What to do when inspiration ??is gone

For some, inspiration is the key motivating factor in their work. For many individuals, myself included, the spark of inspiration propels us to achieve outrageous goals. It gets us out of bed and ready to conquer. It's what transforms ordinary tasks into extraordinary accomplishments and transforms workplaces into incubators of brilliance.

In recruiting, the grind can ... well grind on your inspiration. The tasks, the moving targets, the hiring managers breathing down your back and countless other stress factors can inhibit your ability to regenerate your inspiration. What do you do when you feel your inspiration is zapped? How do you keep this drive that motivates you to succeed?

Short answer: boundaries.

Let's go through some boundaries you should examine first:

But first, have you checked out my YouTube Channel?

Vampires ??♂?

Ok, not real ones but follow me here. There are people in your circle who are emotional vampires. These stealthy varmints' mere presence drains enthusiasm and inspiration faster than a vampire drains blood. With a knack for sucking the joy and inspiration out of any situation, their negativity spreads faster than the common cold.

Like the mythical vampires, they're elusive, hanging in the shadows. Usually, you do not realize they are one until it's too late. In the real world, they are also people who never seem to be content or inspired. They hide behind masks of the inquisitor or the "realist" when inspiration is present.

The psychological underpinnings of emotional vampirism in the business environment often stem from unresolved personal issues or insecurities. Individuals may resort to draining others' emotional energy as a means of compensating for their own lack of fulfillment or sense of control. Also, some may exhibit such behavior due to a deep-seated fear of failure or rejection, using negativity as a defense mechanism to avoid facing their own shortcomings. Ultimately, emotional vampires may unwittingly seek validation or attention through their draining behavior, unaware of the detrimental impact it has on both themselves and those around them.

Please also recognize that sometimes these vampires have very influential roles in the organization. Emotional Vampires in leadership positions are the most untouchable and draining of them all. They rarely acknowledge your success and if they do, it's usually with a back-handed compliment. If you work for one of these, beware. They may be feasting on your inspiration and sabotaging your ingenuity.

Your boundary for the emotional vampire should be tall and wide. Give them as little information on your inspiration as you can. Also, remember who they are is a reflection on them, not your ingenuity or inspiration. When I have to interact with an emotional vampire, I actually created a routine of mentally packing up the interaction in a wooden coffin and putting it back in the ground.

Most important, identify who they are, build the protective fence, and create your cleansing routine.

For Leaders:

Check yourself. Do you uplift your team? Do you help foster inspiration or do you find yourself looking for the downside of most situations citing risk or "blowback"?

In my experience, working for an emotional vampire not only affects my inspiration but also great affects my ability to perform. Recognize that some on your team need to be "dreamy" and it's why they are high performers-they're able to see beyond reality to what can be.

If you continuously squash this needlessly, you may find yourself with the mediocre team of your dreams. (#lacedwithsarcasm)

The Ask-Holes ???

Has this ever happened to you?

You're in a meeting, discussing crucial strategies to move your team forward, when the askhole appears. This person carries arsenal of questions but they are not seeking enlightenment or clarity. Askholes are on a one-person mission to monopolize the conversation and bask in the spotlight of their perceived knowledge.

With each question, they draw out the discussion, transforming what could be a concise exchange into a pile of verbosity. Time ticks away as they revel in the sound of their own voice, oblivious to the collective eye rolls and stifled sighs of their audience. The askhole, in their quest to appear knowledgeable, becomes the unwitting saboteur of productivity and inspiration, leaving in their wake a trail of wasted time and frayed nerves.

The psychological motivations behind being an askhole often stem from a combination of insecurity and a desire for validation. Individuals may feel the need to constantly assert their intelligence or competence, using a barrage of questions as a means to showcase their knowledge or expertise. Some askholes may harbor a fear of appearing ignorant or uninformed, leading them to overcompensate by dominating discussions with endless inquiries.

This behavior can also be driven by a deep-seated need for attention or recognition, as askholes seek validation from their peers through their incessant questioning. Ultimately, while their intentions may be rooted in a quest for validation or self-assurance, the askhole's behavior can inadvertently hinder productive communication and teamwork.

I have found the best way to corner the Askhole is to do a preflight with them ahead of time. Remember, they love the limelight so play to their ego and ask for their "advice" on the topic. But do it without giving them an audience. What will happen is when they attempt their Askhole behaviors in the group setting, you can remind them of the time spent ahead of time. Example, "If you remember when we discussed this earlier...". This tends to shut them down and allow you to move the conversation along.

For Leaders:

If you identify as an Askhole, just know you are draining the more creative and inspirational thinkers on your team. Do a self reflection on why you exhibit this behavior. Go Freudian if you need to but for the love of all that's holy-find a way to stop.

If you have Askholes on your team, try to point out the behavior and the effects. The goal is to understand the motivation for their questioning. Sometimes, they are just cynical and seek attention for being so. These are the dangerous Askholes.

Other times, they take pride in being the one to shoot holes in an idea to help make it stronger. These are the ones you want to coach and develop.

It's about the intent of the askhole that matters and determines your course of action.

Shameless Plug: Order both books on Amazon. Click here .

Validation over Collaboration ???? ??

Have you ever worked with someone who asks to leverage your inspiration to work on a project, only to have them go in a different (seemingly) predetermined way? I call these the Validators (said in a monstrous voice-over).

It's not uncommon to encounter individuals who prioritize seeking personal validation over collaboration. They want to use your inspiration and the positive effects of it, to further their own agenda. Validators are only looking for information to support their preconceived idea or data. If you bring alternatives to this- or worse, take time to provide some guidance- they will often downplay such actions and proceed as they want to. Every time you attempt to provide feedback, they will shoot it down or ignore it all together. The really bad ones will convince you that YOU are not visionary enough to handle what they're thinking. Avoid them sapping your inspiration.

This inclination often finds its roots in complex psychological dynamics, where past experiences or insecurities exert a profound influence. For some, a history of receiving accolades or commendation for their contributions may instill a deep-seated need for external validation, leading them to prioritize recognition over genuine collaboration.

Oftentimes, individuals may harbor an underlying fear of failure, seeking validation as a means to assuage feelings of inadequacy or uncertainty about their role within the team. If they do not get it from you, they will get it from someone else. Recognize that societal norms and cultural expectations can exacerbate validation-seeking tendencies, particularly in environments where success is equated with individual achievement.

The best way to deal with Validators is to ask a clarifying question at the beginning of the meeting: Do you need me to listen or provide feedback/advice. This sets a context ahead of the time together. AND, it also gives you an out. If someone comes to you under the guise of wanting feedback yet does not acknowledge or embrace your feedback constructively, you can leverage this the next time they ask you.

There have been many times I have reminded someone that they really don't want feedback based on previous encounters. As I have written often, my time is valuable. I will often decline such invites to make better use of my time. But then again, I'm also known as a jerk so you may not want to follow my lead on this one.

For Leaders

For leaders, it's crucial to first recognize any validation-seeking tendencies in themselves. Do you find yourself constantly seeking approval or feeling uneasy about feedback? These could be signs.

Once you're aware, keep an eye out for team members who exhibit similar behavior. Look for signs like always needing validation or taking credit for others' ideas. When you spot it, approach with empathy. Have open conversations, offer feedback, and focus on building a culture of collaboration. Provide support and opportunities for growth to help them shift their focus from seeking validation to working as part of a team.

Conclusion

For those who have inspiration as a key motivator, identify and protect should be your strategy. It is a delicate balance though-be careful not to only surround yourself with cheerleaders. Find a group who will recognize and support your need for inspiration while also helping you identify risk you may overlook. Be careful not to quickly categorize everyone as a vampire, askhole or validator. You need a good mix to be successful.

1. Dave Kline had a great post on determining the reasons for poor performance. It's definitely worth heading over and checking out his thoughts here .
2. Brian Fink shared his thoughts on the mindsets needed to thrive in the future of talent acquisition. Check it out here .
3. The Futur channel on YouTube is one of my favorites. In this video , he discusses how to charge what you're worth. It's a short, impactful video!
4. Have you ever thought about changing up your recruiting email strategy? Maybe try something a bit more on the edge? I share a brief story of how I did just that some years ago and it actually worked. Check it out here .
5. New McKinsey survey reveals the AI tech-talent landscape. It's a great article with a ton of relevant data. Check it out here .
6. Mark your calendars. I get to sit down with one of my BFFs Kalifa Oliver, Ph.D. as part of her book launch. Yes you read that right: BOOK LAUNCH! If you have ever seen us together you know that it will be packed with stories, laughing, data and more. Be sure to go over and register for your seat here . And of course, preorder her book.
7. If you are a recruiter and actively looking for a job, this message is for you.
8. Flow state is something I've been obsessed with since late last year. It's one of the environments I write about in High Performance Recruiting . Here's a great short video explaining how you can get into Flow State quicker.
9. Don't forget Mother's Day is this weekend in the US!
10. Quote for the week: The ultimate form of sophistication is simplicity. (DaVinci)

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