"What defines you?" A self-reflection topic and discussion.

In a recent interview I was asked the question, “What defines you?” Now certainly when you are in the headspace of an interview you may use the context of the position you are applying for to help you frame that answer (i.e. “Leading by example,” “doing my best to walk the talk,” etc.). However, beyond this interview I began to ponder that question a little more deeply- after all it is a deeply personal question. 

One of the many questions that we face and struggle with throughout our lives is “What defines me?.” Do our hobbies define us? Our jobs? Our families? Certainly all play a part in the make up of who we are as individuals, however these things are fluid and may change over time. Brené Brown said it best in her book Daring Greatly when she said, “What we know matters, but who we are matters more.” This is where my journey of self-reflection began. 

With Brené’s quote in mind, I decided to focus on the things that make up my character and shape how I make decisions in my life, rather than what I do, to better claim what defines me. These facets seem to be deep rooted in the fiber of our beings, and change less often. Of course we make mistakes, but how we react to those “failings” is really what shapes who we are. I decided to make a list about myself in an attempt to come to a deeper understanding and be able to answer the question in a more personal and thoughtful way. That said, if you were to look me up in the dictionary today, here is what you would find: 

Katie Williams: I am kind. I am empathetic. I am energetic. I look for the silver lining. I look for the good in others. I practice patience, positivity, and persistence. I ask questions and seek deeper understanding. I am hopeful. I am passionate about the well being of others. I value honesty and feedback. 

These are aspects of myself that I have worked on, owned, and have continued to fall back on in times of success and when facing obstacles. Ten years from now, looking back on this list, there may be things that have evolved within my definition... or maybe not! Like a resume that we update over time, it may be worthwhile to revisit this list and self-reflect in times of doubt. We should feel confident to take ownership of our definition, rather than let events or others do so for us; furthermore, we should be committed to reflect and make changes as needed, over time. 

So what defines YOU? With the new year just beginning, and endless possibilities ahead, I hope that all of us may be afforded the opportunity to reflect and find some clarity- especially if you are among the many who are still working to find their “definition.” If so, I challenge you to dig deep and write your own list! 

In order to help me further dive into this topic and use it to help coach others, I welcome your thoughts and comments! Is this something you struggle with? Would more on this topic help guide you in your career or personal life? I look forward to reading your comments; thanks in advance! 

Here’s to a 2018 full of self-discovery!

-Katie

Brown, B. (2016). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. London: Penguin Books Ltd.