What do you really value in life?

I recently came across a tool called "The Real Deal" from www.peaklearning.com (credit to Matthew Haney for bringing this tool to my attention). It consists of 88 cards each inscribed with a single value. Each value is taken from 4 broad spectrums of life:

• Achievement : Represents things people strive to achieve
• External : Represent things external to you that you value
• Internal: Represent things that you experience internally
• Relational: Represent facets of relationships or interactions

I've used these cards at work and at home to help better understand what is important to other people. The process I've used is to go through each of the 88 cards and select 6 values that most closely resonate with whomever I am using the tool with. Then I ask the person to pick 1 of the 6 to represent a "deal breaker" defined as "if this aspect isn't part of my life, I have to make a change or move on". Each card has a tiny "A", "E", "I", or "R" representing each of the 4 spectrums.

It takes at minimum 15 minutes and is probably harder than what you think it might be. The reason it is sometimes tough is because it forces you to evaluate what is most important in your life - no small easy task indeed.

For example, in the picture in the title of this article the person selected 4 "Relational" values, and 2 "Internal" values, with their tie breaker being "Compassion or Kindness" that is Relational. This person, at this time of their life, heavily values relationship interactions as well as internal peace of mind, happiness, and seeing the results of their hard work.

What is great about this tool is the type of conversations it starts. What is really important in your life? Why is this important? How did you select your deal breaker? What spectrum most closely resonated with you at this time of your life? Why do you think this is so? What is even more valuable is to do it again a year later and see if anything changed and talk about what changed.

Another cool thing about this tool is you can use it at work, at home, with your kids, with your significant other, or with just about anyone in life that you interact with. It helps distill things down to what really matters in life. We are all different in what drives us or what is important in our lives - hence the 88 different cards (plus 4 wild cards provided to write in your own value if not already in the 88).

There are a ton of ways to get to know other people you interact with. Most of the time getting to know someone elevates the mood, deepens the understanding, and expands the tolerance we have for people who might be different than ourselves. Getting to know others and what they value is a great investment in business and in life.

What tools or techniques do you use to get to know people better? Would love to hear them and I'm sure others would benefit as well.

Thank you for reading?The River, and if you have enjoyed it please subscribe to receive notification of future articles. Please help spread the word by sharing The River with your network with an encouraging word asking others to check it out. A special thank you to those of you who have posted comments to share your experience and advice. I'm grateful as these interactions inspire me, and I'm certain it has helped others in their journey.