?? What To Do When Things Are Hard

Yesterday was my birthday. And it made me reflect about exactly where I was one year ago. I was on vacation in Europe after burning out very badly. I thought that the two week vacation would cure me. I thought I’d go back after two weeks feeling refreshed and ready to go.

I was wrong.?

I got back and fell right back into the dread. The weeks that followed were some of the hardest of my life. It came into question whether I would be able to remain as a leader in my startup long-term. The alternative was an unfathomably sad possibility. Ultimately my co-founders and I decided I would go on leave because continuing to work at this level of burnout was inconceivable. Over the course of the next few months, as I started my recovery journey, I made the seemingly impossible decision to transition out of an operational role at my company.?

It was a remarkably challenging time. I tried to figure out what to do with all my newfound free time and the truth lurking in that stillness was unbearable. As I started to unthaw from years of constant action, big emotions came up. There was grief, anger, disappointment, and shame. I sat on my couch and cried a lot.?

I didn’t know who I was anymore and what would become of me. I didn’t have a direction or a purpose, other than getting healthy again. I didn’t know what my financial situation would look like. I wanted The GIST to continue to be successful and at the same time was filled with sadness seeing it go on without me. I missed my co-founders and felt the grief of realizing our relationship would never be the same again. That it had changed.

It was really, really hard.?

And, looking back, there are a few things that did help me through a really dark time. I want to share them today in case you or anyone you know is going through a hard time too.

Lean on your people?

When you go through a hard time you really learn who your people are. I truly don’t know what I would’ve done without my people. I’m someone who has always valued my independence, ever since I was little. It’s more comfortable for me to be the helpful one rather than the one who needs to be helped. It’s hard for me to admit that I’m not okay. And, this was a beautiful lesson for me in learning to receive support. My partner, friends, family, mentors and coaches all showed up for me. They weaved the support system that allowed me to feel less alone, and like there wasn’t something wrong with me. That I was worth standing by, worth loving. Which, as someone who always thought I needed to prove my worth, was quite profound.

Tune into the present

This next one is really simple. In my darkest times, I learned that if you tune into the present moment, everything becomes more manageable. Focus on the green of the trees on your walk, become enveloped by a warm bath or cry to a song. The hard stuff softens just a little. The pain of what happened isn’t as acute. The anxiety of the future abates. It doesn’t mean it goes away forever but you experience a moment that hurts less. And I don’t mean meditation. That shit was too hard for me - I’m not Eckhart Tolle! But just walking outside and moving my body and taking care of myself helped, a bit.

Find a willingness to accept and go towards the darkness

I learned that the more you push the hard emotions away the more they simmer under the surface and unconsciously control your behavior. And you’re not actually rid of them, even though you’ve pushed them out of your conscious mind. You’re still holding them in your body.?

It was when I was ready to face the hard stuff, be with it, acknowledge it, journal about it, cry it out, feel it in my body, that it was able to eventually pass through me, and I was able to find peace on the other side. Not permanent peace. And I’d have to repeat that again and again. But the pain lessens its grip on you when you surrender. This was a really hard lesson for me. I’d heard it explained to me… and it’s taken me the better part of this year to actually experience the truth of it for myself. So if you’re struggling with that lesson too, join the party my friend! But don’t give up.

Create space for a new beginning to emerge

This was huge for me. And I actually found that in this time of grief and loss and big emotions, I was more in tune with my true self and my intuition. When I was able to let go of the fact that I was moving on from The GIST, it allowed for a ton of creativity to come up and flow through me. I gave myself permission to daydream about what I could be instead. I asked myself what my true self actually loved to do. And I reconnected with dreams about what I wanted to be that had been stuffed down years back. And what emerged was even more beautiful than what I’d last created. Because it was really true to me.?

It’s been a year since I burned out and while it was one of the hardest things that’s happened to me, it was also one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I really believe it was the universe’s way of shaking me onto the right path, one with lots of healing, self-discovery, re-alignment, and hope.

So if you’re going through something hard, I’m sorry. And I feel for you. Know that it’s temporary. Give yourself the permission to fall apart. I hope that in this space you find support, that you find your people. I hope you take it one day at a time. I hope that you find acceptance and perhaps meaning. And whatever else is meant for you right now.?

But no rush, truly. ??