What To Do When There Are No Right Answers

In a recent survey, a CEO described his role as part-time philosopher. I found the designation to be particularly apropos as we seem to be in a “never-ending cycle of contradiction and calamity” as described in the ponderings of great philosophers like St. Augustine’s philosophical tome?The City of God and Plato’s Dialogues.

In?Psychology Today, Dr. Saul Levine reminded readers: “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht,” an old Yiddish adage meaning, “Man Plans, and God Laughs.” Levine wrote, “Despite our most careful planning, the Road of Life is unpredictable…Our best-laid plans in life can be upended by unexpected changes, which could be either disappointing or exhilarating.”

In an era of instant communication, we see an overwhelming demand for certainty and clarity. Americans have lost their patience. Whether online chatter or dramatic dialogues on cable TV, conversations are characterized by intolerance for human error and demands for immediate answers. It is not surprising that young people are growing more anxious and disillusioned as emotions rise and the negatives become the focal point of discussion. It wouldn’t surprise me if teenagers came to believe the world is ending, as our exaggerated tone and actions would indicate it is.

But we are not just hard on each other, we are hard on ourselves. As I was growing up, my parents would remind me—their over-anxious student—that they?only?expected me to “do my best” when I fretted over a less than perfect grade. Through their guidance, I came to understand that I was not only incapable of reaching perfection, but no one was demanding it of me. My parents taught me to let go of that unattainable burden that I placed on myself and on those around me. Through their guidance, I learned to adopt a philosopher’s mindset one which acknowledges that life is and always has been uncertain. More importantly, I learned the way in which I react to challenges has a positive or negative domino effect on those around me.?I came to understand that leadership and character were more important than perceived excellence.

The choice is ours to make. Become frustrated and angry or control your response to uncertainty by framing your attitude with hope. In today’s Covid environment, be outstanding by acting with kindness and humility while giving superiors, employees, and peers a little grace. There isn’t a roadmap to managing life in a pandemic, so don’t demand perfection of yourself or others.

Rethink your experience today and recognize all of us—our schools, our communities, our nation—are breaking new ground every single day. We will make mistakes. The situations in which we find ourselves aren’t familiar to anyone. We never swam in these waters before.?No one imagined a multi-year period during which we could not visit a friend in the hospital or hold a funeral. We never created plans for a significant portion of the US workforce being forced into quarantine.?

Today more than ever, our success is dependent upon those of us who link arms to do the heavy lifting together and maintain forward movement. Those who do become our cheerleaders, the horse whisperers, and stalwarts who never give up.?

As we enter year three of this impenetrable process, I encourage you to do a few things:

• Understand there may be no right answers or at least the answer that is right for you may not work for someone else. Most issues are too complicated for a one-size-fits-all solution.?You are making decisions in a grey space, but you have the capacity to do so with dignity and respect for other points of view and opinions.
• Check egos at the door and have empathy for another person’s situation. The boss or coworker with whom you are irritated over a missed meeting or repeated tardiness may be managing challenges about which you are unaware—a hospitalized loved one, a widowed mother, a sick child or something as mundane and messy as a broken pipe.
• Remember that each of us are an expert at doing something well that can be done in the moment to help someone else. You may be the best casserole maker in your church or the guy who can wrangle a group of 10-year-old boys giving the neighborhood moms time to relax. Or perhaps you teach an art class that has become therapeutic for your students. Whatever it is that you do well, own it and enjoy it. Every little bit of humanity helps more than you can imagine.
• Let enlightened self-interest be your guide by partnering with a friend, a neighbor, or a coworker who has direct connections to the people who face the problems you are trying to solve. You don’t need to bear each responsibility by yourself, and it’s more fun celebrating success with a group than alone.
• Focus on rebuilding your life with agility and maintaining a resilience mindset that allows for real-time adaptation and if needed, a willingness to let things go.?

Life’s always been tough, but it’s rarely this consistently complicated. Unfortunately, we are going to be managing complexity for at least another year. Give yourself a pass. Let things go. Focus on being your best.

"Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers." Voltaire