What to Do When Nothing Is Going Right in Your Life
We all face periods in life when it seems like nothing is going right—when setbacks, disappointments, and challenges abound, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and lost. During these trying times, it's crucial to remember that adversity can be a catalyst for growth and transformation. Instead of succumbing to despair, we have the power to rise above and chart a new course. In this article, we will explore practical strategies and mindset shifts to help you navigate through challenging phases, regain control, and create positive change. From embracing self-compassion to reframing obstacles as opportunities, we will provide guidance to inspire resilience and empower you to turn the tide when it feels like everything is going wrong.
From the time a rose seed germinates until the day it withers and dies, it remains a rose. It has all it needs to realize its full potential. Even though it may feel like everything is always shifting, the truth is that everything is perfect just the way it is right now. - Thomas Gallwey
Have you ever desired anything so badly that you felt utterly heartbroken when your numerous efforts to get it ultimately proved futile?
Did recurring patterns persist even after you made changes?
Have you ever wanted anything so much that you lost all enthusiasm for living when it didn't come true?
I had this idea once upon a time. I had no idea what to do after that.
I realized that if I could get just one thing, I would be completely fulfilled. But I had no luck tracking it down. The harder I tried to get there, the more distant it seemed. There were times when I felt deceived and heartbroken.
In my mind, I wasn't being too demanding. I found a lot of people who had everything I wanted. I felt I deserved it after all those years of searching. Why couldn't I just have a regular life? I don't know what I did wrong.
Ultimately, I wanted to find my life companion.
Despite my best attempts, I kept having unrequited crushes on men who were out of my league. My coworker and I seemed to always get along well. I looked forward to spending time together every day.
My companion and I discussed our future plans and found that they aligned with mine. But eventually, he would have to utter those terrible words: "It's time to move on." After hearing "the timing is not right" as an excuse on repeat, I found it annoying.
No matter where I turned, I only found the same error messages:
Everything I held to be true was being challenged by this. I had always worked toward my objectives. It served its purpose while I was still a student and a homebody. When the conditions were right and I was alone, why didn't it work?
Why Don't We Realize Our Potential?
While feeling defeated, I persevered in my search. I learned that when we feel powerless and confined in life, it isn't usually because we're working too hard but because we're trying to control things.
Not everything can be customized to your specifications. There are too many other variables at play, chief among them the wants of other people. All of us experience the frustration that comes from having needs and desires that are at odds with one another.
I had to give myself some time to realize that I may be overly controlling. However, we are part of a society that admires achievement. I had learned that individuals may be taught to persist in the face of adversity.
When I was at a meditation class, the instructor made a point of comparing his Western students to his more chill Eastern students. He said that Western students practice meditation in an effort to achieve tranquility. Students in the East tend to agree.
The only tactic that works with meditation is letting go. A state of calmness is lost in the act of grasping. Meditation is achieved by releasing all control.
The next thing I learned, the root of our control obsession, was far more problematic for me to accept. Fear motivates our behavior. We all have ingrained, subconscious concerns about the future. When we put in the effort to arrange our lives as we would want, we increase our sense of security.
That idea required some deliberation. But I had to admit to myself that I feared isolation and loneliness.
That's why I've been trying so hard to find the one. The same thing happened to me as it did to other people who tried to meditate but failed. I was driving away prospective lovers.
I was acting as if every romantic encounter would inevitably result in a wedding. I wasn't sitting around calmly waiting for things to happen. Some of the guys I know claimed it was too much of a burden.
An Exam That Could Change Your Future
Upon coming to terms with this, I accepted the fact that I was a control freak and decided to stop worrying about what other people thought of me. In a moment of desperation, I decided to see what would happen if I made plans and then let go, letting fate take its course.
This was made more difficult by the fact that I had just lost my job, which represented the other half of my identity.
I decided to take a risk and allow someone else to choose my future spouse. After all, my performance record wasn't exactly impressive.
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As far as I was concerned, this was a clean slate, a chance to start again with fewer expectations, less anxiety, and more trust. I persuaded myself that everything would work out for the best if I just relaxed, trusted, and went with the flow instead of trying to resist it.
After reading Deepak Chopra's advice to "be the observer" of one's life, I made an effort to do just that. Reminding myself that peace may be found in even the briefest of mental lulls helped me calm down.
I met a yogi, and we began our yoga and meditation practices together. I started walking with Mary, a friend I acquired via my company's outplacement program, every day for an hour. We both became unemployed on the same day.
My life went through a dramatic shift very quickly. Despite being alone and unemployed, I finally realized I didn't have to live in constant fear.
When I took the time to check in with myself, I realized that I was OK at all times. I think I could handle this. I had the luxury of taking my time, thinking things through, and focusing on strategies for adjusting—ways to feel at peace by letting go of control.
I continued working toward my goals, but I stopped being so rigid about getting the specific outcomes I thought would bring me joy and started being more flexible and open to other possibilities.
Amazing Things May Occur When You Let Go
Even though I am now unemployed, I have found that my stress levels have decreased. A huge weight has just been lifted from my chest. I wasn't happy in my position, so the chance to try something new was really appealing.
Meditation, yoga, and exercise helped me so much that I was able to stop using antidepressants after using them for years.
I had tried to wean myself off of it before, but nothing had worked until I started to let go of my control and instead focus on enjoying life and its potential.
To my amazement, I was really enjoying this experiment. I stopped trying to hold on for dear life and let myself be emotionally derailed by setbacks, and instead found myself really enjoying life. I sensed that great things were about to happen to me.
After overcoming my anxiety, I made an effort to observe my surroundings and see how events unfolded. When I stopped trying to force things to happen, opportunities presented themselves to me that I would not have seen otherwise. It was really similar to opening gifts.
For the first time in my life, I've decided to start my own business. Instead of going out with another man, I met some people who were interested in the same things I was and who made me feel right at home.
They were easier to locate once I joined a group Mary had told me about. They were in the middle of a novel called "The Quest." When she told me, I thought, "That sounds like something I'm on." Mary also realized that it had come at the right time.
Something of value happened despite the fact that my ideal romantic partnership has yet to materialize. My awareness of myself grew and deepened significantly. Because of this, I gained confidence in myself and eventually came to like spending time alone.
When I finally found happiness in my life, I went to a singles event, and there I met the man who would become my husband, Mike. He's really unlike your previous lovers.
I understood the urgency of his need for a firm promise. He looked at me with genuine curiosity when we first met, and I felt the same way about him.
There are many ways in which we're alike. We have the same interests and aesthetic preferences, and we get along well intellectually. We can get along in spite of our differences. It blows my mind how well everything worked out.
The only way to really grasp what it's like to abandon your preconceived notions and just go with the flow is to experience it for yourself, as I have. You won't believe it unless you see it for yourself.
I have seen the struggles of others to achieve their goals. Most of us have a natural tendency to pursue goals that we believe will make us feel safe. If only we could see that we might be happier if we stopped resisting what life presented us with and instead welcomed it with open arms.
Originally published at?https://theenlightenmentjourney.com?on May 28, 2023.
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