What They Can't See

oblitre, verb

uh?blit?ree 1: abbreviation for obliterate to remake: TRANSFORM 2: the act of taking something apart to combine the working pieces with new ones to create something that encourages growth: REBUILD

What They Can’t See

I’ve heard a lot of business leaders I respect say that when people underestimate you, it gives you a natural advantage. There are several ideas under that surface of that one though, that I can’t help but disagree with.

I was sitting on a plane, listening to the pilot tell everyone in Greek that they couldn’t take off because of the “problem with the Americans.” He didn’t know I could understand him. The man sitting next to me knew I could because he had heard me speak Greek with the flight staff.

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this,” the kind stranger said.

You see, we had purchased our 1-year-old son an airplane seat and had shown up with a JAA compliant car seat (which means it’s rated for flying). I had reviewed that particular airline’s policy before booking the tickets which said I was doing the safe and permitted thing.

The pilot of the airline wanted me to use a seat belt extender to place my son in the same seat with me instead of using the much safer car seat. He wanted me to leave the seat we had purchased empty.

In the end, he won because we didn’t want to be kicked off the flight. Even though a week later I had a long apology letter from the airline and free flight vouchers sitting in front of me.

I was right, but being right doesn’t always mean you get what you should.

It’s the same way with trying to win over clients or customers who underestimate you.

The idea we’re obliterating today:

It’s your job to make people regret that they underestimated your skill level or ability.

The remake:

When we think that we will be able to change every other person’s mind about us and the skills we possess, we are wasting energy on trying to control something that is completely out of our control.

In professional terms, I like to describe the way we view the decisions and actions of others as reflective autonomy. This means we reflect on what we get to decide about our own lives, and try not to control others when it comes to those decisions.

Just like I couldn’t control the pilot. On the plane, he had ultimate say. Even if he wasn’t complying with JAA recommendations or his airline’s policies.

When we try to use someone else’s underestimation of our skills and abilities against them, it is a losing battle. It’s a waste of time and energy. And it goes against the idea of reflective autonomy.

A helpful way to approach this is to realize we can’t change the minds of everyone. When others underestimate us it doesn’t change the truth of who we are. At the end of the day, we can decide to keep moving forward no matter what others think or say.

One Lit Moment:

“‘I think I’m beginning to see why the Childlike Empress chose you, Atreyu.’ The boy lowered his head just a little. Then he went out quickly.”

–The Neverending Story by Michael Ende (Translated by Ralph Manheim)

What Kristin is Writing/Thinking About:

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices we make when it comes to purchasing based on our values. The quiz I created for Alice in Businessland is live and will tell you which character you purchase like. I haven’t taken the quiz myself yet, but I feel like I’ll probably get either Alice or the Cheshire Cat. If you take it, reply and let me know which character you purchase like.

You are amazing, I believe in you, and you can absolutely obliterate to remake.

Talk soon,

Kristin N. Spencer