What do you want to change?

I’m a great believer in the Serenity Prayer, much used by groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

At a time like this when we might be feeling rather hemmed in by external events, we may feel we don’t have a lot of room for manoeuvre. However, that also may not stop us from feeling dissatisfied, discontented, and wanting to do something different with our lives. How much choice do we have? What can we change?

Our choices start with how we respond to life experiences, how we play the hand we’ve been dealt. Ah, but I hear you say, you should see my hand! If we think we have no choices, we should consider the example of Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning.’ He made the point that it was those who looked for meaning and made choices about how they dealt with their awful situation who were more likely to survive.

What if you could design the life you want? For most of us it's unrealistic to think of starting from scratch and completely reinventing ourselves. And yet, and yet.... We run executive retreats where some of our clients make some pretty big decisions about their lives. We support them to do that by helping them build on all they have achieved and finding the jumping off point. What's the question about your life you're avoiding, the possibility you hardly dare imagine??

When our clients come to us it is often because something in their lives isn't working anymore. It could be a career choice, a stressful lifestyle that’s killing them, or they know they need the next thing and don't know what it is and how to find it. They've been successful, but what's brought them success just isn't working anymore. Others have been through some kind of crisis, a redundancy, a bereavement, a relationship breakdown. It's about working out what we can change and can’t change, what we want to change and don’t want to change. What are some of the things we can change?

·??????Our attitudes, outlook on life, habits, patterns, lifestyle. We can become healthier, we can take more exercise, we can choose to invest in our development.

·??????We can take decisions which alter the course of our lives. Brene Brown has a wonderful quote, ‘When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.’ The stories of our lives are?our?stories. We may start off with a script that has been written for us by our parents – they get to choose our schools, which influences who our friends are, what career we might choose, what financial resources we’re able to draw on, but over time, many people start to question whether these choices really reflect the people they want to be and whether they are living the life they want to live.

·??????We can make some big decisions about a career choice that we’re no longer happy with, or a life partner who is hurting us. Not all the ways in which we might want to change are as big as this, and I need to stress that this is not about self-reinvention. There are far too many self-help gurus out there who give the impression that transformation (a greatly overused word in my opinion) is what people should be aiming for. If anything, this is one of the things likely to put people off trying to change.

What are the some of the things that hold us back from making changes in our lives?

·??????The comfort zone is lovely and comfy! It’s not called that for nothing. It can seem too easy for the next zone, the stretch zone to become the panic zone and then nothing will get done.

·??????Fear is the biggest factor. Fear of disruption, pain, discomfort, not only in our lives but in the lives of those around us. There are all kinds of things that anchor us to the present, the mortgage, the children’s school fees, the expectation that our career is still on the up, the hope that selling the business will give us all the money we’ve ever wanted and that the next thing that comes along will make it all right. There is also the fear of falling apart, the thought that if we pull on one string, the whole thing will fall apart. That’s not an unreasonable fear in my experience.

·??????The feeling that it is probably better all round if we just soldier on, keeping our head down and hanging on for ….retirement? Getting out and selling the business? But you could have another thirty years of life after that. What are you going to do with it?

What about your situation do you need to accept?

What can you change?

How can you find the courage?

#choices #purpose #inspiration #courage #fulfilment