What Do I Really Want? - A Coaching Perspective

As a new coach, I've come to realize that one of the most powerful and essential questions both coaches and clients face is, "What do I really want?" While this question may seem simple at first, it holds the key to unlocking clarity, direction, and purpose in both life and work.

The Power of Clarity

At the heart of coaching lies the pursuit of clarity. Many individuals come to coaching sessions with a mix of goals, desires, and uncertainties. They might know what they don’t want or have a vague idea of what success looks like, but honing in on what they truly desire can be challenging. This is where the question, "What do I really want?" becomes transformative. It forces introspection and demands honesty, cutting through the noise of external expectations, societal pressures, and habitual thinking.

When a person can answer this question with sincerity, they tap into their core values, passions, and aspirations. Clarity follows, and with it comes a sense of purpose that fuels motivation and drives action. It’s the difference between wandering aimlessly and moving with intent.

Uncovering Authentic Goals

Often, the initial response to "What do I really want?" is superficial. People might say they want more money, a better job, or a relationship. But the role of a coach is to dig deeper, to peel back the layers and uncover the authentic goals that lie beneath these surface desires.

For example, a client might say they want a promotion. But upon further exploration, it might emerge that what they really want is recognition, a sense of achievement, or the opportunity to make a greater impact. By identifying the underlying need, the coach can help the client pursue a path that aligns with their true desires, rather than chasing a goal that might not bring the fulfillment they seek.

Overcoming Barriers to Truth

Answering "What do I really want?" is not always easy. It requires the individual to confront fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs. Many people avoid asking this question because they fear the answers might require significant changes in their lives—changes that are uncomfortable or risky.

A skilled coach guides clients through this process, helping them to overcome the barriers that stand between them and their truth. This might involve challenging negative self-talk, addressing past experiences that shape current beliefs, or simply providing a safe space to explore these deep questions without judgment.

Aligning Actions with Desires

Once the question is answered, the next step is to align actions with those desires. This is where the real work begins. Knowing what you want is empowering, but it’s only the beginning. A coach’s role is to help translate that clarity into a concrete plan, setting achievable goals, creating accountability, and navigating the obstacles that will inevitably arise.

When actions align with true desires, life takes on a new level of meaning and satisfaction. Success is no longer measured by external standards but by the fulfillment of one’s own aspirations and values.

How to Explore "What Do I Really Want?"

After understanding the importance of the question "What do I really want?" to engage in self-reflection. This process allows them to explore their true desires independently, fostering personal growth and deeper insight.

Steps for Self-Reflection

1. Create a Quiet Space: Find a time and place where you can be alone with your thoughts without distractions. This could be a quiet room, a peaceful spot in nature, or even during a meditative walk. The goal is to create an environment where you can reflect deeply.
2. Ask Yourself the Question: Start by asking yourself, "What do I really want?" Don’t rush the answer. Sit with the question and let it marinate. Sometimes, the most authentic answers take time to surface.
3. Write it Down: Journaling is a powerful tool for self-reflection. Write down your thoughts, feelings, and ideas as they come. Don’t censor yourself—let your thoughts flow freely. This process helps you articulate your desires and see patterns in your thinking.
4. Dig Deeper: For each initial answer, ask yourself "Why?" multiple times. For example, if you find yourself saying, "I want more financial security," ask, "Why is that important to me?" This technique, often called the "5 Whys," helps uncover the deeper motivations behind your desires.
5. Visualize Your Ideal Life: Imagine a day in your life where everything aligns perfectly with your desires. What are you doing? How do you feel? Who is with you? Visualization helps you connect emotionally with your goals and clarifies what truly matters to you.
6. Evaluate Your Current Life: Compare your current life to your ideal life. What’s missing? What’s out of alignment? This comparison helps you identify specific areas that need change to move closer to what you really want.
7. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Once you have clarity, set small, actionable goals that align with your desires. These goals should be steps that gradually move you closer to your ideal life. Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight, but consistent small steps can lead to significant transformation.
8. Revisit the Question Regularly: Desires can evolve over time. Make it a habit to revisit this question regularly. As you grow and change, so too might your answers, and that’s perfectly natural. This ongoing self-reflection ensures that your actions remain aligned with your current desires.

The question, "What do I really want?" is a question that challenges, clarifies, and ultimately liberates. By answering it, individuals unlock the potential to live more authentically, make decisions with confidence, and pursue goals that resonate with their deepest values. In the end, this question is not just about achieving success; it’s about finding fulfillment and living a life that truly matters.