What to do when you're drowning (mentally)- 6 Tips

I recently had a baby.

He's perfect.

The postpartum experience, though?

Not perfect.

Not by a long shot.

My labor was 37 hours long and unmedicated, which was important to me. I used all my stress management and self regulation skills and honestly...? I thrived and totally rocked the birthing experience.

(Those contractions were INTENSE)

And then, minutes after having my baby, the emergency crew rushed in...

Which is where things took a turn.

Within seconds, 20 people were in the room, doing all kinds of things to make sure I was okay. It was a sight to see.

My husband thought my death was imminent. Something about a lot of bleeding, a fever, and some things starting to go sideways...

I wasn't scared. (maybe I was too tired to be scared)

I became stable and we were good. YAY!

And then, after our hospital stay.... we came home.

That's when things REALLY took a turn.

Complication after complication. Things you'd never expect. Things I never expected...

Postpartum hit me the same way you hit the concrete median on the freeway in a rainstorm.

You're going down the highway, staying in your lane...

and then you're hydroplaning off into the side of the median...

your car sucked over by sheer force.

You're left wondering, "what just happened?"

That's how postpartum has been for me.

Drowning in a sea of emotions and medical complications.

But mental health is my passion, and what I've dedicated years of my life to studying, cultivating, mastering...

So I thought it would be appropriate to write about what's got me through.

What to do if you're drowning, so to speak.

(because a lot of us have these periods of time in life)

So let's dive in.

1. Get outside.

Nature is magically healing. Nature is peaceful. Nature restores us. Get outside and go for a walk. Turn off your phone. Go outside and breathe. Look around. Get the sunshine on your skin. This is healing to our souls.

I started getting outside and just sitting.

2. Speak up.

It wasn't easy to share about my medical complications online to friends and family (on my social media)- but I did. I knew that sharing about this moment in time- this time that encompassed my entire life and took all of my attention- was so needed because there was no way I could pretend like this wasn't taking all of my attention. Let's face it- the first few weeks of my postpartum life were FULL ON. High stress. Considerable pain and discomfort. And I couldn't expect myself to thrive, or even function, in many areas of life. All of my energy was going to just surviving this moment in time... so of course I had to talk about it.

As someone who works in mental health and wellness- I know that sharing what you're going through can be healing in it's own way. And speaking up can mean getting help or even just support and care from loved ones.

I was so surprised to hear from other women who had been through a similar situation as I had, and they provided me with hope and proof that they got through it.

And when I thought my mental health was going downhill quickly, I began talking to trusted friends and family about how I was feeling.

Which brings me to...

3. Name it.

Whether it's your feelings, your experience, intrusive thoughts, fears you have, disappointments, etc... Name them. Bring them to light.

When it comes to the postpartum period specifically, many women are left burying feelings inside- fearful of what might happen if they let others know what feelings, thoughts, or fears they have. I even learned of a woman who told her friend about the intrusive thoughts she was having, and her friend told her, "never let anyone know you have those thoughts". I find this to be incredibly damaging and isolating. Name what you're feeling- whether it's with a trusted friend or trained professional. There is no need to suffer in silence, and naming what you're going through, even if it's scary, takes the burden off your back from carrying it alone.

4. Celebrate the small wins + find gratitude.

You got out of bed today? You enjoyed a cup of coffee? You got bad news but you also got some good news? Acknowledge and celebrate the good stuff- no matter how small it is. In my journey, it was like I took one step forward and 2 steps backward. Instead of focusing on the backward steps (easy to do, let me tell you)- I switched my focus to the good stuff (much harder to do, but give yourself grace and keep practicing).

Finding it hard to be grateful? Then maybe you need "reverse gratitude".

I call this reverse gratitude because instead of finding things in your own life to be grateful for off the top of your head, you think about all the ways things could be WORSE.

For me, having a traumatic birth/postpartum experience has been jarring, but you know what? I have a healthy and happy baby and not everyone gets that. I can acknowledge that!

Yes, a rock hit our windshield and cracked it halfway across, but you know what? Everyone is safe and that isn't always guaranteed, so I can be thankful for an inconvenience.

Sometimes, looking at what could be worse can help us find some glimmers of gratitude.

5. Do something to get "back to yourself".

What makes you feel like you? Is there a special place you would go on a good day? Does a fresh shower with a favorite product make you feel better? Do you have a favorite book you could read over again? Is there a playlist you listen to that marks a certain time in your life? Whether it's something big or something as small as putting on makeup for the day- do something to make you feel more like YOU.

6. Know your relationship to your work.

Some people find working helps them take their mind off things during hard times, yet others find it too difficult to concentrate on work and want to take a step back. Tune in and determine how your own relationship to work is, and then make your decisions accordingly... do you need to take a step back from work or get extra support? Or can you show up and meet your goals?

So there you have it. 6 things you can implement today to try and access more peace.

Can you relate to what I've mentioned in this article? If so, comment below and let me know your take, and anything you'd add to the list to help others going through a rough time in life.

Thanks for reading, friends!

-Michelle

Michelle Holmes is a Performance Consultant who supports teams and individuals to increase their performance, resilience, and creativity so that the individual AND the organization can FLOURISH.?She provides workplace wellness workshops + corporate consulting, speaking engagements, and personal coaching.