What does being present really mean?

I love this phrase that my friend Eloisa said and it caused me to reflect. We often talk about being present, but what does that mean? For us as coaches and for our clients.

For clients and for us personally, what I've noticed is that sometimes it's used to help us avoid feelings. So we may take a breath, be more in our body, start to feel the emotion that's coming, then get frightened or anxious about the feeling that is coming up and then 'be present' MANAGING the emotion instead of just FULLY FEELING it.

I know that system well, but I've realised it's quite unloving to myself. It's like asking a small child to stop crying when they've just broken their arm. They are in pain, they need to cry. So if I become present, feel sad about something and then 'manage' it I am shutting myself down: denying the truth of that moment AND the beautiful opportunity to feel and release the emotion from my soul.

So yes, let's be feelingly present A much kinder, truthful place to be and if you extend it further a place of gratitude for the truth of our feeling, "yeh, actually I feel really sad/afraid/angry about that..."And love ourselves enough to be truly present with the gift of that moment: a chance to release a painful emotion, rather than store it in our soul (which creates more emotional, physical and spiritual pain). Or to feel the pure joy, excitement, love of that moment.

As a coach or mentor we may feel it is not appropriate to show emotion in front of clients and being present with them. Active listening, of course, is an essential part of what we do and for me, it includes being present with my heart too to work intuitively and listen behind the words and where my previous experiences and/or emotional intelligence get to perceive the less obvious. However, as coaches and mentors, we also need to be present with our own emotions - it is part of professional self awareness, ensuring we are not bringing our own agenda or personal issues into play when we respond.

I'm not talking about going into deep grief in the middle of a session, but we don't want to be wooden boxes either. I have met therapists like that and it drives me crazy: I couldn't connect with them. I could often still feel their response on some level, but their face didn't move. Too much self control isn't real and not human. So if I feel moved by something a client has shared, I don't hide that. If anything deeper comes up for me, yes I have to manage it at the time, but I do acknowledge it within myself and go back to it later after the session. But I also, love celebrating success with clients - showing my joy and excitement at their achievements: mirroring back to them that they do can give themselves a big pat on the back.

It's good to be human!Our emotions are what makes us so and if we felt more we wouldn't do so many things that hurt ourselves and each other, so yes I am totally with Eloisa on this: Be more feelingly present!