What Companies Need to Know about Our Grief Over Roe

On Friday, June 24, 2022, the United States Supreme Court ruled in a 5-4 decision to overturn Roe v. Wade and effectively eliminate 50 years of precedent guaranteeing women the federal constitutional right to an abortion. There have been floods of articles, interviews and social media posts passionately debating this decision -- a decision that will directly affect the rights of more than half of the citizens in the U.S. This article is not written with the intention of joining that debate.

This article is written to address what I -- and many women I have observed over the past few days – have been experiencing since that announcement on Friday: Grief. Overwhelming grief.?

Grief is defined as “an intense emotional experience triggered by loss.” We usually relate grief to loss due to the death of a loved one; but loss can show up in many forms and in many areas of our lives – including feeling the loss of one’s rights. Physical symptoms of grief may include loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, fatigue and loss of energy. Emotional symptoms of grief may include depression, anxiety, despair and hopelessness. Some people respond by withdrawing from others; some respond by lashing out with anger toward others. While grief is a universal experience, it’s also a personal experience. In other words, it hits differently for each of us.

My group chat with my girlfriends was on fire on Friday as we each reacted differently to the news. Most of us were born in 1973 (the year of the landmark Roe v. Wade decision) so this constitutional right is all we have ever known. Outrage, disbelief, sadness, a demand for resistance, a palpable fear for their daughters' futures -- the emotions jumbled together one on top of the other as we typed our responses. One of my best friends, an educator and married mother of two, called me and said: "I can't stop sobbing." I confided in her that I was numb, I was speechless, I was grieving, and I couldn't stop thinking about my 17-year-old self.

At 17, I was a naive high-school girl, in love with an older boy, and I ended up becoming unintentionally pregnant. I was not emotionally, mentally, spiritually or financially equipped to be a mother at that time. Ultimately, I made the difficult choice to have an abortion. I cannot imagine not having a choice, and my heart aches for the millions of women and girls that will now have to navigate that reality.

My heart also aches for women who essentially had a weekend to process their feelings, if at all, and then had to return to the realities of work on Monday – carrying the weight of their grief with them on their shoulders, in their minds and in their bodies. I’ve heard stories of women having trouble focusing, panic attacks, fits of crying and feeling anger that their companies are carrying on with business as usual.?If you’re in the LGBTQ+ community, or in a same-sex marriage or someone who uses contraceptives – your stress is likely compounded by the signaling from the court that rights for these groups may be up for reconsideration at some point.

As Estelle Tang wrote for Buzzfeed, “Grief and trauma are thieves of competency and awareness.” So if you’re one of the companies that has chosen to carry on business as usual without making a statement, know that: 1) Not making a statement is a statement and 2) It’s likely many women on your team are struggling to show up as their best, most productive selves and they need your support.?

Even before Friday’s announcement, studies have shown that women are quitting their jobs and leaving the workforce by the millions primarily due to stress and burnout. 42% of women say they felt burnt out in 2021, compared to 32% in 2020, according to McKinsey & Company's "Women in the Workplace" report. Add to this the lingering negative impact of COVID-19 on working women, where one in four are now considering downshifting or leaving their jobs. The three major groups of women most impacted are working mothers, women in senior management positions and Black women. This presents a crisis for companies that want to attract dynamic women to your organization, retain your top talent and develop an inclusive company culture that supports and promotes women.

Here are some ideas about how your company can provide support instead of additional stress for women employees who may be grieving about the overturning of Roe v. Wade.

• Make a statement: Even if you don’t choose to make a public statement about the decision, your employees need to know where you stand as an organization. Then it’s up to them to decide if your company’s values align with what they want from their employer. But as I said, no statement is making a statement.
• Be clear about your benefits: If a woman in your company is in the midst of a situation where she is considering an abortion – which could be the circumstance for a myriad of reasons – then she needs to know how her benefits may be impacted. This is especially the case if your company is based in a state that has “trigger laws” which immediately put bans on procedures after the court’s decision. What choices does she – or a woman who may be in that position in the future – have? What’s important for her to know so she can make an informed decision? Is there an HR specialist within the organization who will be facilitating these conversations?
• Don’t force it: Yes, I suggest your organization make a statement; but I do not suggest that you force your employees to talk about it. For one, many people are still processing and, again, we all process differently. Let your employees know that there is a safe space where they can talk if they choose, whether that’s through an employee assistance program, an arranged forum or other resource. Also assure them that those conversations will be kept confidential.
• Bring in backup for support: Perhaps your HR department is inundated with updating policies and doesn’t have the bandwidth to engage individually with employees as they process their emotions. If so, bring in reinforcements. A coach, counselor or therapist who is on-staff or contracted to be on-call for an extended period of time can prove to be a powerful resource for employees who need to talk to an objective third party about what they’re feeling.

I believe it will be years before any of us fully understands the impact that the overturning of Roe v. Wade will have on women in America. There are many theories; but we don’t know. Here’s what I do know: I am a woman who is pro-woman. I believe women have the human right to agency over their own bodies and the right to autonomy over their own medical decisions. I believe a woman’s choices about what she does with her body is nobody's business, unless she chooses to share. And I believe that carrying on business as usual after what may feel like a devastating loss such as this is dangerous. Women deserve support, and brave companies that care about women have the opportunity to step up and provide.

Elayne Fluker is author of Get Over ‘I Got It’: How to Stop Playing Superwoman, Get Support and Remember that Having It All Doesn’t Mean Doing it All Alone (HarperCollins Leadership). Through speaking, workshops, executive coaching and leadership development consulting for Fortune 500 companies and startups alike, Elayne helps shift the mindsets of high-achieving women around the stigma of asking for support and teaches them to make Empowered Asks? so they can stress less, thrive more and be fulfilled at work and in life. Learn more about Elayne at elaynefluker.com or text her at +1 917.809.6764