for others
o ?Increased effort in relationships
· ?Personal Strength
o ?Greater feeling of self-reliance
o ?Increased ability to handle difficulties
o ?Improved acceptance of life outcomes
o ?New discovery of mental strength
· ?Spiritual Change
o ?Better understanding of spiritual matters
o ?Stronger religious (or spiritual) faith
· ?Appreciation of Life
o ?Changed priorities regarding what is important in life
o ?Greater appreciation of the value of one’s own life
o ?Increased appreciation of each day
For years following my discharge from the army I carried a significant burden related to several key traumatic experiences in Afghanistan where I responded to teammates of mine and couldn’t save them. I was very much in the realm of post traumatic stress, with regular intrusive thoughts of the events, bad dreams, and triggers including loud noises having the visceral reaction of making my heart race and my palms sweat.?
For a period there the smell of raw pork would make me gag and even vomit.
When I thought of my dead teammates, my overwhelming emotions were shame and guilt, and I made efforts to avoid anything that might trigger thoughts of my experiences (the maladaptive coping strategy of avoidance). Whenever possible, I stayed as busy as I could to distract myself from my thoughts (another maladaptive coping strategy – distraction).?
Then one day, a few years after my discharge, it all changed. It was pretty much as simple and dramatic as that, and I remember the experience vividly.?
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I was in my home gym when I began to consider how the guys we lost would have wanted me to feel about their deaths.?
I considered the situation from my perspective, if I had been the bloke who was killed, and realised unquestionably that I wouldn’t want those who tried their best to save me to be dwelling on it years after the fact.
I would want them to be remembering me fondly, forgiving themselves for any perceived failure in trying to save me, and then living their very best lives in recognition that mine had been cut short.?
I would want them to be the very best husbands they could be for those who were married, and the very best fathers they could be for those who had kids.?
I realised in that moment that while I was physically present with my wife and kids, I was psychologically absent a lot of the time.
I realised in that moment that I owed it to my dead teammates to do better.?
That epiphany led to my improved investment in my relationships with my wife and kids, and over time I began to experience a greater appreciation for life and everything that I had, as well as an increased sense of spirituality. I have never been a religious man, but more than ever I felt the sense of something bigger than myself in the universe.?
Over more time, my sense of gratitude for everything I have in my first-world life intensified and the ability to distil some of my experiences into books and presentations delivered to those who I hoped might benefit from my lessons learned, further fuelled my post-traumatic growth.?
The negative emotions attached to my experiences are still there if I go digging for them and that will never change. What I have achieved over the years, however, is the linking of more positive associations with the experiences, that I use to drive me to be the best version of myself that I possibly can be.?
It’s a work in progress and forever will be, but I can see now that… what didn’t destroy me has made me stronger.?
To borrow the sage words of 20th century psychiatrist Carl Jung:
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”.
Call To action: Can you grow from your trauma?
A commonly used survey tool to assess for growth following trauma is the Post Traumatic Growth Inventory (1). You can look it up online and complete it if you want your actual score, but as an idea of what factors are being assessed, it’s based on ratings of 21 possible areas of growth and change following trauma. Have a look at the list below and consider whether you’ve experienced any of them because of your traumatic experiences. If so, focusing in on these positive outcomes is a great way to start reframing your trauma and seeing the silver lining to the cloud.?
1. ?I changed my priorities about what is important in life
2. ?I have a greater appreciation for the value of my own life
3. ?I developed new interests
4. ?I have a greater feeling of self-reliance
5. ?I have a better understanding of spiritual matters
6. ?I more clearly see that I can count on people in times of trouble
7. ?I established a new path for my life
8. ?I have a greater sense of closeness with others
9. ?I am more willing to express my emotions
10. ?I know better that I can handle difficulties
11. ?I am able to do better things with my life
12. ?I am better able to accept the way things work out
13. ?I can better appreciate each day
14. ?New opportunities are available which wouldn’t have been otherwise
15. ?I have more compassion for others
16. ?I put more effort into my relationships
17. ?I am more likely to try to change things which need changing
18. ?I have a stronger religious faith
19. ?I discovered that I’m stronger that I thought I was
20. I learned a great deal about how wonderful people are
21. I better accept needing others
Also out now is my Thriving in Transition online course, click on the image above for more information on that.?
As always, comments and questions are welcome. If you feel this newsletter might resonate with others in your community, please share it widely.?
Until next Friday, stay safe, and don’t forget to have some fun!
Cheers,
Dr Dan Pronk
Reference:
(1) Tedeschi RG, Calhoun LG (1996). "The posttraumatic growth inventory: Measuring the positive legacy of trauma". Journal of Traumatic Stress. 9 (3): 455–471.
Health Safety Security Environment Advisor seeking short term contract or execution phase roles in Oil & Gas.
8 个月Good post Doc. The salient point for me is that real 'pinch point' of returning to a baseline level of functionality. For some it is a small timeline for others it can be the hardest of roads to gain some semblance of operability.
Motivated to contribute
8 个月I think I’m going to make your list my morning mantra. Thank you
Speaker | Psychologist with a Dose of Lived Experience
8 个月Another solid read, mate. One of my favourite quotes from Nietzsche, "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how," seems remarkably relevant to the five domains of PTG you've covered.
Business Resilience Professional
8 个月I remember my light bulb moment Dan. I moved from the UK to Australia, transferring police forces. I’d spent 10 years as a police diver and 6 years ileading a disaster victim recovery team, and after settling in for a few months I made enquires about the DVI capability in my new force. It turned out only scenes of crime technicians could perform DVI recovery roles in my new force. Initially I was gutted. I’d spent years specialising, and it seemed that avenue was now closed. Then one day soon after I was struck by a palpable sense of relief. I didn’t have to do or see those things ever again. Within 18 months I’d left the job I’d loved for almost 20 years and started a new journey. That had its own challenges, but it allowed me to start what I more clearly understood after reading this piece Dan, was my own PTG journey. Just finished The Resilience Shield, love your work Dr Dan Pronk