What to Do If You’re Being Bullied at Work.

Bullying takes many different forms: physical, emotional, verbal, cyber. It’s not always just kids pulling each other’s pigtails and pushing each other down in the playground; bullies exist within every age demographic and every situation in life. In fact, you’d be surprised by how often it happens between adults in a professional environment. Now, I’m no expert on workplace bullying - not really. I’m lucky enough to have never really experienced it in extreme forms, but it’s a common problem in workplaces all over the world - one which I’ve been wanting to talk about for some time. Then, last week, I received an admission submission for I Shouldn’t Say This, But… from a listener, aged 33, who had experienced bullying in almost every single profession they'd been in, and I thought it was finally time to talk about it.

What counts as bullying in the workplace?

So if bullying isn’t always as literal as being pushed around, how can you tell if it’s happening to you? It can be difficult to identify at first because, when bullying occurs at work, it doesn't always mean a consistent case from one single individual - though those cases do exist. Any moment in which you feel belittled, excluded, undermined, mocked or talked down to can also count as professional bullying. Commonly, workplace bullies will take credit for your work, highlight your mistakes, gossip about you to your coworkers or talk over you in meetings. In extreme cases, they will even make threats towards your job security.

It’s likely that at least one of those signs will sound familiar to you but, often, people don’t want to make a big deal out of things like this at work because they don’t want to feel like they’re making an unjustified fuss. But if you’re feeling low or anxious at work and you can trace the root of your anxiety back to another person - be it a colleague or a manager - you could be being bullied. Firstly, I’ll say that if your experiences are being put down to a ‘leadership style’ or a ‘clash of personalities’, know that that’s bollocks - and it’s not okay. The second thing I’ll say is: know that you’re not alone. Surveys by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, TUC, UMIST and Staffordshire University Business School have found that between 3 and 14 million employees in the UK experience some form of bullying in the workplace.

So what can you do about it?

Obviously, the only way to end the bullying and take action externally is to talk to someone, ensure that you’re documenting the instances where you feel bullied and bring it to your manager. If your manager is the bully, try and go over their head to a more senior member, or a HR professional. But if you don’t feel ready to vocalise it within your office walls, start by talking to a trusted friend or family member - just as long as you have a confidant somewhere and you’re not left to battle your feelings alone.

Of course, we can reprimand bullies and ensure our workplace rights aren’t being violated, but bullies can violate our personal feelings more than anything. Bullying can leave scars which last a lifetime, and though it can be difficult not to take scathing comments to heart, the best thing you can do for yourself is to try and find a way to take the power back - to defend yourself internally. My therapist, Karen, actually had a very interesting method to deal with bullies and prevent yourself from getting emotionally involved in the situation.

The answer to withstanding bullying lies in your favourite cartoon character

Picture your bully as a cartoon character. Yep, you heard that right. It sounds strange, but there is method to the madness so let me explain: you’re giving that person a different persona. Just like incessant bullying can deplete your own sense of self, this method allows you to take away a little bit of the bully’s identity too, without resorting to confrontation or stooping to the bully’s level.

Imagine them as whoever you like - a cartoon character from your childhood or a made up alter ego - whatever works. Then, whenever they start behaving in a way that seeks to make you feel small, you can distance yourself from the situation; you can distract yourself. You can take away their power and get a little bit back for yourself. Personally, I like to imagine an overgrown wailing baby (picture Dreamworks’ The Boss Baby) - it makes it harder to take them seriously, right? Once you’re able not to take it seriously, you’ll hopefully be able to stop taking their comments personally. You won’t get emotional and you won’t let their insecurities become your own. Hell, it can even make you crack a smile.

Most of all, try not to blame yourself, don’t obsess about it and don't assume things will get better. You know how much you can put up with, so it’s important to set limits for yourself and know that when those limits are reached, you have to put your wellbeing first - by taking whatever action feels necessary. For now, hang in there. I hope it gets better.=

To hear more of my thoughts from the week, listen to my most personal episode yet of I Shouldn’t Say This, But... in which I open up about something I haven’t even spoken about with my therapist.