What Colleges Really Want And How Parents Can Help

If the college admissions process feels like a relentless game of “do more, achieve more,” you’re not alone. Many parents worry that a single missed extracurricular or less-than-perfect test score could derail their child’s future. But here’s the thing: admissions officers aren’t looking for?perfect?students—they’re looking for real ones.

In fact, the most successful applicants aren’t just checking boxes; they’re crafting a story about who they are and what they stand for. Today, colleges care deeply about traits like curiosity, creativity, and resilience—qualities that can’t be reduced to a GPA or résumé bullet points.

Let’s explore how you can guide your child to become a standout applicant while supporting their growth as a person.

Why Curiosity and Character Matter More Than Ever

In a recent webinar with Khan Academy founder Sal Khan , MIT Dean of Admissions Stu Schmill emphasized that top schools like MIT value students who display intellectual vitality—a deep passion for learning and a drive to explore the unknown. This echoes findings from a?Harvard Business Review?study, which highlighted curiosity as a key driver of creativity, innovation, and adaptability.

Think about it: curiosity isn’t just about asking questions—it’s about finding answers that matter. It’s what drives a budding coder to create an app for their community or an aspiring environmentalist to launch a local clean-up initiative. Colleges love students who bring this kind of wonder and enthusiasm to their learning.

As a parent, you can foster this by encouraging exploration. Is your child intrigued by neuroscience? Listen to a podcast together, visit a museum exhibit, or even try mindfulness exercises. These small steps can ignite a spark that shapes their academic and personal journey.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence

Here’s a surprising truth: emotional intelligence (EI) can be just as important as IQ. Studies show that students with higher EI often perform better academically, even after accounting for intelligence and personality traits. Why? Because EI helps them collaborate, adapt, and navigate challenges—all crucial skills in both college and life.

Encourage your child to join activities that build teamwork and empathy. Debate teams, theater productions, and group service projects are excellent opportunities to develop these traits. Colleges aren’t just looking for strong students; they’re looking for compassionate, adaptable leaders.

Redefining Failure as Growth

No one enjoys seeing their child struggle, but moments of failure are some of the most valuable learning experiences. Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset shows that viewing challenges as opportunities to improve fosters resilience.

One student I worked with once lost a robotics competition. Instead of giving up, they used what they learned to build a new, innovative project that wowed admissions officers. Stories like these resonate because they show character and determination—qualities every college values.

As a parent, you can help your child see setbacks as stepping stones. Guide them to reflect on what went wrong, brainstorm solutions, and try again.

What Colleges?Really?Want

At the end of the day, college admissions isn’t just about what your child achieves; it’s about who they become. Admissions officers want to know:

• What drives your student?
• How do their values shape their decisions?
• What unique perspective will they bring to campus?

Help your child focus on their passions and tell their story authentically. When students lean into their interests—whether that’s performing Shakespeare or coding an app for rescue pets—they create applications that feel real and inspiring.

The Bigger Picture

The admissions process is just one chapter in your child’s life. Instead of chasing perfection, focus on building curiosity, emotional intelligence, and resilience. These qualities will serve them long after they’ve moved into their dorm.

Remember: the ultimate goal isn’t just to get into a great college—it’s to prepare your child to thrive in an ever-changing world.

This post is based on my recent Forbes article of the same name.