What To Do If You're Asked About Kids In An Interview

A good friend of mine had a job interview the other day. When I asked her how it went she replied, “well - although they asked me if I was planning to have kids and I wasn’t sure what to say.”

Despite this question being illegal to ask in the UK, it’s one that many of my friends have come up against during interviews. What makes this worse is that they’ve come to believe it’s normal, given their age, marital status and gender, and many of them actually go into the recruitment process with a well-prepared answer up their sleeves.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) surveyed 1,106 senior decision makers on behalf of YouGov (who commissioned the research) in 2018 and found that a third (36%) of private sector employers think it’s ok to ask prospective female employees about their plans for children in the future. Almost half of these employers (46%) also believe it is reasonable to ask women if they have young children during interviews too.

Given these statistics, as shocking and unfair as it may seem (I’d happily make a bet that nowhere near as many men get asked this question), the likelihood of being asked a question along these lines if you’re under the age of 40 is pretty high.

Dodge the question

Being prepared for this question to come up, then, is prudent if you’re going for an interview. And it’s up to you to choose how to react. Answering diplomatically is always a good place to start.

“Consider responding in a way which highlights that this information is not relevant to your ability to do the job. Something similar to ‘I prefer to keep my personal and professional lives separate as this does not affect my ability to work’ may be best.”

Also suggests asking, ““can I understand why that question is relevant to this interview process?” or “before I answer I would like to understand how that question is relevant to my ability to perform in this role?” as a way to allow the interviewer to explain their reasons for asking or to give them a chance to tactfully move on.

This way, you can subtly flag up the inappropriate nature of the question without actually having to have an awkward conversation. After all - many of us may like to think we’d get up and walk out in the middle of an interview but, in reality, most of us probably wouldn’t as we want to appear professional. If they push for an answer, you can always then point out the illegality of such a question.

Make sure you fully understand what they’re asking you

It’s important to discern a discriminating question from a logistical one. Prospective employers are allowed to ask about family life if they already know you have children. “Some questions relating to family life such as ‘how would you balance childcare with your work?’ are legal for interviewers to ask and you should answer them as honestly as possible,”.

If they ask you if you have children or plan to, though, that’s when you know they’re overstepping the line.

Use it to your advantage

If they know you have children and ask you about the logistics, this is an opportunity to ask for what you need. “These can be good opportunities to discuss elements of the job including flexi-time, working from home and childcare vouchers.”

Although it’s something women shouldn’t have to deal with , in reality it’s often difficult to avoid. Dodging the minefield - and using the question to your own advantage - allows you to get something out of it. viewing it as an opportunity to really understand the company's mindset:

“Being savvy in how you handle these questions can allow you to uncover more about the company culture, working environment and expectations of the hiring manager at the company you intend to work for – it’s important to remember an interview is a two-way street.”

Considering that Merali Beedle - a progressive law firm - have just released research that shows 51% (that’s 16.5 million) of UK workers believe there is an expectation for people in high-powered sectors to choose between family and career, it seems they need to reconsider their attitudes about children and family life in general too, if they’re to retain hard working employees.

Bianca Barratt