What to Do When You’re Sick and Tired of Everything — Including Yourself

The rejuvenating power of feeling like a visitor

Rejuvenation. That’s what a friend recently told me she needed. She’d just written a book, but felt too exhausted to publicize it. “What can rejuvenate me?” she asked.

We listed the obvious options for middle-aged women in Brooklyn: yoga, wine, essential oils, and hanging out in someone’s backyard for an evening, away from our families.

None of it sounded sufficient.

When I brought up our conversation with my younger colleagues, they told me that the word rejuvenation made them think of plastic surgery, fillers, and dermabrasion.

Ok, so never mind the word, but what was the answer?

I remember finding out during spring break when my husband, two kids, and dog spent a long weekend in Rhode Island. The salty scent of the ocean, wandering through decrepit family graveyards from the 1700s, and not cleaning out the dishwasher every morning was a welcome gentle jolt:

I recalled that being a visitor is rejuvenating. Waking up in a place you don’t know gets you out of your head and focuses on different customs, smells, and vistas. The world is new. You feel like a kid again. Recently, I asked my tween daughter what she likes about traveling. “I get to see new parts and it makes me feel like I’ve got a second chance,” she said.

It reminded me of a quote from the writer Terry Pratchett:

"Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."

After that weekend away, I thought back to my exhausted friend.

Maybe this kind of fatigue is less about being sick of our routines and more about being tired of ourselves too.

Life can feel like an infinite load of laundry. Just the right amount, and the repetitive nature of matching socks gives me time to replay moments from earlier in the day —?process everything I saw. Too much, and I start skipping the folding and wearing things straight from the dryer. Everything becomes a chore.

To me, that's the signal. Get a change of scenery so you can get a new frame of reference for everything.

Including yourself.