What to Do When Your Boss Acts Like a Parent

Every day, millions of people around the world go to work for a boss who, in some way, resembles a parental figure - and most often the one who taught us our most influential lessons about money, both positive and negative.

"It’s uncanny! My boss has explosive anger just like my Dad’s."…"The lady I work for nitpicks me exactly like my mother used to." One woman even worked for a man who wore the same cologne as her self-made millionaire grandfather and elaborated that they were both cold, greedy patriarchal figures who were also both bald and had a penchant for hand-tailored suits.

How do we get ourselves into this type of situation? And most importantly, what can we do to get ourselves out of it?

Why We Repeat the Money Beliefs of Childhood

Our childhood experiences can affect nearly every aspect of our financial decisions—even down to the traits of the person who signs our paychecks.

Psychologists theorize that one of the reasons we work for bosses who resemble a parental figure is because we’re subconsciously repeating the patterns of childhood. These individuals provided for us and there’s safety and what we know. But with that, our early influential figures also ingrained in us many other lessons that were actually damaging (i.e. a helicopter parent teaching their child that micromanaging produces more gains; a time-strapped parental figure passed on the idea that unnecessary pressure is the only way to get results, etc.).

When it comes to money, we tend to operate from the autopilot part of the brain, which is terrible at making distinctions, so we end up learning the bad lessons along with the good. Unless we develop conscious awareness of how our present-day decisions relate to our past influences, we essentially end up repeating unhealthy money behaviors under the false belief that they, along with the good behaviors, will bring us financial rewards.

Those who find themselves in this situation often pay a heavy emotional price, alongside a stagnated income. The boss with traits of a parental figure has the power to make us feel humiliated or ashamed without our fully understanding what we did to deserve it. They easily amplify the judgmental voices in our heads, condemning us for the failure of a project we haven’t even started. And we often feel responsible for this boss’s emotional wellbeing, in addition to the company’s bottom-line. Even if you’re one of the rare people who works well with a boss who resembles a parental figure, the emotional entanglement and resulting distress may make you feel like you can’t quite gain the professional respect - and salary - you know you truly deserve.

What’s interesting is that many of us in this situation are already aware of it. Even if we can’t quite articulate the details of what’s happening on a psychological level, we know the feelings are familiar from when we were helpless children.

Face Your Future Without Anxiety

So, why do so many of us continue to work for a boss who acts like a parental figure? The answer is very simple: We don’t feel like we have control over our financial future.

The persistent feeling that your boss is in control of your financial destiny is one of the worst consequences of being in this kind of toxic relationship. It tends to be more difficult to ask for a raise and even if the conversation does take place - and we get a salary increase - it’s accompanied by the nagging feeling that the new figure doesn’t match what we know we’re worth.

Ask yourself - would really continue to work for your boss if you felt no anxiety over your financial future? And in the case that you would continue to work for them, do you think your professional standing and contributions would increase if you felt more financially independent?

Alleviating fears surrounding your financial future while working for a boss who resembles a parent may seem like an impossible task, but it’s not.

It’s actually how we begin to break the pattern for good.

How do we do this? We make a conscious effort to change the bad beliefs and habits that were ingrained in us from our early money lessons. We become proactive in our relationship with money. We learn to curb impulse spending and live within our means. We become aware of our reactivity to economic and market fluctuations so we can invest calmly and wisely and not out of desperation or fear. We get into a pattern of savings and we begin to believe in our ability to make more money, no matter what situation we currently find ourselves in. All these things are how we begin to take control of our financial future, which is the only way we can prevent ourselves from repeating negative habits we learned at an early age.

Make Money Decisions That Represent Your Beliefs

As we let go of the belief that our financial security is dependent on a boss-like parent, we will either free ourselves up to see new ways to earn income or be released from the emotional insecurities that come with working for them.

Money is important, but something that’s important doesn’t have to be complex. After taxes, you alone get to decide how every single penny of your income is put to use, including how to best put to use any income left over after bills are paid. When you’re free to make money decisions that represent you, not your family or the culture, your money situation changes dramatically.

Of course, it’s unlikely that your life will change overnight, but with a few time-tested methods, you can change your financial life if you are willing to change your habits. Nobody is responsible for their poverty, but we’re all responsible for our wealth. Even people who were born into wealth still have the minimum responsibility of holding onto it, which not all do.

While it may be easier said than done, you must remember that you have it within you to act in productive ways that will create a better financial future for you.

Anybody is capable of changing their financial future.

You don’t have to spend your life hamstrung by financial fear, and you don’t have to spend your days repeating patterns from the past. Doing so is tantamount to letting someone steal your potential and your happiness.

While changing your habits, you may still have to endure a few bad ones from your boss, but devoting yourself to financial independence is the surest way to reclaim your emotional and mental wellbeing and escape all the negative aspects of the boss/parent trap for good.?