What do you do when you don't get closure?

Reading the frank and brutal admission this morning by authorities in the wake of a further debris discovery four days ago, that we may never find out what happened to ill fated flight MH370 has caused me to ponder the psychological phenomenon that is "closure". A bereaved father who met the PM on the campaign trail and shared the fact that his son perished in that crash got a hug. The father said the government "could not have done more" but the cruel truth is that he doesn't know how and why it happened and has no "place" to go to mourn his loss. 

There is no question that few occurrences at work would ever compare to a tragedy of this depth but in my work I continually come up against this need for closure.

• The person told their job has been "deleted" is made redundant and remains incredulous a year later. 
• The popular employee sacked for misconduct and the confidentiality surrounding their termination such that other staff are left wondering if the organisation committed some form of abominable conspiracy in getting rid of a mate and a good performer. 
• The person with an undisclosed mental illness who takes a period of leave and managers field questions from often concerned staff but can provide no answers. 
• And worst of all, the person who leaves work on any day of the week, befalls a tragedy and never returns. How do staff make sense of this and return to business as usual? How do they mark the death with a fitting tribute in a way that leaves everyone satisfied? And how do they distribute the work of that person without feeling callous? Or being accused of it by others?

It is a truism that leadership requires courage and doesn't always make us popular. Being able to differentiate between what can and must be communicated and what cannot be, whether for those truly well meaning or for those who just want all the juicy details is one of those really tricky things. 

When unexplained absences or tragedy happen at work:

1) Determine what can be shared for people to make sense of someone's absence without breaching privacy.

2) If relevant, what permission have we secured from the family to share?

3) Be prepared to say: "I understand you'd like to know and my track record as a manager is to share willingly and comprehensively. I need you to trust the fact that in this instance, I can't and I won't and it's the right decision."

4) Be sure not to succumb to the temptation to selectively take people into your confidence because you respect them, like them or trust them to be confidential (unless they are HR or more senior and are helping you determine a course of action). Bits of information dribbling out will fuel speculation and create resentment that some were the chosen few to know. 

5) Absorb the discomfort of having people blame you for not permitting "closure". If you're normally open, transparent and generous with information, they will have to respect the fact that good reasons dictate you not doing so on this occasion. 

For further tips on how to handle grief that impacts staff at work, see my article at https://www.brashconsulting.com.au/resources/NSCA_Apr11_AskTheExpert.pdf