What do I do when everything falls apart?

If you've been a leader for long, it's already happened to you. You thought everything was going great and you were just cruising along when BAM! out of nowhere it seems like everything just crumbled around you!

If you haven't experienced this, be prepared because there's no doubt it's coming eventually. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but it's simply the truth! At some point (or many points) in the life of a leader, everything is going to hit the fan! It all goes to chaos, and we're left trying to figure out what in the world happened! So, when (not if) it happens to you, what should you do?

I'm so glad you asked! This article aims to add value to your leadership journey by answering that exact question!

Now, most writer workshops tell us the best way to write an engaging article is to lead the reader along a journey that compels them to keep reading. In other words, maintain suspense and don't give away all the details. But, that's not how I want to write this article. I'm going to give you the main thoughts up front and if that's all you need, great! I'm glad to provide quick impact. But, if you want more details, I invite you to continue reading.

So, first, here are 5 steps that I have found to be extremely valuable when everything falls apart.

1. Remember the Mission - Often the mission is greater than the challenge. Focusing on what is being accomplished can provide motivation to keep pressing forward, despite difficult circumstances.
2. Remember the People - There are almost always others involved in the crisis. Whether they are the cause of the crisis or they share in the disappointment, they are people too and we are called to serve them.
3. Remember the Lesson - If there is one thing that EVERY disappointment has it is a lesson! Finding (and learning) that lesson can be the redeeming factor that brings value to the situation.
4. Remember the Past - This may seem counterintuitive as we usually want to keep looking forward. But there can be value in remembering where we have come from and looking at our present challenge in the light of past victories.
5. Remember the Goal - Similar to the mission, the goal is the specific next step that can bring us from the current challenge to the next victory.

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Want more? It's my pleasure. Please keep reading for additional details on navigating the inevitable challenges that we face as leaders.

The 5 steps above call us to "remember" things when we're in the midst of chaos and calamity. Before we dive into the things to remember, let's look at the importance of remembering (as a rule) and what is intended when the word "remember" is used.

When faced with high-stress situations, the brain releases a chemical called cortisol. While this hormone allows us to function at a higher level in life-and-death situations, it is NOT something that's productive long-term. In fact, high cortisol levels can cause a range of symptoms, including weight gain, acne, and fatigue. If we are being attacked by a bear, the spike in adrenalin and cortisol is how we have the physical and mental stamina to navigate the perilous situation. Unfortunately, the brain is not particularly good at discerning the difference between a physical threat (like a bear attack) and an emotional/mental one (like the loss of a large client or a missed deadline). Therefore, the challenges that we face as leaders can often be a perpetual source of raised cortisol levels.

Why the biology lesson? Because the other side of the equation is "remembering" which can lead to the release of another hormone called dopamine. This is known as the “feel-good” hormone and is a neurotransmitter that's an important part of your brain's reward system. It's associated with pleasurable sensations, along with learning, memory, and more. Even better, dopamine is a counterbalance to cortisol.

When we take the time to "remember" (or, really, just think about) the 5 things listed above, we are able to reduce the impact of the stressful situation by mentally placing it in its proper context. This can lead to healthier outcomes physically, mentally, and emotionally. And this can be a fantastic step in navigation situations that seem absolutely devastating.

Before we get into the 5 remembrances, there is one more thing that needs to be clarified. In the remaining part of this article, we will speak of the benefits of remembering our mission, people, lessons, past, and goals. With each of them, we will look at how this will help facilitate a better outcome in terrible situations. But, while these are things that have been proven to be positive methods, it should be VERY clear that your situation is unique and there is no such thing as a quick fix to complicated problems. Destroyed relationships, ruined careers, lost businesses, etc. are not things that will be "solved" by a single article.

If you are facing one of these challenges or something similar, I want you to know that I am hurting with you. I have faced MAJOR difficulties in my journey and I know how destructive it can be for people to think that, if you will just read this book or do this thing, everything is going to get better. That is simply not always the case. Sometimes, we just need someone to say, "This sucks, and I'm here for you!"

If this is you, feel free to either comment below (you may be surprised how many servant-minded leaders respond) or reach out to me directly. I may only have a moment to touch base, but it would be my privilege to be of encouragement to you, as you navigate dark days. And, as you keep reading, I hope that, despite the long road ahead, these principles will be of benefit to you. But, in the meantime, I want you to know 2 simple things.

1. You are not alone. I care about you, and I am rooting for you!
2. You can do this! You did not achieve your success on accident. The same level of discipline that empowered you to succeed in the first place will get you through this and you will see the other side!

With that said, here are 5 steps to navigating our way through the chaotic moments of leadership.

Remember the Mission

I can think of several times in my life when things I had worked on for months or even years were destroyed in a matter of minutes. Usually, it was not due to something that I had done, but there were times when it was my own arrogance that got me into the mess I faced. Regardless of how we got there, the project, job, or situation was not the same and it was VERY important that I stop looking at what was ruined and instead focus on why we had built it.

Regardless of what has happened, there is/was a mission that compels us to get up every morning and doing something great with our lives. It is inevitable that the mission will be thwarted at various points by things that simply do not go as planned but that does not change the mission. In fact, it can SEEM like the mission itself has been destroyed when things go awry but I challenge us not to let that line of thinking prevail.

Whether your business just went under or your spouse just left you, the mission has not changed. Why did you start the business? What was the goal of the relationship? Those have not changed. Maybe a new business can do a better job of executing on the mission. Maybe a new strategy is called for in the relationship. But the mission has not changed. In fact, it is often serious situations that help to clarify the vision and help us to disregard all of the distractions that were clouding the original vision.

The mission is greater than the challenge. Focusing on what is actually important can provide both motivation to keep pressing forward and inspiration to not give up, amid difficult circumstances.

Remember the People

If you have ever seen your leader go through crisis, you know that there are two types of leaders. One that rises to the occasion (for whom you still have respect) and another who crumbles under the pressure (who you probably never want to work for again). While that may be an over-simplification, the reality is, in those situations, there was a type of leader that you needed. You needed the security and helpfulness of a leader who was strong in times of uncertainty and who you could depend on amid chaos.

When leaders face crisis, there is a LARGE likelihood that there are others involved. This can take shape in multiple ways. The others may be the cause of what is happening or they may be experiencing the situation with us. Regardless of HOW they are involved, it is our calling as leaders to be sure that we are still effectively leading others, amid crisis. We do not get to abdicate our responsibility in the hard times. In fact, it is during the most challenging of times that our calling of leadership becomes so much more impactful and important.

The people with whom we work are human beings. Maybe they have done something terribly destructive. Maybe they are also feeling destroyed. Either way, they are doing the best they can with what they have. And in both cases, they need strong leadership. So, as we remember the mission and press forward, we do so with a heart for others and an understanding that, amid the hard times, our calling to lead well does not disappear but rather actually grows more dynamic.

Remember the Lesson

If there is one thing that EVERY disappointment has it's a lesson! In fact, it has been said "There is no such thing as failure as long as we learn from the situation." Therefore, finding (and learning) the lesson(s) in the challenge can be the redeeming factor that brings value to the situation.

Now, honestly, this is one of the most challenging steps. Remembering the mission can be easy. After all, it once inspired us and it can do so again. Remembering the people may not be easy, but they are there and so our calling remains. But remembering the lesson is more difficult. It's difficult because we are consumed with the challenge and often have to be reminded of the value in the lesson. And it is difficult because it requires that we frame the challenge in positive terms, which is not something any of us LIKE to do.

Nevertheless, if we want to effectively navigate the crises of leadership, remembering the lessons that they bring is a critical step and one that has the potential to bring us not just THROUGH the situation but to propel us into the next exciting part of our journey! So, always remember there is a lesson. Then work to find it. Take advantage of the dearly bought experience and allow it to make you a better leader in the future.

Remember the Past

Of the 5 steps that we are looking at, this one may be the hardest to digest. In fact there are probably other leadership experts who would say that this is not a good step to take! However, I believe that there is great value in remembering the past.

Of course, we do have to be careful to ensure that we are engaging this part productively. One author said, "We ought not to look at the past unless it is to derive useful lessons from dearly bought experiences." This is one way that we can productively use the past. Thinking back to what we have previously learned and how it can help us to move forward is a good thing.

Additionally, I think there is great value in simply taking a moment to remember where we started. Often when it feels like everything we have worked for is ruined, we need the reminder that it is really only a small part of what we have achieved that is impacted. Remembering the conditions we grew up in, or maybe the first job we had can help to put the mess we are facing into perspective as we realize that we may have just slipped 10 rungs on the ladder, but we are still 50 steps above where we started!

Lastly, taking a moment (and it should not be much more than a moment) to remember the victories of the past can motivate and inspire us to know that we have overcome major challenges in the past and we will do so again in this new scenario. It is important we do not become too infatuated with past achievements. Otherwise, we won't have the ambition to create new ones. But, remembering and taking joy in the past can provide energy for the present!

Remember the Goal

Our first step was to remember the mission, which is the overarching reason for our work and life. Amid that mission, there are people who we also should remember—especially since we have a responsibility to them, as leaders. Then we must begin to proceed by remembering the lesson that is inevitably in the situation. But, when we are weak, we can also pull inspiration from the past. Once we have done all of this, I believe we would do well to remember the goal.

What is the difference between remembering the mission and remembering the goal? The mission is the big picture, the goal is the next step to get there. Our mission gets us out of bed in the morning, our goal is the thing we complete on our to-do list.

So, when I say remember the goal, what do I mean? I mean keep putting one foot in front of the other. What is the next step? What is the next thing that can be done to move from mess to masterpiece? What is the next action that can turn our trial into a testimony? What can we DO—besides wallowing or even remembering?

Focusing on solution-oriented tasks is the final key to navigating the messes that we will inevitably face, as leaders. We must not give up. We must not become complacent. We must not allow the situation to overtake us. There are things to do, people who depend on us, and a world that needs strong leaders who are able to endure tough times and come out of them stronger, better, and more effective than they entered.

In conclusion, stuff happens. Sometimes it's our own fault. Sometimes we are simply the victim of another. Sometimes, it is nobody's "fault" but the mess is there just the same. Regardless of how the situation came to be, it is important that we face it with excellence. There is no way that we won't face calamity. But, HOW we do so is what makes us great leaders.

I want to encourage all of us to remain diligent in our calling of leadership. Challenges do not destroy the leader. The choice to respond poorly is what can destroy us. But if we will take a moment to remember the mission, the people, the lesson(s), the past, and the goal(s), we will find that we just might walk through our crisis with grace that empowers our own success and inspires others in the process!

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