What the Conversation on Women In Tech Gets Wrong - The Saboteur Career Habit Nobody is Talking About
I recently spoke my mind about a topic that's super well worn out in the women in tech circles.?I do believe in healthy debate and I am not afraid of controversy when it helps bring new perspectives to old issues.
I commented on a thread discussion underneath a LinkedIn article titled?"5 Reasons Why Women In Tech Leave their Jobs" . It was posted by WomenTech Network and it featured a slumped female figure with her head in her hands.
A familiar refrain
We've seen and heard this before.?The familiar refrain of?"the game is rigged against us"?and that it's harder for us as women to get sponsorship, support, opportunities, and capital.?
And although that is all true,?
the constant repetition of these truths without mentioning any way out is a dangerous and slippery path.?
Hear me out.
I do believe that the realities are different for men and women and also for people of conventional vs. diverse backgrounds in tech.?
The playing field is NOT even. Not even close. The first step to sanity and to being able to survive the tech jungle is to realize that.?And to remind yourself of this uneven playing field the next time the promotion goes to the guy who looks like a younger version of the CEO.?
A revelation
I remember clearly the revelation I had on board my KLM flight from SFO to Amsterdam back in 2013 when I was a fresh VP of Product at a startup.?
I didn't know it at the time, but I was experiencing what most women go through once they ascend higher and the reason why so many of them quit their careers halfway up the mountain.?
Like me that day on the KLM flight, you are likely blissfully oblivious to this fact. So it's only natural to blame yourself if your career progress is not keeping pace with that of your male colleagues.
This?"attribution error"?is exceedingly common among the ambitious, smart, and driven women I work with.?
Before boarding, I had purchased an issue of Harvard Business Review dedicated to an exciting topic "Women in the Workplace".?As I tried to scatter the cloud of heavy thoughts, I mindlessly started thumbing through the magazine while waiting for the online entertainment system to become available.?
Within a few minutes, my eyes were glued to the pages, unable to pull away. I found myself fully immersed in story after story that so resembled my own that I felt someone was reading my mind.?
I devoured article after article talking about all the things I had witnessed and experienced first-hand in my career.
From?being interrupted, talked over, ignored, passed over for promotion, not taken seriously,?I remember thinking "OMG, this happened to me too!", "yes, this was my experience too!".
The seatbelt sign was long turned off and the beverage cart had swung by twice before I noticed anything. That fateful Sunday afternoon, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, I experienced a much-needed reality check.?
There was nothing wrong with me after all!?I was just playing in an uneven playing field while thinking the rules were the same for everyone.?
Talking about the problems is not enough
The first step on your journey is to recognize just that?- that the playing field is not even.?
Armed with that awareness, you'll be able to release the shame and guilt that may have crept into your mind, looking for reasons why you were "failing".?
But the problem comes if that's all you ever do.
If that's where we stop all public conversations, we risk internalizing this reality as our "fate", the only thing that's possible for us.?And giving up on the rest of the career climb.
In fact, the ego is great at jumping at any excuse to explain why it "failed". It always needs it to be someone else's fault, not the ego's. I've seen it firsthand on the mountain. The ego will do everything to justify leaving the race AND be right. It will get you laid off, fired, or dismissed before it admits that it's wrong.?
Then, the ego becomes righteous and wraps itself in the safety blanket of the excuse and never lets it go. Resentments build for years about that "jerk" and that "toxic team".?
New opportunities come and go but the ego is stubbornly staring at the rearview mirror and justifying why it has no future in tech.
In order to avoid this saboteur behavior, we need something else in addition to acknowledging the extra challenges women and people of different backgrounds face.
We need to stop the conversation IF women in tech can be successful and start talking about HOW they can be successful
And that is?the missing piece of the puzzle?that I called out in my comments on that LinkedIn article.
I said:?
"Just like in?mountain climbing, when you focus only on all the reasons past climbers have failed, you can sometimes fail to see how you can overcome those obstacles and succeed in your climb. Awareness of common challenges and obstacles is important but equally important is to point out the success stories and how they've done it.
If you want to be exceptional, you have to surround yourself with people who are the exception and model them.?Looking at the average experience will not equip you to buck the trend."
And that's what you need in order to have a shot at success in tech -?not just an understanding of the harsh realities, but the example of women who've climbed the mountain.
You get to model them and learn from them.?And check your ego as you refuse the temptation to become a life-long victim of workplace unfairness and inequities.?
Here are some women to draw inspiration from - I've had the privilege of interviewing all of them for my Female Tech Exec podcast . And I've linked to my interviews with them below.
Despite hardships and difficulties,?none of these female leaders ever complained in our interviews. Not once.?They were positive, optimistic, and looking forward to their future work and contributions to this world.?
That's who you get to be like.
1.? Becky McCullough - I met Becky when she was a senior recruiter at HubSpot. She was promoted to the Head of Global Talent while she was pregnant with her third child.?She's a huge believer in the power of culture and the ability of women to "have it all". My interview with Becky is HERE .
2.? Lydia Bradey is one of my most influential mentors and the first woman to climb Everest without oxygen. She was maligned and bullied by her male teammates, who claimed in front of the world media that there was no way she could have summited. Today, Lydia is one of the most respected Everest professional guides, with 6 Everest summits under her belt. Her world record has been independently confirmed years after the fact.?My interview with Lydia is HERE .
3.? Dalia Carolina Ramos is one of the only female technical team managers in the male sport of Formula 1 car racing. Dalia never let being the only woman in the room stop her.?Since starting at Formula 1, she has hired and trained a record number of female professionals on her team.?My interview with Dalia is HERE .
What about you? How will you make sure you don't let the Sabotiger (one of the CareerClimb CareerMonsters?) stop you?