What do we really see ? On Our own mental models, allowing constructive dissent and building Character

Disclaimer : This article is written is in my personal capacity. The opinions may not represent the perspectives of my employer. All mis-representations are my own. I have use "She" for economy of words, and for fluidity in writing.

Last week I was travelling to Pondicherry for some time off with family. As I was walking with my 15 month daughter at airport, I was approached by a man who was stumbling as he walked. With a larger than life smile on his face, he asked if it was my daughter and how old she was. Of course, that triggers the alarms for any mother, since a mothers’s natural instinct is, "..there is no way I am not letting you photograph my child, or hold my child in your lap, or whatever".

An instinctive predator tag for all strangers that serves as a self-protective mechanism of sorts.

This man then said “ I have a 1 year old son, and my wife & I just realised we ran out of diapers, can I borrow one from you ? ”. It felt like this conversation slapped me in my face. Especially since I consider myself to be reasonably self aware, "present" person. It showed me how we rely on the automatic fast, intuitive thinking , and see people through the conditioned lens we have all had, generalising, because it saves us so much mental processing.

And we do this all the time in personal & professional life. We shoot down people who have different mental models than ours, bring more diverse skill sets than ours, people who make us uncomfortable, not realising that in this discomfort - we grow too !

And by having people who can challenge our most dearly held beliefs, they help us truly understand why we stand for what we stand - often discovering things we don't like about ourselves, but things we really need to hear.

The worst thing that can happen in any setup is a fear based consent . Think about it. You don't agree that a plan will take you where you need to go, but there is no room to add to the pool of shared meaning - and you hold back. And that holding back becomes a culture, a self protective mechanism - where dissent is punished, and consent, or default opt-in of sorts is rewarded. And if you play that situation out - imagine the kind of autocratic, in the name-of-speed outcomes you are delivering. Where you don't have time to fill in people about why you are doing what you are doing.

This made me think, so what is the mark of a true Leader and how can a Leader encourage constructive dissent ?

By Humility, empathy, a deep sense of self worth and wanting to understand the intent of the dissent - and letting that individual earn that respect, rather than handing it down - or saving face on his behalf .

This wanting to understand, in all honesty is the most non-scalable way to lead. Because to establish those "deeper tranches of connect" - you need to put your raw, authentic self out there - and just listen, and absorb the dissent - and to do this right, consumes a lot of energy(which explains why many people don't do it ). Thinking Fast and Slow, if you would.

But when a leader has those tenets, she gradually weeds out the artificial fear based coherence and unanimous cover of consent . Because the Leader is enough in herself. Because she is incredibly grounded and aware that she can't impulsively throw a bucket full of muddy water, but fill it with so much pure , clean water, that the filth becomes invisible over time.

A great leader doesn't look at others through her own mental models. She pierces them through her core values, and her understanding of theirs and looks at the motivations and whether the intent of that dissent is pure, because if that intent is pure, and she trusts it - it is adding something to the status quo, and not taking it away. She lets everyone flourish with their own individuality, without man-marking people she would allow dissent from, and ones you wouldn't. She may get there slower, but the journey will be worthwhile.

So, how does a leader encourage constructive dissent ?

By demonstrating a shared respect and trust in the team she leads, and giving the team sufficient cover of not having to explain. Largely because ex-post facto explanation is a sign that something is broken.

There is a story about many blind men exploring an elephant, and each stumbling on a different part of that elephant, and each believing strongly that only they could be right, because they have experienced this elephant, from their sense organs.

By allowing for that possibility and articulating that may be, just may be, people who disagree may have seen a different part of that elephant, and they could all be right at the same time about how the elephant looks like.

In our fast paced workplaces, in the name of speed and coherence, we prosecute. Trash dissents. Bury down voices that may become too feeble to ever sing again. And that's a generation lost to its own self, and pulling itself into the siren song of mediocrity. Arriving there, in time, but realising it was never a worthwhile goal post all this while.

And with suffered causalities along the way, a weaker cohort that looks around for proof point so it can orchestrate itself, too - we build communities, countries of low worth, unfulfilled individuals, here not for self actualisation, but business as usual, that their life gradually becomes.

..Which is to say that Leadership is the most noblest profession if executed right. Because our most cherished, and satisfying moments are from building people. Take that leap of faith, give them the cover, to let them blossom on the yardstick that aligns with their value systems, while also keeping the organisational best interests at heart . Because when you touch their heart at that deep level, they will truly die for your war-cry.

Bake that heart, connect, rawness in by design. Because that is how we build missions, and execute them with an uncomfortable excitement, loving every bit of the journey, and for once, excel for excelling. Collectively excelling @scale.

Parting note : Respect is only earned. And you can't give someone respect. A handed down respect is much like artificial jewellery, it glitters at the distance, but feels too cheap and shallow up-close. So, put your faith in them - and then let them earn on their own .

So, let that greatness come alive in them, every single day.