What do you want?

This is one of the most expansive questions coaches ask and often challenges our limiting beliefs.? We often convince ourselves to be grateful for what we already have at expense of what might be possible.

Check out Gay Hendricks amazing work on upper limit problems.

Contentment and gratitude are not at odds with abundance.? They can in fact fuel it.

After years of pushing my limiting beliefs, some playfulness has started to emerge when I get into the mindsets of "good enough" or "it is what it is."? More importantly, I started to explore these questions more often between coaching sessions.?

I have been blessed with one of the sweetest kids in the whole world.? If you think you have one better, I'll fight you for the bragging rights :-)? From the time she was born and through every phase of her 15 year life, those who know my daughter experience kindness, sensitivity and acceptance.? She is truly an inspiration.

When we enrolled her in a soccer team when she was 3 years old, the other kids would do this beehive thing where they swarmed around the ball and tried to take it from each other. In contrast, you would look over at some corner of the field and find my daughter spinning around, singing to herself and perhaps picking a flower. When asked, "Why aren't you trying to get the ball?" She replied simply, "I was waiting for my turn."

In a world of harsh realities, her sweetness worries me sometimes, and yet I wouldn't want her any other way.? About a year ago she said to me, "Daddy you are my best teacher and Mommy is my best friend."? It was a beautiful moment that I am deeply grateful for.

If you know me, you know how excited I am to share whatever newfound truth or semi useful fact I have discovered with as many people as I can so her words landed in a way that matters to me and yet I was craving more for us.

"What do you want?"

As I was going into my next session with my coach, I wanted more texture in our relationship.? I'm not trying to teach her all the time, although she may disagree with that, but it is certainly a prevalent theme in our interactions.

In the container of the coaching relationship, there is space to explore different perspectives, of our relationships and about ourselves.? We explored the range that I wanted us to experience, what that might look like, and how I would share it with her. ? We discussed what support would look like, and spent time imagining what this could bring.

I remember Kvon Tucker, Leadership Coach to CEOs and Change Makers asking, "What could this open up for you?"

Me: "It will show her how much I care about our relationship, demonstrate that I'm still a work in progress, and that I care about being the dad that she deserves."

No magic switch got flipped when I sat down with her, but it was a deep, resonant interaction.? I remember her being curious about me talking to my coach about my relationship with her.? She felt loved and valued in a new way.?

In the coming weeks, most of us will go into some level of contemplation about the year that is coming to a close and what we want in the year ahead.? With tremendous uncertainty in the economy and in the world, it is easy and even natural for many of us to settle for survival mode.??

What do you want?

Where are you craving more?

What relationship would benefit from more range?

I hope you'll carve out a space to explore with someone who has the skills to illuminate what is possible for you.

If you would like to explore through a complementary sample session with me, schedule a time here.