What is compassion and what is not?

My thoughts on the Compassion Quotient (CQ) on social media sparked an engaging discussion last week. As some of you had questions, I will be delving deeper into the concept of compassion.

Let me begin with one of many real-life stories. A 20-year-old Taiwanese volunteer, Tee (changed name), stayed at Bal Ashram for six weeks. Initially, she kept to herself due to past hardships and trauma, including the loss of her father and betrayal by a trusted mentor.?

One evening, after dinner at the Ashram, Tee saw a boy trip and fall on his way back to the hostel. Another child rushed forward, noticed his injuries, and immediately used his shirt to bandage the boy's head before he was taken to the medical room for treatment.?

Alongside their teacher, several children stayed with the injured boy late into the night, offering comfort. Tee noticed the boy who had used his shirt to help had physical disabilities—a crippled leg and hand. This deeply moved her, highlighting the resilience and compassion of children who were survivors of slavery and trafficking despite their challenges. Finding solace and healing in their presence, she discovered a renewed sense of purpose and gratitude before departing for home.

Before returning to Taiwan, Tee wrote, “When I came here, I thought I was nothing. That I have nothing left. Now, I think everyone has something to give others. I thought I had useless time to spare, but I realised that no time is useless here. I began giving the children a little time and soon felt I had much more to give. I have an education, a voice, and love. I came here carrying my own dead body on my shoulders. Now, I have discarded it. I am going back with the biggest purpose of my life – a feeling to better the lives of others. The miracle that my psychiatrists could not achieve has taken place by living with these children.” That was the transformative power of compassion.

Compassion has been traditionally perceived and preached for ages as a soft, gentle emotion and an excellent human trait, moralistic social value and virtue. But the truth is that it is innate in all of us.

Compassion is the deepest connection with the suffering of others that compels you to take action to alleviate their suffering. In simple words, compassion is selfless problem-solving.?

Compassion is sometimes used interchangeably with sympathy, empathy, kindness, and mercy. These are great human qualities, but not compassion.

Let us understand this through a story.?

There were three sisters. One morning, one of them hurried off to school. Along the way, she encountered an injured man at a street corner, calling for help due to a hurt foot. Feeling sorry for him, she apologised and explained she was late for school. And she left.

A few minutes later, the second sister passed the same spot. Disturbed deeply by the sight, she continued to school but remained overwhelmed by her emotions, unable to focus in class. When the other sister asked her, she recounted the man's plight, unable to shake off her concern. The two sisters noticed the third one hadn't arrived at school yet, and their worry shifted to her.

After class, they rushed home and were surprised to find the scene changed. The injured man now had bandages on his foot, and their sister and others were filling a nearby ditch with mud. They learned that she, too, had encountered the man on her way to school and had stopped to help. She used her pocket money to tend to his injury and then filled the ditch to prevent further accidents. Her act had inspired others passing by to join in.

Adoring her, the sisters returned to school together. The first sister was sympathy, the second empathy, and the third was compassion.?

Sympathy is showing a little kindness or concern for others suffering. Generally, it is a pity-based momentary response. On the other hand, empathy is the ability to feel the suffering of others as one’s own. Empathetic people are kind, loving, and emotional. However, when they immerse themselves in other’s problems, the danger is that they can become overwhelmed, exhausted, and depressed. On the contrary, compassion has an inherent and built-in drive to alleviate the suffering of others. This drive generates inner power, continued hope, and optimism.?

Similarly, compassion is not merely a gesture of kindness. While kindness and mercy can only be helpful, compassion leads to long-lasting solutions. When we act with compassion, we do so from a place of equal footing with the sufferers, whereas when we act with mercy, we more often than not act with a patronizing attitude towards the sufferers.

Compassion is not an emotional or mental weakness. It is a strength that triggers the courage to become a problem solver. Compassionate actions stem from self-motivation and inner drive and are not based on the expectations of a reciprocal relationship.

Compassion has the power to transform oneself and the world, and anyone can harness and increase this power by developing and using Compassion Quotient.?