What to do When you are ‘out-of-sorts’ with God or When Two Wrongs do not make a Right.

Ladey writes from a faith forward perspective on business and topical issues, helping Believers in today’s workplace and at home.

I saw a dove today, perhaps not an unusual occurrence you may say, but my soul needed a confirmation and the dove was a sign.  I was in the garden when a commotion in the air attracted my attention, the dove was mid-flight, beginning its descent towards the birdbath, it saw me and changed direction mid-air, instead flying onto the roof of our home.  It would have fitted well in the closing credits of Touched by an Angel.

It gladden my heart to see it, you see, I was out of sorts with God, yes the conversations had dried up, or if I am honest I He had given me an answer and I was struggling with it and wanted a different one.

A few days earlier, I had made a mistake, and reacted badly in a challenging and hostile situation.  I had not behaved in a way that could be regarded as kind or courteous.  Reactions can happen in milli-seconds and in that one moment of not thinking my action through, I had hours of regret, self-doubt and remorse.

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In the larger scheme of things, perhaps it was not of great significance but when I am a follower of a God who is in each smallest detail, then it is still important.  I know that my unkind reaction will come back to bite me—so before it gets packed away in the memory of something I should not have done, but did, or as a past memory accepting that it is over and done with now I must accept the responsibility of my actions. I have to come to terms with living with the inevitable consequences.

The bottom line is I gave into my own need and reacted in the strength of my knee-jerk emotions and did not care about the other person's needs.   In fact, it was because of the strained relationship where I had lost respect for that person which led to my loss of humility and being able to care.

As, the story has been retold, in my mind and to others, hoping for reassurance, consolidation and justification it is easy to believe I was in the right.  The adage two wrongs do not make a right are forefront in my mind.  I know my behaviour would not have pleased God and grieved Holy Spirit.

The misery of this causes me days of self-reflection, re-examination and confusion on how to make it right. Here were my choices:

1. Ask God for His forgiveness
2. Forgive myself
3. Say blessings on my agitator
4. Pretend it didn't happen
5. Justify my actions–others would have done the same in my shoes.
6. Apologise to the person.

Number 1 was the easiest, I went to my Father, God, who 'gets me' as completely as a dog with a flea!  I confess to Him, even though He already knows, and await His answer.

Number 2 was harder, after all I had written the book, Unfrozen, giving advice on dealing with disappointment, betrayers and forgiveness.   I had to re-read a few passages here!  “The 3D’s of disappointment, disillusionment and discouragement are brought on by interaction with other people. It is tempting to defend yourself by fighting back, wanting the other person to experience the same or more pain than you. As an insult has been received to respond in kind feels natural and righteous. The opposite is true, this retaliation serves to interfere with your healing.”

Accepting that I am not perfect (note to my Ego) I have, do and will make mistakes, so it is key to learn from this current situation for future encounters.  This is tough, it makes me realise that I am still a sinner and need God to forgive me each and every day.  I do not like getting it wrong, being wrong footed,it gives me a stomachache—it feels as though I have eaten something bad and it takes ages for my bodily humours to right themselves.

My unease, physically, psychologically and spiritually is an excellent barometer.  Would I rather feel this misery than be blithely unaware of my actions?  This depth of feeling prevents me from being twee and keeps me real.

Number 3 led me back to the wonderful blessing prayer by Bob Oldershaw, I put the link here so that you can download your own copy.   As I read and recite it, putting my relative's name at the start of each statement, my dislike and resentment surface. Through this blessing prayer, I am challenged in changing my response and heals my own ill-feeling.  To give good things to my enemy is one of the hardest commandments to agree with practically. “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink”, recommends Paul in Romans 12:20. I need to add, if he is hostile, give him kindness.

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I am reminded of when Jesus reacted to a situation and let his anger show.  Matthew 21:12 describes the temple scene. Jesus enters the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. Was this pre-meditated or a reaction of something that was wrong and Jesus could not bear it any longer?

Your and my reactions are similar, consider how and what triggers them and what fraction of a second there is to control or make a choice about our particular response.

Looking at the Temple scene, I put Jesus’ situation through the 6 points.

• Did Jesus take his behaviour to God, as His son, did the Father have a view and some advice on His conduct?  I would think so.
• Did Jesus forgive himself?  HE got on and learnt from it.  I am sure some may say that it was a righteous anger and therefore He did not need to forgive himself, but it is worth considering.
• Did Jesus bless those who were affected?  Yes, He gave His life for each one of them.
• Did Jesus do points 4-6? No, and neither shall I.

As my life is interwoven with my relative, by circumstance not choice, I am sure there will be a next time.  So, I will keep No 6 as an option, and consider this time as the practice field to learn calmness and enforce a more caring attitude for their issues next time. I shall then practice loving my neighbour as myself, trusting compassion will temper my reaction when my buttons are pressed.

I cannot change the opinion, attitude or belief of others but I can and will change mine, with the help of Holy Spirit.  I know He is there for me, forgiven my attitude because ...

… I saw a dove today.

What is your conscience telling you, to repent about, is Holy Spirit prompting you about your attitude or behaviour?

Contact me, and we can discuss in confidence, how I can support you in dealing with disappointment, your reactions and ways to draw nearer to God.

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 Ladeyadey.com

Ladey writes from a faith base on business and topical issues helping Believers in today’s workplace and at home. Christians are finding it increasingly more difficult to express their faith at work and socially. Today we live in a society which puts Christianity into the box labelled ‘politically incorrect’ and ‘culturally unacceptable’. Non-believers in Jesus are outnumbering those who do believe in God. “People of no religion outnumber Christians in England and Wales ” (report in Nat Cen’s 2014 British Social Attitudes Survey).

Ladey has openings in her speaking and coaching diary.