What do you want said when you aren't in the room?

      A couple months ago a colleague I respect immensely emailed me a note saying "I told someone earlier this week  how you are one of my favorite people." I have been told since graduate school how "small" a field I was planning to work in, but this comment made me think about what is said when  I am not part of the conversation.  I realized that my friends working at Ernst & Young or the writer for the Times were being told the same thing. We may all work in different fields, but people are always going to say our names when we aren't in the room. This leads me to the question I raise in this post...what do you want people to say when you AREN'T in the room?

     My first "leadership" position in undergrad was in the Alliance for Gender & Sexual Diversity as the activism chair. I was an excited first year, I took on new challenges, and was given an opportunity to take on a larger leadership role in the organization when a vacancy for secretary/treasurer came open. The advisor of the group was the Director of New Student Orientation and was a driving force in my applying and becoming a new student orientation leader. Now, here is where what was said when I WASN'T in the room mattered. I had never interviewed for a job like this before and business casual in my mind meant a tie, half zip black sweater, jeans, and flip flops. Yes, I said jeans and flip flops. It was because of what the Director knew about me and the type of person I was that I got an opportunity to move forward in the process because of what he said when I wasn't in the room. This experience lead me to working in higher education, was a cornerstone for my involvement at GSU, and truly impacted my development as a person and professional. I've also never worn anything less than a suit to an interview since then!

   I can think of other examples in my search for graduate school, job search, and in my volunteer roles where what was said in rooms without me significantly impacted my trajectory and opportunities. I can imagine this will be continue to be true in my career as I work to "move up" the ladder people always talk about.  People inherently/unfortunately have initial perception that our biased by previous experience, social constructs, or other preconceived ideas.  You may not be able to change initial perceptions, but by showing up, demonstrating your character, and doing your best works; good words are shared when you aren't in the room.

    I don't spend my days worrying about what people say, but I strive to have balance between how I describe my work ethic, skills etc. match what colleagues would say.  My approach comes from bringing my best self, ensuring that my work exceeds the minimum, and by giving of my time, talent, and treasure to causes I care about. What is yours?

Benjamin M. Williams is currently the Coordinator for Student Involvement at the University of Colorado, Boulder.  He is originally from Atlanta, GA where he graduated from Georgia State University with a B.A. in Sociology and completed a graduate degree in Student Affairs in Higher Education from Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. Outside of his position he enjoys volunteering for professional associations, fundraising for higher education causes, and spending time exploring concepts related to social justice, student development, and organizational structures. Personally he spends time working on personal health, work life integration, and exploring this wonderful world of ours