What Do You Get When You Don’t Get what you want?

The last few days have presented me with lots of anxiety mostly because the bereavement UK website was offline and a mass of articles and information disappeared into the ether. As I’ve reflected on this and the consequences of losing a lot of the site I started to think about just how much we rely on technical ‘stuff ‘that actually could disappear in a flash leaving us all wondering how we are going to function without it, I honestly felt as though part of me were completely lost.

There was a time when we could leave work and not be contacted ,if out for a day with our loved ones, until we returned home , when I was younger a lot of people didn’t have a phone at home and external communications required the use of a public phone box. The stress then was created by having to que. Ques they were great we chatted to strangers !now chatting is becoming an art - if we aren't careful we will lose the skills of being able to communicate with others without technology.

 There’s quite a lot of differing thought about mobile phones at the moment, how isolated we are becoming and how dependant, that even in the company of family and friends we use them texting, working, chatting and game playing - Living our lives out to audiences on the www through social media sites ie Look at me having a wonderful time showing you I'm having a wonderful time ! and they say no man is an island. Well, I believe things could be going that way. That’s why being human and keeping our communication skills are so very important.

Years ago streets really were little communities, people knew the folk next door, everyone knew whose children were out playing, and there was a sense of belonging that sadly today seems to be disappearing. Being a community makes our lives safer. People are afraid to speak to strangers, saying hello as one enters a packed tube train , waiting room or other, creates a certain sense of awkwardness and rarely a response of ‘ hello ‘back. When did this happen? My 18 month old grandson walks into any social area beaming “Hello” He’ll soon learn by awkward reactions of most, that uninvited communication to his fellow human beings is not acceptable, no matter how natural it is. Must we be so conformist? I remember working in an office a short time ago where the expectation was that we email each other rather than talk !!! even if the person were sitting next to us ? Perhaps we are becoming so paranoid that even a simple lunch invite needs a paper trail .This surely can't be serious ? I am concerned .Could this isolation, this remote communication be responsible for so much depression a need for psychological support any support ? My website goes down, my pc gets a virus my phone drops into water and my world is temporarily thrown into turmoil. My life goes on hold.

So back to my story - How can I possibly use the space whilst waiting for the situation to right itself without the crutch of phone or pc? What did I do? I went out I took the dog for a walk, en-route I passed by the local church; Unbelievably the door was open wide (not locked !!!) an elderly lady was cleaning, as I approached she stood in the entrance … I got the feeling that she wasn’t going to let me in – (of course not , I had no appointment it wasn't Sunday and she didn’t know me) I said hello and managed (though awkwardly at first, as she decided that perhaps I wasn't going to try to get in and nick the church silver ) to engage her in a conversation about the community, within a couple of minutes she was telling me about her experience of living next door to a family for four years and still not knowing their names and that just recently a new family have moved in opposite with young children and she hoped that they might introduce themselves. When I asked why she didn’t feel she could approach them she was a little taken aback “ They might think I’m intrusive or nosey and anyway I don’t think they’d answer the door,they seem only to communicate with unexpected visitors via their intercom.” So much fear !

 I continued my walk, I decided to conduct my own impromptu experiment, how many strangers would respond if I were to say " good morning how are you?" Out of six only two and they seemed rather shocked, they just didn’t anticipate me, another human being trying to connect.When we fear our own kind, when we become so isolated that we find any communication from those we don’t know intrusive, when our lives revolve around the crutch of technology, we are in real danger.

We seem to live in such a quick fix materialistic society where instead of engaging with others we indulge in reality TV the fly on the wall docu-soap which we observe from the safety of our armchairs. Our curiosity need not be fed by real life encounter, but by the touch of a button on anyone of your 3 or 4 remote controls. I am concerned for our society, it is a human need to connect and when we do, when we feel needed and a part of something, we find in ourselves a great sense of validation. When a disaster strikes we hear the stories of communities pulling together in order to help each other, the energy created by those connecting for one purpose the sense of belonging is very apparent , in fact it’s often when adversity strikes that we are forced to get back to basics and communicate. A day without distraction of technology makes us talk , affords us time to indulge in simpler things and experience our world in a way that sadly these days we aren’t usually able to.The car breaking down means we have to walk, the money not going into our account means we have to be a little more financially creative, the lack of a phone means we might find the art of good conversation, face to face and not having a pc or TV might present us with the opportunity to live in the moment, in reality rather than the virtual world . I don’t want my world in turmoil, I want and expect it to run smoothly, aided by as much technology as I require and need when I need it, but ,without it I am forced to be more resourceful, to engage with others and to spend my time differently. Suddenly I had time on my hands, unexpected freedom. How often do any of us actually have time? Unaccounted for time, a space in our lives that truly isn’t owned or pre-ordained? Is time such a luxury then? I was chatting to an acquaintance who said ,”The children asked if we could do some fun stuff this weekend ,I hope we can find the time. “ It’s only when we stop and think about it that we realise that there is never going to be enough time and that what we all need to do is learn how to best spend what we do have , get balance into our lives and put ourselves and those we love high onto our list of priorities. Say hello to strangers, leave your phone at home, talk face to face with those around you, develop your human communication and be open to the challenge of experience Without what I expected presented me with a challenge. I was forced to work with what I have rather than what I expected or wanted. What do you get when you don’t get what you want?  That’s the question I asked at the beginning, the answer – Food for thought and experience.