What is the difference between “anxiety” and “anxiety-ing?” The answer will help you minimize stress and improve satisfaction…

One of the central assertions of William Glasser’s Choice Theory is that we have a lot more control and influence over illnesses and our physiology than what we commonly accept. In Choice Theory, neuroses like depression and anxiety disorder are broken down and described as active behaviors (e.g., “depressing,” “anxiety-ing”). This fundamental movement toward ownership provides a person with more authority over their feelings and physiology than they originally thought possible. I work with high-achieving students, who often participate in anxiety-inducing behaviors. While some see it as a byproduct of their personality, I work to coach them away from unhelpful behavior and increase performance by teaching Choice Theory. This piece is an open challenge to call your limiting behaviors to attention and track their influence on other areas of your life. To start on this journey, here are a few tips that may help:

View things like anxiety as a “state,” not a “trait.” One statement I commonly hear from those I serve is, “I’m an anxious person.” While seemingly innocuous, this statement is debilitating. A more honest and accurate statement would be, “I choose to participate in activities that increase anxiety in my life.” Of course, few people may view it this way, however, if you want to change anything in your life, first, change the way you think about it. Glasser helped others understand their choices through a concept called total behavior. He artfully showcased the elements of total behavior (Thinking, Acting, Feelings, Physiology, Needs, and Wants) in the example shown here. While we can actively “steer” our thinking and our actions, these choices will “pull” the back wheels (feelings and physiology) in the same direction. Consider this logic applied to the action of exercising. We exercise because we think that doing so will improve our health, fulfilling our basic need for survival, or our want to look and feel healthier. Exercise, in turn, influences the way we feel (both chemically and concerning self-esteem) and improves our physiology (weight-loss, increasing good cholesterol, etc.). This argument makes sense to virtually everyone. Why, then, do we fail to apply this logic to conditions like anxiety or depression? If you consider anxiety a feeling, what can you do to steer (with your thoughts or actions) away from it? You can start by changing the way you think. Reduce the amount of “catastrophizing” you do, or reduce your urge to compare yourself to others. If you want to change your actions, find what “de-stresses” you (exercise, pleasure reading… even playing video games), and then participate in that activity for a healthy amount of time.

See your “enemy.” One of the most overwhelming things that we experience is ambiguity. Not the positive space-to-creatively-problem-solve ambiguity – the paralyzing, quick-sand ambiguity. Recalling your childhood, what scared you? The dark... Things that your brain couldn’t comprehend... Being alone... These fears will likely be shared by many of us. The reason these things overwhelmed us is that we viewed them as a confusing, gargantuan, mass of bad. We didn’t see them as a series of smaller problems with solutions that were clumped together, we saw them as a cloud that had no beginning and no end. One thing that we can do, now, to reduce stress over insurmountable behemoths, is to chunk them down into smaller, measurable tasks. The easiest way to do this is to buy (or make) a planner, and note what (and when) you have to face certain demons. By seeing and knowing each task you must accomplish, you can create a plan of action, and increase your feeling of authority over the tasks at hand.

Start viewing anxiety as a verb… a temporary verb. Similar to the state-trait argument, simply by viewing our struggle as an actionable, temporary challenge (rather than descriptors of who we are) we can start to identify creative ways to think and act toward success! Years ago, I noticed that I was unhappy. I couldn’t put my finger on why I was unhappy, though I tried to point it (outwardly) a lot. In the end, it wasn’t that I was resource-poor or far from my goals, it was that I was giving authority to everyone but myself to be happy in the present tense. The car I wanted, the house I wanted, the job I wanted, the money I wanted… they were all out of reach. Every moment I spent feeling the stinging dissonance of where I was not was a moment I failed to recognize where I was. The challenge that we each face, is not to think of our anxiety as a description of who we are, but rather as a series of actions that we can change without the help of anyone else. I coach people to consider mindfulness as a tool to change the way we think and act, being present in the present. There are a host of things that you can do to improve your feelings (or what you believe to be a physiological predisposition to anxiety)… the challenge is simply to start!

I would love to hear your thoughts and even any disagreement you may have with anything that has been said in this short piece. I’m also always happy to connect, chat with you, and elaborate further!