What do we ALL Want?
I could answer this with three words: "to belong."
The confusion with that answer is that belonging isn't the same as fitting in. We don't want to compromise much of who we are and what we believe. We want to be where people will accept us for who we are, and maybe even embrace them and support them.
I'm a weirdo. I work where it's okay that I'm a weirdo. I work in a company where the first core value is "be human." That's important, as well.
This works in several directions, but where it gets extra complicated is when there is a clash between what you want and what other people want. It's harder still when people want to preach their values onto other people's lives. Imagine being told what to have for lunch.
This Requires Understanding
And "understanding" is an active verb. Part of the work of understanding is to seek out and learn from people who are different from you.
I have an LGBTQ+ child. I learn ALL the time. I ask all kinds of questions, and each time, I get a different perspective than I had before. There are so many facets, but one that I find quite fascinating and where I *can* identify a little bit is that some people just don't feel good in their own skin. You don't have to be LGBTQ+ to identify with that.
I have a friend I game with that said he didn't like all the latest Marvel shows because of all the female lead characters. They went on to say "Why'd they have to make it all political?" I've been thinking about that for a while: why does "woman" equal "political" to him?
Sure, there are some cultures that I don't intend to try and understand as much. Hate groups, for instance. But I also want to know more about why people hate my kid in the abstract. I keep reading words that don't apply to my kid, but that are often thrown in their direction. It's confusing, and so I probably should learn more there. But I won't dig deep.
领英推荐
We Can Find Where We Belong
I've been spending a lot of time on Reddit lately. Some of the places there I love the most are super nerdy and the memes they share would make ZERO sense to people without the same background of information. I love quirky things like that. I love "secret languages" and hidden cultures. I belong in some weird places, and that's what makes me happy.
What I think quite often is that there's a little secret pocket community for everyone. You might not be the mainstream (I sure am not), but that doesn't mean there aren't others like you out there.
Thoughts about belonging can be boiled down to filling in these blanks:
I'm an introvert. I like small groups more than large ones. (Funny, given that I've spoken in front of 7000 people before.) And so maybe you don't feel social about what you're into. That's fine, too. That's another way of belonging. Maybe that's another bullet: I feel good being around people who ____ , even if we don't say anything.
Where do you belong?
Chris...
I Can Show YOU ? How To Use LinkedIn To Share "Your Solutions" And "WHY YOU" | How To Be Seen & Heard | "Curiosity Corner" Newsletter | #LinkedIn LIVE ? "Let's Talk" | SOCIAL MEDIA ADVOCATE ? #COURSECREATOR > #SPEAKER
1 年I think one of the best gifts is to know someone who isn’t like you ~ who has differing beliefs and opinions AND be able to have open dialogue w/ no judgement! How boring to go to a potluck and only have one thing to eat. I love that I have friends like you Chris Brogan who I can have open conversations with. ??
Technical Program Manager, Business Analyst and PowerPlatform Professional
1 年My kid's elementary school did a program where each kid talked about something they identified with (anything from gender to nationality to a hobby) and what misconceptions/stereotypes people might have, and so what they wanted people to know about them. Like, could be something like "Just because I'm a gamer, doesn't mean I don't like to read books too." (I made up an innocuous one there to avoid "politics" on a public LinkedIn post. ) Anyway, it's fostered a great deal of understanding and empathy for the kids that went through the program, which is called "Serious Talks" because it teaches the kids how to talk to each other about differences and is intended to increase a sense of belonging despite a diverse background of students. At any rate, some parents are now circulating a petition to get rid of it because they don't like how the program is teaching their kids to "accept" the difference that they themselves don't accept. That's sad - because that kind of exchange really helps everyone, not just the "weirdos" to use your phrase from the beginning of the post. I love that I can be myself at my company, the first place I've worked that I've felt that way - that's why I've been here 17 years.
Digital Productivity Coach & Consultant | Evernote Certified Expert | Certified Professional Organizer?
1 年I like being with people but I don't always want to talk. Oftentimes my extrovert pops out and has lots to say. And other times, my introvert wants to be alone or stay quiet. So where do I belong? It depends. But I do know that I want to be accepted even if I'm not understood. (P.S. Your post reminded me a little of Radiohead's "Creep.")