What do I mean when I say I show up for myself? — a short story of a victim becoming a creator.

It’s been a long journey to get to the point when I finally realised the truth, that if I won’t show up for myself and take charge I will remain miserable and dependent on others in way too many aspects of my life.

As you can imagine, I was there — I gave away my worth, my power and well-being into the hands of people around me - my loved ones, colleagues and even strangers. Yes, someone on the street who looked at me the wrong way or got into my space could ruin my day. And, believe it or not, I would stay in that place of misery, and anger and be very comfortable there. Why? Because I wasn’t responsible and I could always find someone or something to blame.

It was the?victim?in me. I wasn’t the victim, I just borrowed that identity and allowed it to take the driving seat of my life, and my behaviours, and dictate human interactions. I lived by its rules and kept asking myself ‘why is my life so pathetic?’ and I was getting triggered and pissed off all the time for the smallest things.

And then, one day I FINALLY realised how easy it was to pick up and call it out to the people around me, the closest people I mean.

As I was living away from home I would stay in my asylum thinking — I’m growing, I’m changing, I’m building my reality on my terms. I won’t repeat my parents’ mistakes, I live differently! I so much wanted to, at least, and that was the illusion I was building in my mind.

Yet, as my favourite teacher, Ram Dass, once said,?If you think you’re enlightened, go and spend a week with your family.

And that was my usual wake-up call whenever I’d go and visit them. I would chant mantras and meditate at sunrise in the Himalayas for 10 days in silence, but after coming back home I would flip the table. I was getting triggered by any small sign of victimisation that I’d always pick up on. Only to then learn that it will always trigger me until I see and acknowledge them as my very own mirrors. Whatever we react to emotionally sits within us.

I loved to say I was very different to them, I tried so hard to be! But the truth was, even if on the outside my behaviours were different, I would still create the same environment of a?blame game, and raise the bar of expectations so high that nobody could satisfy me. So I could say I’m not understood, not seen, not appreciated. It was all the?victim’s mind games to keep me ‘safe’ in the known. Not?actually?safe.

So what does taking charge truly mean? To start showing up for myself? To get out of that mindset and prove to myself otherwise, that I don’t need to be miserable and unsatisfied with my life choices. I can be happy here and now in every moment — regardless of the circumstances and behaviours of people around me.

Having done my own work in a group coaching setup, I started to learn what it means and what ripple effect on my worth, well-being and self-perception occurs when I start slowly with little steps, yet consistently show myself little acts of love.

The work started with committing to doing ONE small thing for myself, daily. That thing which I might have been doing anyway, but this time it would come with intention. Like committing to taking better care of my health. Do I need to promise myself to do an hour of yoga every day? No, because I know I would fail. I would (most probably) self-sabotage and do anything not to hop on the mat. This would then put me in the mood of a victim because I can’t fulfil the promise, so why even try?

So instead I told myself I will drink a glass of water each morning to flush out the toxins from my body. Easy? Yes. Doable? Yes. Satisfying? Hell yes! Slowly and steadily I was rebuilding my self-trust. Adding morning gratitude practice and I was good for a day. Because you can’t be in two places simultaneously — misery and gratitude.

But the real game-changer happened when I learned the power of the mind in a very simple exercise —?lofty questions. If you don’t know this concept,?here's a good source to look it up !

In short, when the shit hits the fan and you want to swear to God (or anything you want) and blame for it — instead of asking a daunting question — Why does this always happen to me? Why am I going through this shit over and over again??You ask yourself totally opposite —?Why am I always supported and finding the best solutions to my problems? Why am I so strong to overcome any obstacle in my life?

Don’t trust me on that, read the article and try it for yourself! You will thank me later ;-)

Coming back to actions: building habits on top of other habits make it easy and realistic. Even if it’s refilling your water bottle on the way to brushing your teeth in the evening, so you have it handy when you wake up.

When you start being disciplined with those little things and put intention behind them (for me it was self-love and care), it’s a game changer, as you start trusting yourself more, you can show up for yourself and your bigger plans, and commitments and dreams. And you feel so much more worthy and… lovable! Worthy of all those big dreams to become your reality, because you deserve nothing less!

It’s like waking up in the morning and going to work — why would that be more important than your self-care rituals, even if it’s a commitment to drinking water every morning to help your body detoxify?

When you think about it more, you start noticing how easy it would be to slow down in your busy day and do that ONE little thing for yourself out of love. Whether it would be two or three deep breaths when you feel anxious to get back into the body and give your toxic mind a break. Or play your favourite song in the morning while you make your coffee to shake your hips and move the stagnant energy to get ready for the day with some space for creation.

So after all living your life with an adversary in the driver’s seat, you can say: ‘Thank you, but no, thank you!’ The choice is always there. It all starts with self-awareness.

When I catch myself diving into the abyss of sadness and wasting my life energy on that, I say to myself — “I guess it was you again, victim!” I then choose to go back into the body, take a few deep breaths, appreciate the victim for keeping me?safe?and pick a more empowering option — gratitude and action!

If you want to learn how to fire your sabotaging driver and hire a more joyous and empowering one, get in touch and I’ll be happy to guide you!

Book a free discovery call with me.