?? What to Do When People Discourage You from Writing ??

Why Do People Discourage You from Writing?

Writing a book can be a powerful tool for establishing yourself as an authority in your field, sharing your expertise, and even opening up new career opportunities. So, it’s particularly disheartening when friends, family, or even colleagues question your decision to embark on this journey. Maybe they don’t see the potential impact of a book on your career, or they think it’s a waste of time because “Who’s going to read it anyway?”

Such negativity can cause you to second-guess yourself, lose motivation, or even abandon the project altogether. But why do people react this way? And, more importantly, how can you overcome this resistance and keep moving forward? This article will explore why people discourage aspiring authors, how to deal with these challenges, and practical tips for keeping your focus and drive intact.

1. Why People Discourage You from Writing Your Book

People discourage others from writing for many reasons, most of which have more to do with them than with you or your project. Understanding these motivations can help you see through the negativity and stay focused on your goals.

Common Reasons People Discourage Aspiring Authors:

1. Fear of Failure or Embarrassment: They might think they’re doing you a favor by shielding you from potential disappointment. (“Hey, it’s not like every book becomes a bestseller!” Thanks, Captain Obvious.)
2. Jealousy or Insecurity: Writing a book is a huge accomplishment, and not everyone will cheer you on while you achieve something they’ve never dared to try themselves.
3. Misunderstanding the Value of Writing: Some people don’t see writing as a “real” contribution to your career. They think it’s a hobby at best. (“But when are you getting a real job?”—as if pouring your expertise onto paper isn’t valuable work!)
4. Resistance to Change: Maybe your new endeavor upsets the balance of your relationship or challenges their expectations of you. So, they discourage you to maintain the status quo.

I’ve faced discouragement for several of my own projects. When I was writing Safe Computing, a book aimed at helping people stay secure online, a friend told me, “Nobody cares about computer security—just let the tech guys handle it.” The comment was meant to be helpful, but it completely dismissed the importance of teaching non-technical readers how to protect themselves.

When working on Focus on LinkedIn, a book about building a strong professional presence on LinkedIn, I received an almost laughable remark: “Why would anyone read a whole book about LinkedIn? Just Google it.” It’s amazing how people will downplay an entire project with one dismissive sentence! Ironically, this became a Kindle bestseller at 15,000 copies sold in less than a week!

How to Sell on eBay was met with similar skepticism. Someone told me, “eBay is dying; why waste time writing a book about it?” Ironically, this person had never used eBay themselves! These types of comments often come from people who don’t understand the value of sharing expertise through a book. When published, this book sold over 5,000 copies!

Understanding these reasons helps you avoid taking comments personally. Instead of letting their doubts affect you, remind yourself that their concerns are more about them than your book.

2. How to Recognize Constructive Criticism vs. Discouragement

Not all feedback is created equal. Constructive criticism is like a gentle nudge in the right direction; discouragement is more like a shove into a pit of quicksand while shouting, “Good luck!” Knowing the difference can keep you from getting pulled under.

Signs of Constructive Criticism:

• Focuses on the work, not you personally.
• Offers specific suggestions for improvement.
• Respects your creative vision.

Signs of Discouragement:

• Centers around your abilities or your decision to write.
• Uses language like, “Why bother?” or “You’re wasting your time.”
• Dismisses your efforts without offering solutions or support.

I experienced this firsthand with my recent book project, Peacekeeper. I handed an early draft to a friend, eager for some constructive feedback. Instead, he came back with, “This is terrible. I hate the characters, the plot’s a mess, and honestly, you should just drop it.” Well, thanks for the pep talk, buddy! This wasn’t constructive criticism—it was outright discouragement. Recognizing these signs helped me avoid an emotional spiral and instead use it as motivation.

Several years ago, I ventured into a unique and niche market by creating four bellydance-themed coloring books: Bellydancer Coloring Book #1, #2, #3, and #4. From the outset, I faced skepticism and outright discouragement. People said things like, “Who’s going to buy a bellydance coloring book?” and “There’s no market for that.” They questioned why I would dedicate so much time and effort to such a narrow subject. Despite the doubts, I moved forward and proved them wrong. Not only did the books find their audience, but they also sold several thousand copies, demonstrating that there’s a place for even the most unconventional ideas when executed well. The success of these coloring books showed me that sometimes the key is simply believing in your project, even when no one else does.

3. Handling Negative Feedback on Your Book Idea

Getting negative feedback on your book idea can feel like someone stomping on your sandcastle after you’ve spent hours building it. Ouch. But even the harshest comments can be helpful—if you know how to handle them.

Tips for Handling Negative Feedback:

1. Take a Step Back: Don’t respond immediately, or you might say something you’ll regret. (Like sending them a glitter bomb—no good will come from it!)
2. Ask for Specifics: If someone says, “I don’t like it,” dig deeper and ask, “What didn’t work for you?” This forces them to give useful feedback rather than vague negativity.
3. Evaluate the Source: Has this person read a book since high school? If not, their opinion might be a little less relevant.
4. Use it as Motivation: Channel your inner Rocky Balboa—every punch (er, comment) can make you stronger if you use it to fuel your determination.

I once had a potential customer who approached me about writing a book to boost his credibility in his field. He was excited and ready to start. But after speaking with a few trusted associates, he backed out. Their advice? “Writing a book is too time-consuming and won’t provide any real benefits.” He later sent me a message saying, “Several people I trust and value as advisors don’t think these kinds of books have the business impact they once did. So, I’m not going forward.” It’s unfortunate how some people can talk themselves out of a potentially game-changing project based on the opinions of those who may not even understand the value of a book.

4. Dealing with Self-Doubt and Building Confidence as a Writer

When others discourage you, it’s easy to start questioning your own abilities. Suddenly, every sentence seems off, and your content feels as flat as roadkill. Overcoming self-doubt is key if you want to see your project through to completion.

Start by revisiting your “why”—why did you want to write this book in the first place? Maybe it’s to share your expertise, establish yourself as an authority, or just prove that you can do it. Whatever your reason, hold onto it.

Strategies to Build Confidence:

1. Create a Writing Routine: Like a morning cup of coffee, a solid routine can work wonders. Even if the words aren’t flowing, the act of sitting down to write can build your confidence over time.
2. Celebrate Small Wins: Finished a chapter? Celebrate! Edited ten pages? Treat yourself! These small victories can keep you moving forward.
3. Visualize Success: Picture your book being read by professionals, praised in reviews, or opening up new career opportunities for you. If you can see it, you can make it happen.

I had a client who started working with me on a young adult series about technology. After a few months of progress, she disappeared. She never told me the reason, but it seemed she didn't have time even for a few brief phone calls. I found it ironic since that’s exactly why she hired a ghostwriter—to free up her time!

5. How to Stay Motivated When Others Doubt You

It’s tough to stay motivated when people around you act like you’re on a fool’s errand. But remember, writing a book is your adventure, not theirs. They can keep their negativity, and you can keep your momentum.

Practical Tips to Stay Motivated:

1. Set Clear Goals: Break down your book into smaller, manageable tasks. It’s easier to eat an elephant one bite at a time (not that I’m advocating elephant-eating!).
2. Create a Vision Board: Fill it with images, quotes, and reminders of why you started writing. Whenever you’re feeling low, it’ll remind you of your purpose.
3. Find an Accountability Partner: A fellow writer or a supportive friend can help keep you on track.

When I faced moments of doubt, I’d reach out to a supportive friend who always said, “Keep going; I want to know what happens next!” Those little nudges kept me moving forward.

6. Overcoming Discouragement from Friends and Family

Discouragement from friends and family can feel like a betrayal. After all, these are people who are supposed to be in your corner, right? But their negativity often comes from a place of love (or misplaced concern).

If a loved one discourages you, try to understand their concerns. Listen patiently, then share why this project is important to you. Most people just want to know that you’re making a thoughtful decision, not diving in blindly.

Sometimes, discouragement can cause a complete derailment of a project. Another client who had an incredible book idea about leadership suddenly decided to abandon it. She told me, “I just don’t think it’s worth it right now,” citing concerns raised by her family. The decision wasn’t based on the project itself, but rather the opinions of people who didn’t see her book’s potential value. That’s why it’s important to have a clear vision and stick to it, no matter what others say.

7. Building a Support Network of Like-Minded Individuals

Finding a group of supportive writers—your own literary cheerleading squad—can make all the difference. Look for communities where you can share your struggles, exchange feedback, and celebrate successes.

Online forums, social media groups, and local writing workshops are great places to start. Your support network doesn’t have to be huge; even a few dedicated cheerleaders can make a world of difference when the doubts start creeping in. When you’re surrounded by others who understand the challenges of writing, you’ll find it easier to stay on track and keep pushing forward, no matter what.

I joined a few writing groups when I first started, and the encouragement I received helped me push through the tougher days. They’d share tips, remind me of why I started, and even point out areas where I was being too critical of myself. Knowing you’re not alone in your journey is invaluable.

8. Using Doubt as Fuel to Write a Successful Book

Every time someone expresses doubt, use it as fuel. Let their skepticism drive you to make your book even better. Remember, every bestselling author was once told, “This will never work.” And yet, here they are, smiling all the way to the bank.

Use negative comments as motivation to polish your manuscript, create compelling characters, or enhance your plot. Let your book be the response to those who doubted you. Imagine their surprise when your book is out there, making an impact and proving them wrong!

Conclusion: Keep Writing Despite the Doubt

Writing a book is a monumental achievement. It’s not always easy, and you’re bound to face resistance. But you can overcome it by focusing on your passion, surrounding yourself with supporters, and using every negative comment as a steppingstone to success. So, take a deep breath, get back to writing, and let your words prove the doubters wrong.

Takeaway: Discouragement is a natural part of the writing journey. Understanding why others doubt you and learning to stay motivated despite the negativity are key to finishing your book. Stay focused and let your book become the ultimate proof of your dedication and expertise!

If you’re ready to turn your unique ideas into a book that stands out and makes an impact, don’t let doubts hold you back. Whether it’s a niche project like bellydance coloring books or an authoritative guide in your industry, you can achieve success with the right guidance. Visit The Writing King to learn how I can help you write, publish, and market your book. Let’s transform your vision into reality and create something that leaves a lasting legacy.

Royce Blake , Erik Boemanns , Bonnie Dillabough , Jenn Bonine , Achille Ettorre, MBA , Gerry Mecca , Anand Bhat , Brandon Bornancin , Dr. Petri I. Salonen , Fox Tucker

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