What To Do With Your Inner Critic

Most of the time, you are unaware of the voice in your head, the one endlessly chattering away. But occasionally, if you attend to the voice audible to you alone, you'll notice its pessimism--even if you are an optimist. This voice speaks to you in a such a way isn't a good constant companion, always speaking to you about what is wrong with you, why you are inadequate all the things that might go wrong, and how you will be harmed.

The reason for the conflict between you and the voice in your head is because the voice isn't your voice. It's your Inner Critic. Your Inner Critic is a composite of the voices of your parents, your friends and family, your society and culture, your preacher and your teachers, and host of others voices, many who care about you and want the best for you. Their caring, however, was often focused on keeping you safe from harm by feeding you their fears, and in doing so, making those fears your own.

Your Inner Critic Fails is Not a Good Friend

Your Inner Critic might tell you are not qualified for what you want to do, arguing you lack the credentials or the experience to consider attempting something new. Because you might fail, your inner voice reminds you of the risk without a word about how you will succeed.

It might also tell you will embarrass yourself by suggesting how something might be made better in a meeting where you are surrounded by your peers. Your Inner Critic will remind you some people will not like your idea, and they will think less of you should you share the idea. Though no one can hear your inner dialogue, the voice provides a reason not to speak up while saying nothing about the idea itself or the chances the idea makes things better.

None of the people who created your Inner Critic can't recognize the value of your good idea, and neither can your friends from middle school or high school, the ones that made you insecure because they were insecure themselves. All the people who have fed you their fears make a poor friend to carry around for the rest of your life, as their counsel is not helpful. But at any time of your choosing, you can unleash your Inner Coach.

Unleashing Your Inner Coach

Your Inner Critic might sound as neurotic as Jerry Seinfeld's character on the hit show with his name, but your Inner Coach might sound like Anthony Robbins or the voice of someone who helped you recognize your potential and helped you become something more than you believed possible.

When I was seventeen, I took voice lessons from Michelle Horsfield. She was in her early seventies, and I sought her help because she taught a friend to sing. After training with her for more than a year, I told her I wanted to sing as good as Tommy. She replied, "Tommy who?" I said "Gianakis." She said, "You were always a better singer than Tommy. Your range is three octaves, and Tommy has a little over an octave and half." She freed me from my doubt, and though I had a larger range, Tommy would always be a better front man.

Your Inner Coach is the voice supporting you and providing you with courage and the confidence to act. Instead of telling you you are ill-equipped, your coach reminds you that "you've got this!" Your coach isn't worried that you will fail or fall short. Instead, the positive voice recommends you make a few adjustments and try again, knowing you will eventually succeed.

Stop Withholding Your Gifts

The problem with allowing your critic to dominate the conversation going on between your ears, is it can cause you to withhold. Addressing only what might go wrong, your fear may prevent you from acting. The voice of the coach would insist you share your gift, addressing that the contribution you can make in the short 4,108 weeks you are gifted.

Nod to your Inner Critic and express your gratitude for reminding you there is a certain amount of risk, and then turn on the voice of your Inner Coach and remind yourself why you are here.

In difficult times, it's more important your voice provides confidence and certainty, supporting and encouraging others to act and to make the difference they want--or need--to make. The only people who never fail are those who never try to do anything. Failure is the process of learning how to succeed.

And most of all, don't let anyone feed you their fears.