What to do if you're bad at something (and want to be better)

Earlier this week, I spoke to some students from MassArt in Boston.

I talked to them about the four questions every successful pitch answers.

I showed the 3 mistakes most presenters make in the first 3 seconds, and what to do instead.

I shared tips on handling objections. And sharing the spotlight. And body language.

But what was probably the most important piece of advice came at the very end.

I told them not to do all of it.

Why it's so hard to get good at something

The problem with personal change is that it takes time.

And all that time it takes? You're hyperfocused on how you're not How You Want To Be yet.

That gap between How You Are vs How You Want To Be (or feel you should be) can generate acute emotional pain.

It's easy to be bad at something. And it's comfortable to be ok at it. Because neither of those things require you to try.

And it's the trying that gets you. Every time.

And it sucks. It sucks so much that we often give up on getting better. Because that's the easiest way to make the pain stop.

What makes that pain tolerable is the belief that we will get to How We Want To Be.

"Ok, practicing chords on guitar hurts, but it'll be awesome once I become a rockstar with a tour bus and groupies!"

"I really want cake but I will sacrifice it for a six pack."

"I'm about to drop dead from all-nighters but this is my shot for an award."

Finding a way to hang onto that motivation is the difference between becoming How You Want To Be and saying "Oh I tried X once, it didn't work out."

Which is why I didn't want those students to do everything I said.

Staying motivated while getting (literally) crushed.

I started Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in January. I am very bad at it.

For those that don't know, it's like wrestling. But instead of wearing a 1950's bathing costume, you're wearing a bathrobe.

I've been doing this for nearly 3 months. I have experience in three other (very very different) martial arts. And yet I haven't submitted a single person yet.

In the meantime, I've been getting my ass handed to me by a never ending parade of men (and occasionally women) between 3-5x a week.

It is emotionally- and physically- painful.

So how do I handle the difference between How I Am and How I Want To Be long enough to stick with this?

I focus on fractional progress.

Rather than focus on how bad I am compared to how I want to be, I'm comparing Present Ben to Past Ben.

For example, last night I almost managed to submit two people. One of whom said I would have had him if time hadn't run out.

That's double the number of people I almost submitted the week before.

And before that, I couldn't pretend to "almost submit" anyone. My goal was just to understand how I was getting turned into a human pretzel, even though I had no idea how to prevent it.

My point is this- if you want to change how you behave, you need to find super small, achievable goals.

Small wins that let you feel like you're moving forward even if you're still miles away from where you want to be.

Faster, Cheaper, Better: Pick One

That's why I didn't want those students to try and change everything overnight. They'd get overwhelmed by everything that didn't work, and more than likely abandon all of it.

Instead, I encouraged them to pick one thing that felt exciting, and start there.

Become aware of the number of times you say Um.

Try using the four questions as a construct.

Get in the habit of asking more questions.

Really small things that can make a huge difference in how you present. And be ready to fail at them!

But remember, Past You didn't even know you were doing them wrong. So you're already a step closer to How You Want To Be.

Here's the sign off (with links)

I'm Ben Levy, a Presentation Coach helping creatives and agencies have better meetings and sell their best ideas.

I usually write a weekly email with way less BJJ and way more presentation tips. Due to technical difficulties, I can't do that this week. So I've just decided to share it on LinkedIn.

If you liked it, you can try signing up for the newsletter here . I just can't promise it'll work.

And if you've ever thought, "Ben makes sense and all, but it's not like he's won every award or worked at Wieden,"?you're gonna want to check this out .